00:00 Fri 12 Nov 1993. Updated: 18:01 08 Jul 2007
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The sound of the subway was loud. The rhythm of the wheels passing over breaks in the track was uneven, jarring. I hated going into the South Bronx. Especially on the subway. Especially at night. There were a lot of weirdoes around. They made me jumpy. My gun was kinda showing under my leather, though, and it should stop any trouble. The party had better be a good one. Find some girl with some talents, yeah, some skill and enthusiasm, yeah.

Hadda get some stuff. A little coke, that’d be great. Only twenty bucks with me, but I’d swing something. Just get a little cocaine, not much, I’m not into it that much. Be nice to have a little.

Three Fenrites got on the train. They weren’t lookin’ for trouble. They sat down the end talkin’ about some bitch. She sounded frigid. She was giving one of ‘em some shit about sex. “Well, I’m just not sure it’s right to do that, Naato…” or some bullshit like that .He didn’t sound like he was gonna take any of it. That was good. Hate to see a guy lettin’ a girl give him any trouble. She’d better watch it. Those Fenrites deal with girl problems the way they deal with any other problems.

I got off the train. Rudy’s was about ten minutes walk away. I had to get a car. Walking was too dangerous. Even with a gun. There were alot of people around, after the rain. All the lights made the puddles look multi-coloured, like somebody’d dumped cans of paint into them.

I walked along Allerton, past the old moviehouse. Five Jaguars and a non-gang girl were ahead of me. I figured they wouldn’t bother me. They looked at me as I approached. Too late to cross the street. Just keep going. Just ignore them. One of the Jaguars stepped in front of me. “Well, whatta we got here?” She smiled. I stopped and looked nervously at her and the others.

“Hey, Lynner.” I knew the non-Jag girl, name of Suzy. The guy next to her said “You know this guy, Suzy? Okay, Nina, maybe you should leave’m alone. ”

“I c’n mess with him ‘f I wan’.” She rested her hand against my cheek, still smiling at me. I kept still. Another one said “You gotta big one, guy? You need it fo’ her, else she spit you out.” They laughed.

“Naw, he ain’ got a one big enough for me, or any other knowin’ girl.” She stroked my cheek, took her hand away. Nina, huh? If I ever got her alone she was fuckin’ dead meat. Dead and stone cold. Make her scream first though. I turned to Suzy. “You goin’ to Rudy’s, Suzy? That’s where I’m goin’.” I managed to speak normally. Played it cool.

“Yeah, me an’ Sinner’re goin’ there soon.”

“I’ll probably see you there.” I walked away. Fuckin’ bitch. That Suzy, though. Very nice. ‘Course, I couldn’t go near her or the Jaguars’d take me apart. No loss, plenty more where that came from.

I got to Rudy’s around ten. A lotta people there. It wasn’t crowded because the place was huge. Three floors, each of ‘em able to hold a major party. I saw some people I knew smoking a joint in a circle. I sat down next to them. They’d just had the jay though, and it didn’t make it around again. I spoke to them a while. They were spaced and not too interesting. I wandered away and saw a girl I’d met once. Really sexy bitch name of Carla. She remembered me, wasn’t with anyone, and was friendly. We sat down on a couch. I got my hand on her leg and she didn’t mind, started givin’ her compliments. Her thigh was hot under my hand. She was wearin’ a really short skirt and no tights. The heat from her leg…I wanted her right then. Wouldn’t be too smart to try right there. We talked. She began to look kinda bored. I asked if she was alright.

“Yeah, sure, just this guy was s’posed to get me some coke tonight, he ain’t here, y’know?”

“Hey, no problem, I can get you some no problem. No charge, either, for a friend.”

She smiled at me, stopped looking bored. We made out after a while. She was hot. My lucky night, ’cause I was gonna spend it between her legs. When we stopped I figured I’d better not push my luck, better go look for that coke. I asked some people, found out Lip was here. He’d have it.

I went into the kitchen. There were a bunch of guys in the middle of the room, wearing leathers. These three girls, about fourteen-fifteen, were fuckin’ around with the blender. I saw a guy I knew. Chaz. Fuck, I hadn’t seen him in I dunno how long. Used to see him a lot. Back in that fuckin’ Westchester boarding school, before I left.

“Chaz! Where you been?”

“Here, there. You?”

“Around, you know. Cuttin’ some deals. Some great moves, too.”

“Always in control, too, I bet.” Didn’t like the way he said that, what the fuck did he mean by that? I didn’t want to talk to him right now. Especially if he was gonna give me any shit.

“Always. Lissen, bro, you seen Lip?” He looked a little surprised, then said, “Sure. Why?”

“Ahh, he wants somethin’ I got.” If I told him I was buyin’ Chaz’d start a fuckin’ lecture.

“Bullshit, Lynner. You’re buyin’. What about stayin’ clean?” Why the fuck was he giving me this shit, him seein’ me for the first time in fuckin’ months? He was such a fuckin’ straight.

