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AFBH Wrapup

Tadhg — Sun, 05 Nov 2006 21:45:12 +0000

I’ve finished the run of Annotated Fantasy Bedtime Hour posts, having done one every day for thirty-five days. Julie, Heatherly and Jenn plan five more episodes, and I intend to cover those when they show up online.

I found the project of annotating an episode to be far more work than I had thought before I started. Only once did I manage to write an AFBH post in less than two hours, and most took more like three or three-and-a-half hours.

I plan to create an AFBH wiki, and to open that up to interested parties for editing, but don’t have a timetable for this. I intend to use MediaWiki.

Thanks to all my readers (keep the comments rolling in!), to Julie & Heatherly & Jenn & the FBH cast/crew for making such a fantastic show, and to Steven R. Donaldson for writing Lord Foul’s Bane and so making it all possible.

(Oh, and Episode 38 (I think) contains my final appearance as Supreme Resident Expert.)

Tags: annotated-fantasy-bedtime-hour, criticism, e-prime, fantasy-bedtime-hour, television, writing

AFBH 35: Pages 426-430

Tadhg — Sat, 04 Nov 2006 10:27:07 +0000

Episode 35. Death below Mount Thunder

A significant character dies, and they need a bigger jacket.
http://fantasybedtimehour.com/episodes/EP35.php

###Pages 426-430.
Starts with “Birinair raced down the tunnel” (approximately) (p426), ends with “Prothall’s face lit up with hope.” (p430).

###Expert
Ken

###Intro/Beginning

The episode begins with Julie looking at a piece of paper that Heatherly is intently writing calculations on. Julie says “how many? How many?” (02:04) and Heatherly says “I’m trying! I’m trying!”. Then she announces that they have 152 more episodes to go before they’re done with the book. Julie tells her she forgot to “distribute the negatives” and takes the pen from her. After feverish calculating, Heatherly asks “Julie, if you know how to do it, why was I even doing it in the first place?” (02:32) and Julie says that they don’t have 152 episodes left, they have 5. And she doesn’t know how her pen changed color. Julie says that they have to make the final episodes count, and Heatherly counts to five on her fingers. Julie tells her she forgot to distribute the negative.

Julie gives the usual intro spiel, although in this one she mentions Moose as a host.

###Analysis of Pages

Heatherly says that they left off with everyone chasing after Birinair, because he was yelling “follow”.

Heatherly: they follow him, which makes sense because he’s yelling “follow”, and “suddenly, there came a hot noise” (03:43). The Hirebrand, which I guess is Birinair’s other name, is enveloped in a sheet of blue flame. The dazzling and coruscating flame walled the tunnel from top to bottom. Birinair is like just hanging there in this blue sheet of fiery flame, like in total agony” (04:01). Two Bloodguard tried to shove him through, but didn’t have any effect. Prothall is thinking about what to do while Mormon sees a whole bunch of ur-viles at the other end of the cave. Prothall, like, he’s mustering his strength, and he hurls his staff at the blue sheet of flame. The staff stuck it in a blinding flash, and Birinair lay on the other side.

Heatherly: Prothall cries out Birinair’s name, throws himself at the flames, but it flung back. The ur-viles were attacking ferociously.

The camera moves to focus on Moose (04:41).

Heatherly: There was a iron spike, in one person’s heart, and a woman was, like, she also got her hand hacked off.

The camera moves back to Heatherly (04:51).

Heatherly: So Birinair held this wide stare of agony, and Covenant had forgotten something, something important. Mormon is still kicking ass, but you know, not so much ass, right now. Covenant stopped inches away from the fire and saw his chance for immoliation [sic] and escape in the flame. He reaches out and grasps Prothall’s staff, which is still stuck in the blue sheet of flame (05:25).

Heatherly: Power surged, and bloody fire burst from his ring, and there was this big explosion, and the blue sheet shattered. And the ur-vile passed right over Prothall and went right for Thomas Covenant, but is shot in the back by an arrow from Quaan’s bow, and crashes into Covenant. Mormon’s fire finally drove back the ur-viles. Prothall hugs Birinair’s charred remains.

Julie says “eww, gross!” (06:06).

Heatherly: Prothall says “you guys go on, ’cause I need another moment to say goodbye”. “Why?” Mormon wondered aloud. “Why was such a power placed here?” Covenant says “I forgot my clothes, I left them behind” and then Mormon says “Dude! Are you injured or something? Why are you asking about your clothes?” (06:25). Covenant’s “Of course I’m injured. My whole life is an injury.