“I’m in control, man, as always. Where is he?”

“Up. Near the stereo.” Like gettin’ fuckin’ blood from a stone. I went up the stairs.

The top floor of Rudy’s place was messier than the others. Not too bad. Much better than your average party. I could never figure why Rudy’s never got trashed, but it never did. This floor was the worst because the dealers were on it. Lip was there, sitting at the head of a table. Two of his guys were there too. I stood in front of the table, said, “Hey, Lip, you mind if I sit down?”

He looked up at me. He had a perfect white grin. “Of course you can sit down. I always have time for customers, you know the customer comes first.”

“I’m looking for some cocaine.”

“Get straight to the point, eh? I like that in a man.” He had such a fucking pretentious accent, I swear someday someone’s gonna take him out just for that. He wore suits, too. Suits. Like real businessman suits. “Well, I believe you came to the right place. I happen to have some cocaine, and would be prepared to divest myself of some of it to you for a suitable fee.”

“How much’d twenny dollars get me?” He showed me a small amount. “How about a hundred?” A bigger pile, more what I needed. “Okay, I’ll just get the money, then get back to you.”

“Why, of course. You just go perform whatever fiscal transactions you must, and this will still be here when you return.” Almost enough to make me shoot him myself. Faggot cocksucker. I walked around the top floor, looking for anyone who owed me money or who’d lend me some. No dice. I’d have to rip it off. I had my automatic. There was a minimart on the corner. Could try that. Shit, might be tough. I went back down to check if Carla was still there. She was, talkin’ to some other girls. She still looked real sexy. I wanted to have that hot body… Fuck, I might as well go for it. Might be better to have someone with me though. Chaz. I went looking for him. He was in a TV room looking at some politician. I told him I had to go to the corner to get some money, and he came with me. I figured I’d tell him on the way. We passed a room with Sinner and Suzy in it, that Sinner givin’ it to her good. I grinned. I’d be doin’ that too, soon.

Chaz was kinda quiet on the way. I was quiet too, thinkin’ about how I was gonna pull this off, so I decided to tell him when we got to the store. The sign pissed me off. Why the fuck didn’t they fix it, that buzzin’ really got on my nerves. We were right outside the store. It would look too suspicious to tell Chaz here, so I just walked in.

The guy in there was a bit sleepy. I just took out my gun, fuckin’ powerful shooter heavy and just right in my hands, and shouted “Get your hands up, you sonofabitch!” He wasn’t so sleepy after all, he dived pretty fast “Don’t fuck me around!” I missed him, the shot booming. The counterguy came back up with a fuckin’ sawn-off, I had to nail him or else. He fired missing me I said “No way.” and calmly coolly easily put a shot through his head his head right in the middle what a shot! “See that? Just too hot!” I looked at Chaz, who hadn’t moved, and said “Some shootin’, huh?” Chaz still didn’t move. The asshole had managed to get milk all over his jacket somehow. I went through the cash register fast. Only thirty bucks in small change. Where the fuck were the big bills? I checked under the bars, got lucky—the money was under the Hersheys, at least two hundred. At least. I went past Chaz to the door. He didn’t move. I shook him, said “Okay, man, let’s skat.” as I looked around for anybody else. There was nobody on the street when we went out.

That was pretty fuckin’ easy. Some shot. I grinned. I was hot tonight. Chaz still hadn’t said anything. I looked at him. Maybe I should have given him some of the cash, but he didn’t ask for any. We got back to Rudy’s and went up the stairs. I went to the lowest floor but Chaz kept going up. I said bye but he didn’t say anything.

I found Carla still waiting. She looked at me, said, “You got it? What took you so long?”

“I hadda get the money for it. I blew away some guy, straight through the fuckin’ head, bam! That’s somethin’, huh?” That body. I wanted to hold that heat.

“Yeah, wow, that is somethin’. But you got it?”

“Not yet. Just gimme five minutes” I went up to the top floor. Lip was still there. I ignored all his shit, just got the stuff and some acid in case I needed to sell something. Then I went down to Carla.

“You get it this time?”

“Hey, honey, don’ be so impatient. I got it, right here.” I showed it to her. It made her look happy. I said, “What say we find a room to ourselves, have this nice and private?” She said yeah. I found us a room that was empty and blocked the door with a chair. We lined it up and took a few snorts, then I was fuckin’ horny and got on her, pulled off her skirt hands on her breasts the heat so hot fucked her good yeah on a high yeah one shot to the head fuckin’ good shot it was fuckin’ good fuck Nina take her in the street make her beg so hot. Really gave it to her, fuckin’ right. I got off her, took a few more snorts, so did she. Then one or two more, then it was gone, then she left. I looked up, got my jeans on, where the fuck’d she go? I went out to look for her. I wasn’t finished with the fuckin’ bitch, but she was gone. Shit, one fuck for how much fuckin’ coke? I sat down. Kinda drowsy, this stuff maybe wasn’t totally…was laced with somethin’…strange…all these…

…really…shit, who?

“Hey, Lynner, you okay man? ‘S me, Marty.” Shook my shoulder.

“Marty? Where—”

“Me an’ the guys’re goin’ into the Village, some guy knows a party goin’ on down there. You wanna come, or what?”

“Yeah, I’ll go, I guess, I—”

“Okay, he’s comin’. C’mon, we gotta all fit in the car.” We went down the stairs. I was stumblin’ a little There were about eight of us I think. “Hey, Marty, when’d you get here, I didn’ see you come in?”

“About two hours ago, just before midnight.” Fuck that meant it was almost two, fuck. There were two cars. I piled into one with Marty and some other guys and we headed for Manhattan. Marty said “Hey Lynner, Hector here wants to know you got any stuff.”

“No, I—wait, I got some acid.”

“Yeah that’s okay, how much?”

“Twenty bucks.”

Hector leaned over, gave me twenty dollars. I gave him a tab. I put the money in my pocket, noticed my gun was gone. My gun! Fuck who took my gun? That bitch? Shit she could give it to the cops anythin’ fuck where was my gun who took my gun?

“Marty, you seen my gun?”

“Your gun, you have a gun? No I ain’t seen it. Lemme see it, I’ll show you mine. Mine’s a classic, it’s—”

“No, Marty, I mean have you seen it around, I’ve lost it.”

“—a twenty—you lost it? No, I ain’t seen it anywhere.”

Fuck I was fucked. I needed to calm down acid wouldn’t do any good. Fuck. I took a tab anyway.

We got to the Village I guess twenty-five minutes later, found parking, got out. I hadda take a piss. I went into an alley to take it. I’d be able to catch up with the guys in a moment. Piss was weird, strange colour. Must’ve been that fuckin’ cocaine. I zipped up my jeans, started to go after the guys, but there was this purple glow on the wall. I stopped to look at it. It was really horrible, moving and shifting and reaching out. I jumped back, it stopped and looked puzzled. I slumped down sitting against the other wall, if I didn’t move it might not find me. But everything was looking for me. Everything. I started to try to call out for help, but it might get me if I was loud. There was nobody there. Then this guy appears. He was wearing a trenchcoat, a grey trenchcoat. His hair was short and I couldn’t see the colour. He smiles at me. His eyes! No those eyes those eyes three eyes what no I had three eyes what was happening what was that tunnel what were those lights what

Over the city. The lights bright. Rushing towards Bronx Park. Past the river. A police car. A bike on its side near the car.

The colours rush by below

All colours

Millions of tiny glowing splashes.

Thinning, focusing on three

Larger now, closer.

Behind the police car are three people. Chaz and two cops.

Closer to the coloured shapes

Two are dark red

One is pale green.

The big cop hits Chaz across the mouth.

Dark red lashes magenta

The emerald form flickers.

Chaz falls back, bleeding. He tries to get up.

The emerald topples

And is cracked

Shot through with grey.

The two cops laugh. They take Chaz’ arms

The red ones darken

And encircle the green.

One holds him. The other twists and twists. Chaz screams. The pain is worst in his open eyes.

The red

Tears the green shape.

Red and grey and black

Sear the emerald form.

The smaller cop kicks Chaz in the face. The cops kick at Chaz’s faintly moving body.

The red forms

Spread grey and black

All over the green.

The cops back off for a moment. Chaz struggles and sits up.

The red darkens further

The green lightens.

The bigger cop shoots Chaz in the head. Chaz falls back, body against the grass. Chaz is still.

One of the red forms

Shifts and punches a

Streak into the green

And rips out its core.

The alley. I get up, shakin’ my head. I just saw…a death, the death of a guy I knew. A fuckin’ horrible way to die. Bronx Park. What had Chaz been doin’ in the Bronx Park? Poor guy. Never thought he’d be killed by cops. Fuckin’ psycho bastards. They ripped out his, his soul, spirit, whatever the fuck it was they ripped it out and laughed about doin’ it. Not human. Just dark red killing things.

What the fuck was I talkin’ about? Just a bad trip. Just a bad trip. That’s all it was. I staggered out of the alley. There were people around. They avoided me as I turned onto the street. So callous so cruel Chaz died horribly fucking horribly I saw it how’d I see it how’d I see the other stuff the red and green shapes how? The acid, somethin’ when I took the acid, I saw someone before I saw…I had about thirty bucks. I somehow got a taxi, went home. Got in the door and almost collapsed. I kept seein’ Chaz’ spirit melting. Fuck no that’s Bullshit. Just unlucky reaction to the acid. But there was something else. Someone else. Or was that part of the trip? Chaz was dead I knew it I saw it he was murdered how’d I see it?

What would the counterguy’s spirit look like?

Shit. I didn’t want to think about that. That was different. I needed the money. I had to do it or he would’ve shot me. No just bullshit no souls no spirits just greed people out for themselves no more than that just hallucinations and drugs and too much partying.

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