Heatherly: So then Mormon and Quaan and Korik and some other Bloodguard are carrying this big iron chest. Mormon says “the power was a defense placed here by High Lord Kevin. Beyond this tunnel lies a chamber, where we found this Second Ward of Kevin’s Lore, the second of seven.” And then High Lord Prothall’s face totally lit up with hope (06:53).

Heatherly starts off by saying that this whole chapter is just more evidence of what a whiny little bitch Covenant is (07:09), because Birinair dies and is charred up and all Covenant can think about are his clothes. Julie says that this is true, but what disturbed her more is that Birinair is a charred disgusting corpse and Prothall hugs him. Julie then says that if Heatherly gets charred and dies, she’ll love her from afar, and might stretch to poking her with a love stick. They both agree that this is the most appropriate thing to do if either finds the other charred.

Birinair, slightly ahead of his Bloodguard wards, runs down a tunnel and into a magical trap that suspends him, burning, in a wall of blue flame. The Bloodguard try to free him, but cannot (p426). Prothall sends them to aid Mhoram against the approaching ur-viles and tries to free Birinair himself. He is knocked away, and ends up motionaless, face down against the stone (p427).

Prothall gets up as the rest of the company is forced back into the tunnel where Birinair is still suspended. He knows he is already too late, but tries to free Birinair anyway, flinging his staff at the sheet of blue energy. This has the effect of knocking Birinair to the other side, but the blue field remains there, suspending Prothall’s staff within it. Prothall cannot get past it to Birinair.

The ur-vile wedge inflicts casualties on the company, felling three of the Eoman and hacking the hand off another. Covenant approaches the energy field as Mhoram starts to gain the upper hand against the ur-vile loremaster (p428). Covenant is drawn to the idea of suicide by immolation, which he considers as much an escape (back to his own world) as an ending. The ur-vile loremaster breaks formation to get past Mhoram down the tunnel, and Mhoram orders Quaan to shoot it before it reaches Prothall, who is warning Covenant to beware the energy field.

Covenant ignores him and grasps Prothall’s staff, which causes a burst of energy that destroys the blue sheet of flame. The ur-vile loremaster springs past Prothall to go for Covenant, and Quaan shoots it in the back, knocking it into Covenant (p429).

The rest of the company have forced the ur-viles to flee. Mhoram order them not to pursue, because Drool will already know where they are. He and the others return to Prothall, who is holding Birinair’s charred body. Prothall, feeling guilty that Birinair died because he was in the lead rather than Prothall, send them away so that he can be alone to say his farewells.

Mhoram wonders why a power as great as the blue sheet of flame had been placed there. Covenant responds to this by saying that he’s forgotten his clothes. Mhoram doesn’t understand this, asks if he’s injured, and says he doesn’t understand the significance of the clothes. Covenant replies that he is injured, that his whole life is an injury, and that the clothes are important because when we wakes up in his old clothes rather than his moss-stained robe, he’ll know it’s all been a dream (p430).

This doesn’t make much sense, first of all because if it is a dream, the clothes he’s wearing in it have no significance whatsoever. Covenant is being forced by events to acknowledge his experience in the Land, and dreads this so much that he attempts quasi-suicide (quasi- because he doesn’t really believe he’ll die, just “wake up”) and drifts entirely away from rationality in thinking that his clothes have some bearing on the situation.

Mhoram tells him that he’s mastered a great power, meaning that he managed to break through the powerful barrier of the blue fire, and Covenant tells him that it was an accident, and that he was trying to escape, to burn himself. He then falls asleep, and when he wakes the group is caring for the wounded, recuperating, and preparing a meal. Mhoram and others return, bearing a small iron chest. This contains the Second Ward of Kevin’s Lore, causing Prothall to feel hope.

###Key Misunderstandings

Covenant wasn’t whining about his clothes per se, but rather is clinging to the idea that the Land is a dream (the relation of his clothes to this hypothesis makes little sense, but he is clearly not thinking straight).

###Action Sequence

The Fantasy Action Sequence begins at 08:36.

It opens with Birinair running from right to left, shouting “follow, follow”. Covenant runs by, pausing to look behind him. Birinair keeps running and saying “follow” until a glowing blue energy field appears in front of him and zaps him with what looks like electricity (09:09). Birinair cries out and writhes in agony. Covenant shouts “Birinair! Somebody help him!”. Birinair cries “fire hurts!”, and “Lord Mormon” clashes with an ur-vile. Birinair shouts “You should have been listening to your elders. Why isn’t someone helping me? Ooooh, this hurts!” (09:30). He cries out incoherently for a while, then says “It really hurts!”.

We see “Mormon” still fighting with an ur-vile, and then Birinair again, now beardless, saying “Ow my face! Oooh I’m burning, I’m burning! Why isn’t anybody helping me? I’m melting! I’m melting! Why isn’t anyone helping me? Oooh my face, my face, I’m burning! Help me! Help me!” As he continues to cry for help, a Bloodguard runs up to him. Birinair says “Oh, you’re here to help!” but the Bloodguard falls back. “Bloodguard Bob” tries and also falls back, and Birinair starts asking where he went (10:13). The two Bloodguard return, with Prothall, who tells them to aid “Mormon”, that this is his place, that Birinair is going to die. Birinair continnues to cry out in the background. Prothall approaches Birinair and is thrown back. Prothall again says “where’d he go?” (10:30). “Mormon” is still struggling against an ur-vile. Behind him, Bannor, “Bloodguard Bob” (now wearing a different FBH T-shirt) and a white “Ranynyn” (wearing boxing gloves) look on, until “Bloodguard Bob” runs past.

Birinair is still crying for help, and we see Prothall’s staff being pushed towards him. When it touches him (10:45), he is knocked backwards, and the blue energy seems to stick to the staff.

Prothall runs over to Birinair, whose body looks charred and appears to be letting off blue mist. His face is obscured by a ball of blue energy. As the energy dissipates, Prothall tries to pick him up, saying his name, and that he was Prothall’s only friend (10:52).

“Bloodguard Bob” is engaged in combat with an ur-vile, who knocks his axe away and pushes him to the ground. When it goes in for the kill, Bannor (who was apparently standing idly by) reaches out and stabs it in the chest with his sword, killing it (11:08). “Bloodguard Bob” says “that was easy”.

Prothall is still clutching Birinair’s body and crying.

The white “Ranynyn” gestures with ones of its (gloved) hands, and engages with an ur-vile that is also wearing boxing gloves. The ur-vile gives up and runs away, leaving the “Ranynyn” posing (11:25).

We then see a woman in a blonde wig, with a name tag reading “WOMAN”, applying some lipstick to herself. An ur-vile approaches and hacks at her hand with an axe, causing her to scream, and there is a cut away to the lipstick rolling across the floor (11:31). The woman stares at her maimed hand, which looks suspiciously like Covenant’s hand (and Berek’s hand), and screams. The ur-vile returns and hacks off the entire hand (11:45). The woman stares at the bloody, squirting stump and screams and cries. Her screams continue as we see the blood run into a drain (12:39).

“Mormon” is still fighting the ur-vile. Prothall is still clutching Birinair. Covenant shakes his head and stares into space. The ur-vile is pushing “Mormon” to the ground.

Covenant approaches Prothall’s staff, still stuck in the blue energy field, grabs it, and jams his ring against it (13:11). This causes an explosion that knocks him backwards, and an ur-vile notices and moves towards him. After a shot of “Mormon” still being pushed down by the ur-vile he’s fighting, we see “Bloodguard Bob” save Covenant from the ur-vile about to attack him by shooting it with an arrow. Covenant says “Jesus! Good one, Tuvok” (13:32).

We see “Lord Mormon” speaking to the group, saying “My people, let the ur-viles go. Remember the Oath of Peace” (13:40). He then walks over to Prothall, and grimaces when he sees what’s left of Birinair. Prothall tells him to go so that he can have his moment with Birinair, and “Mormon”, still grimacing, leaves him. Prothall, holding Birinair close, is smeared on the cheek by some of the remnants of Birinair’s face.

We then see “Mormon” holding a skull, saying “alas, poor Birinair, I knew him well” (14:07). He then throws the skull behind him, where Prothall catches it. “Mormon” then says “Why was such a power placed here?”

Covenant says “God dammit! I forgot my clothes!” (14:17). “Mormon” asks if he is injured, and why he cares so much about his clothes. Covenant replies “I’m a leper, you dotard! My whole life’s an injury! Plus, my clothes are so cool” (14:32). “Mormon” tells him that he has mastered a great power, and Covenant replies “Well of course, if trying to kill yourself in a big ball of fire and then failing is mastering a power. Yeah, of course, ha, I’ve mastered a great power” (14:47).

Bannor approaches “Mormon” with a blue and white container, telling him they found it. “Mormon” says “Of course! The power was placed here by High Lord Kevin. This is the Second Ward of Kevin’s Lore” (14:59).

On the top of the container is written:

> 2nd WARD of 7
> of KEVIN’s LORE
>
> WARNING:
> IF WARD LASTS
> MORE THAN 7 HOURS
> CONSULT A PHYSICIAN
>
> MAY CAUSE ANAL LEAKAGE

The Fantasy Action Sequence ends at 15:05.

###Expert

Heatherly asks Julie if she has a new tattoo. Julie says yes (it’s on her left arm); Heatherly says “How cute, it says ‘mom’” (15:19) and Julie angrily retorts “No it doesn’t, it says ‘wow’. ‘Wow’. ‘Wow’!” while pointing to it (it’s clear that from her own perspective it would indeed read “wow”.) Heatherly tells her to chill.

The expert is Ken, who appears on screen at 15:40. He is not wearing the expert jacket. Heatherly tells him not to mention Julie’s tatto because she’s a little sensitive about it, and he gives her a thumbs-up. Heatherly offers Ken the expert jacket, but he holds it open and says it’s not going to fit (15:55). Julie says they’ve never had that happen to any of their experts. He has read Lord Foul’s Bane four times (16:21), and has yet to understand it (16:34). He used to be a bodyguard for Prince (16:45).

Heatherly asks him for a Prince story, but he says he can’t tell any due to confidentialilty agreements. Julie asks him which Lord Foul’s Bane character Prince is most like (17:00). Ken says “Covenant’s wife”, citing “same size, same intensity, same makeup patterns” and a shared penchant for yellow suits.

Julie asks if the “blue light” charred Birinair’s soul or his real body (17:41). Ken says it charred his body pretty well, but it’s questionable how much it charred his soul. He says that it appears that Birinair was alive for a moment after his soul left his body, and when Julie asks what that would look like, he asks if she’s ever drunk fifteen shots of Jägermeister.

Julie says “so, Birinair’s dead, right?” (18:40) and Ken says “right”. Heatherly asks how he kept yelling “follow” after he was dead, and Ken says he didn’t, that that was Covenant remembering him yelling “follow”.

Julie asks why, if he was a good guy, Kevin would set up magic that killed the quest (18:54)? Ken says they weren’t supposed to find it yet. He says that the blue fire was there to protect the Second Ward.

Heatherly asks why nobody ever tripped that trap before and set off the wall of blue flame (19:35). Ken says that he thinks they call that a plot device.

Julie asks why Kevin hid it in the catacombs, since that’s the house of Lord Foul (20:08). Ken says he was hiding them wherever he could.

Julie asks why Prothall threw his staff into the magic bolt of electricity (20:26). Ken says that it was to knock Birinair out of it, and Julie asks he knew that would do it. Ken says he probably wasn’t sure, but figure that his staff, probably the most powerful one in the area, would do the trick. Julie then asks why they didn’t just leave Birinair in the wall of flame if he was dead, and Ken says that he wasn’t dead yet.

Julie asks how Covenant knew that reaching for the staff would make the whole thing explode (21:05). Ken says that Covenant was trying to commit suicide. They protest that it doesn’t say that in the book, and Ken insists that it does. Ken cites Covenant’s reply to Mhoram’s “you have mastered a great power” line, page 430, where Covenant says he was trying to burn himself. (It’s also clear from page 428, “In the dazzling blue force, he saw a chance for immolation, escape.”)

Julie asks why, if he thinks he’s dreaming, Covenant would try to kill himself (21:41). Ken replies that Covenant figures that if he kills himself in the Land, he’ll wake from the dream and be back home where everything is normal.

Julie asks what the deal with Covenant and his comments about his clothes is (21:56). Ken says that Covenant, thinking about trying to escape from the Land, is thinking that he needs to wake up in those clothes—otherwise, if he wakes up in his robe from the Land, he’ll know that the Land was real, and will have to take responsibility for all his actions. Julie asks “you got all that from ‘I can’t find my clothes’?” and Ken replies “and the 400-something pages previous to that”.

Kens says that Covenant wanted to believe immediately that he was in a dream, so he rapes the first person who treats him well (22:48). He says that Covenant started feeling like crap immediately, and the Lords keep putting more responsibility on him, and revering him, and Covenant feels that they don’t know what he’s done. Julie asks why he can’t just admit to the rape. Ken says that Covenant doesn’t want to take responsibility for it, which is why it’s important that it’s still a dream to him. Julie asks if he feels bad-ass for doing what he did with the wall of blue flame, and Ken explains that he feels weak, as usual, because his mindset is that he’s a leper and can’t feel anything but terrible about himself.

Julie asks who the woman who lost her hand was (23:52). Ken says (essentially) that she’s a bit character in the party.

Chart-writing begins at 24:19, on the topic “what did the Ward look like?”

Chart-writing ends at 24:49.

Julie’s chart (24:59) shows a chest that includes a 1 year warrant laptop service, a scroll that says “So you’ve found the 2nd ward. Hope it was worth it. Sucker! Love, Kevin”, a passport, a yearbook, and a golden fish. The chest has “Ward #2″ written on the front.

Ken’s chart (25:24) shows an a chest holding “the most magical and mystical fortunetelling device of all time, the ‘Magic 8-Ball of Kevin’”. The chest has “Kevin was here!” on the inside of its top, and “WARD #2 DO NOT OPEN ‘TILL X-MAS” written on its front.

Heatherly’s chart (25:46) shows a stripper, who has emerged from the box, and big stripping pole rising out of the box.

The “post-coital” segment starts at 26:05.

Heatherly’s favorite part was when Thomas Covenant broke the cascading wall of blue fire (26:32).

Julie’s favorite part was when that random woman got her hand cut off (26:39).

Ken’s favorite part was when Lord Mhoram got in bed with two girls—but then says his real favorite part was when Quaan (who he mistakenly thinks is a Bloodguard) fired the arrow into the back of the ur-vile loremaster to save Covenant (27:13). Heatherly and Julie both switch their favorite parts to that as well.

After the end credits, there is an out-take of Covenant struggling with Prothall’s staff in the blue energy, being knocked backwards, and coming forward saying “did I hit you?”

After that, there is a still shot of a statue, with the words “Fantasy Bedtime Hour Productions” to the left of the statue, with a voiceover of Heatherly saying “Oh my god!” and Julie saying “I know! That’s hot!”. The statue is from Powerscourt Gardens in Enniskerry, County Wicklow, Ireland.

###Words Defined
None

###Firsts
First Fantasy Action Sequence without any on-screen text quoting from Lord Foul’s Bane?
First expert explicitly too large for the expert jacket, 15:55.

Tags: annotated-fantasy-bedtime-hour, criticism, fantasy-bedtime-hour, television, writing

AFBH 34: Pages 421-426

Tadhg — Sat, 04 Nov 2006 07:24:36 +0000

Episode 34. Tunnels.

The company wanders underneath Mount Thunder, more massage therapy.
http://fantasybedtimehour.com/episodes/EP34.php

###Pages 421-421.
Starts with “He stumbled down the span” (p421), ends with “into a low, nearly airless tunnel.” (p426)

###Expert
John

###Intro/Beginning

The episode begins with Julie doing the usual intro spiel, but being interrupted by Heatherly pushing Lord Foul’s Bane in front of her face over and over, prompting Cameraman Jenn to say “do not make me come out from behind this camera, young lady! Knock it off” (02:21).

After this, we see Heatherly rubbing her neck. She says that it must be hurting from reading too much Lord Foul’s Bane, and Julie says she has just the thing, producing a white box labeled “Bog Box of Body Massagers” (02:45). Out of this box she takes a “massager” that she claims is specially made for the neck and applies it to Heatherly’s neck. And face. And chest. Cameraman Jenn tells them that it’s not really a matter of massage, but of circulation, and starts hitting Heatherly with a light cat-o-nine-tails of some kind (03:18).

###Analysis of Pages

Heatherly says that they’re picking up immediately after the company crawled under the Word of Warning.

She relates Covenant’s objection Bannor being near him, and Bannor’s reminder that Covenant is in the care of the Bloodguard (p422). Then Heatherly says that the Word of Warning revealed that Lord Foul was expecting them, as if Foul knew that they would not fall victim to Drool’s army, and perhaps it was a test of some sort (04:31).

Heatherly: Covenant felt sure the Despiseer knew everything, and that Drool was mad, ignorant, and manipulated. They walk on, and Covenant is thinking about his ring, and “doing that thing again” where he questions the reality of the land (04:53). He considers throwing the ring away, but remembers Joan, and also trying to give it to the beggar, and accepts that he can’t get rid of it. They go on, and there’s darkness, and tunnels, and enormous depth.

Cameraman Jenn shifts the camera to focus on Moose (05:10). Heatherly says that Birinair searches for his way in this blind openness, and then gets Cameraman Jenn to shift focus back to her (05:22).

Heatherly: As they descend, “they do things like they turn left, and they turn right, and there are these landmarks that only Birinair can really recognize, and everything’s really cold, and loathsome” (05:35). They stopped for cold food, and later “Birinair led them out of cold and ventilated ways” (p425) into musty and hot tunnels (05:57). They went on for days and days, and could not afford to sleep or take long rest because the “peak of Drool’s present power was only one day away” (p425) (06:08).

Heatherly: Terrel returns and warns that ur-viles approach, about fifty, and that they have seen the light. And then everybody lost their shit, because they knew these ur-viles were going to come and attack them, and “Prothall groaned, and Mormon spat a curse and Manethrall Lilith drew a hissing breath” (05:29). As she relates this, Julie has some trouble with her beer, and ends up drinking some of it out of her hand (06:46).

Heatherly: “Birinair seemed to snap like a dry twig. Shouting ‘Follow!’ he spun to his right and raced away into the darkness.” (p426) (06:41). The Bloodguard follow him, as does Prothall after a pause, and “Mormon” gets the company battle-ready. The Hirebrand shouted, and there was all this panic and crap going on, and Birinair’s all “Follow!”, and Covenant follows, hearing behind him the beginning of combat. “He kept his eyes on Birinair’s light, and followed him into the low, nearly airless tunnel” (07:27).

After the “The Analysis” intertitle, we see Heatherly and Julie holding microphones and green drinks with orange slices in them. They start singing, alternating lines from “Total Eclipse of the Heart” (07:37) and drinking. Cameraman Jenn tells her they’re rolling, and Julie asks her “what’s up with these microphones?” (07:52). Cameraman Jenn replies that they have a bit of a sound issue, and that she’s sick of listening to their reverb.

Heatherly says that last action sequence was really exciting, Julie says she has a lot of questions, Heatherly says “me too!”, and Julie then asks her “what’s some of your questions, Heather?” and puts her microphone in front of Heatherly (08:10).

Heatherly says that they must have stunk so bad, since they were wandering around for days in hot, musty tunnels. Julie says “is that a question?”, and Heatherly says it was more of a comment, and her question is “what do they use for hygiene in the Land? What do you think they smell like after six days?” (08:32). Julie says that they probably smell like the banes they were cooking in the laboratory, which is probably like meth. Heatherly says “oh and like ass, too, like ass-meth.”

Julie asks why, if they’re [prsumably meaning Drool, the Cavewights, and the ur-viles] so powerful, they live in an un-airconditioned cave instead of a palace like the Council of the Lords (09:00). Heatherly says that’s a good point. Julie suggests that maybe this is part of the reason for their attacks, and that maybe the whole thing is more like an economic statement that Steven R. Donaldson is making. Heatherly asks if Julie is saying that the poor are evil, and Julie says “Heather, you’re twisting my words. Yes!” (09:35) and then suggests watching the action sequence.

After Covenant makes it under the Word and across the bridge, he wants to be alone, and is irritated at Bannor’s presence. Bannor points out that Covenant is under his care, and does not leave Covenant. Covenant thinks that Foul created the Word of Warning, that Foul knew that the party would not fall to Drool’s army, and that the Word could not have been sensitive to white gold if it had been created by Drool alone (p422). This is all speculation, as Covenant does not have sufficient information to be certain of these things, and the thoughts clearly reflect his pessimism and fatalism.

Covenant believes that the “bargain” he made “with the Ranyhyn” was to hold the impossibility and the actuality of the Land in equipoise by gaining distance from it (p423). It appears highly doubtful that the Ranyhyn would have even understood Covenant’s meaning (because that meaning would have appeared insane to them, really), much less had any power to agree to it on behalf of the entire Land. Further, a “strategy” of attempting to distance himself from its actuality, i.e. from what he is experiencing, is clearly doomed to failure unless that distancing results in some attenuation of his experienced reality—which it clearly does not. Covenant’s belief that Foul is using his ring to force him to bring together the “opposite madnesses” is tenuous, because that “equipoise” was clearly never stable. Stress would make it a lot harder to maintain, but the only way in which Foul is really affecting Covenant through the ring is by making the ring’s power more accessible to Covenant via its red infection. (Which phenomenon, as it’s somehow tied to the redness of the moon, is apparently the doing of Drool, although Drool may be a tool for Foul in this and other regards.)

Covenant considers throwing the ring away, but cannot bring himself to do it. He clings to the false equilibrium he has set up, believing that if it failed, he would be left only with his own capacity for darkness and violence, and unleashing that would lead to the destruction of the Land. These thoughts are clearly dysfunctional, because other possibilities obviously exist—such as accepting the reality of the Land and attempting to cope with its facticity, which prospect Covenant dreads to an extreme degree. This dread is, again, essentially based on his conviction that he is fundamentaly unable to cope with anything in any way except by relying on his self-conception of “wretched leper”, and that any threat to that conception is a literal threat to his existence (his quite real need to maintain himself through habits such as VSE provides all the support he needs to maintain his belief in this).

They march through the passages under Mount Thunder for what seems like days but is not, as Covenant knows by marking the passage of time according to the strength of red in his ring, which is tied to the rising and setting of the moon. As it grows more red, he knows that night is falling. He also thinks that the apex of Drool’s power is the next night, presumably because that’s the full moon (p425). Again, this is speculation, since neither he nor any of the rest of the party have any idea how Drool’s power waxes and wanes, or whether it’s tied to the moon in a generative way at all.

Terrel returns from scouting and tells the party that they have been spotted by about fifty ur-viles, who are approaching (p426). Birinair shouts “follow!” and runs down a passage, followed by two Bloodguard and Thomas Covenant.

###Key Misunderstandings

The statement that Lord Foul knew that they were coming—knew everything—is a speculation of Covenant’s, not presented as fact authorially.

They weren’t under there for days and days, as Covenant could tell from his ring.

Birinair knew the caves from studying old maps of them, and was not lost.

###Action Sequence

The Fantasy Action Sequence begins at 09:43.

It opens with “Bloodguard Bob” and Thomas Covenant in a cave. “Bloodguard Bob” is wearing a Ritual of Desecration T-shirt. They are tethered together with clingor. Covenant shakes it with frustration, trying to take it off, and says “just leave me the fuck alone, you twat” (10:03). “Bloodguard Bob” says “your life is in our care”, to which Covenant replies “whatever”.

We see the following scrolling text (10:13):

> pg. 422
>
> “But wjhen he was again
> marching in his place
> in the Quest…
>
> …cold petrification [sic—actually 'petrifaction' in the text]
> settled over
> his thoughts.”

Covenant thinks to himself “that whole Word of Warning thing, that’s nothing more than a test, something to set up just to make us walk around this stupid shit for like days and days and days and days and days and days and days and days. And I bet that… that… what’s his name?” We hear ~~Julie~~Cameraman Jenn’s voice say “Lord Foul” (10:32). Covenant continues “Lord Foul, ah, Lord Foul, he knows everything. See him up there with the little marionettes, making us move our arms around, dit-de-dit-de-dit-de-de, god this is so boring. I am so fucking bored. Whoa, my ring! God, my ring is trippin’ me out. What the hell? Ah, reminds me of Joan” (10:56). As he says this, a picture-in-picture shot of a topless Joan Collins (possibly from The Bitch appears in the upper right.

Covenant continues “Ah, Joan, you bitch! Oh god, and then I gave it to that beggar” (11:01) A picture-in-picture shot of the ‘man in the ocher robe’ from Episode 1 appears in the upper right.

Covenant continues “god, that beggar was such a bitch. Oh god, I’m hungry. I’m so hungry. God, I hope my lunch has chicken in it” (11:11). As he says “chicken”, a shot of a chicken appears in the upper right. (Covenant thinking of chicken whenever he is portrayed as lost in his thoughts is a recurring Fantasy Bedtime Hour invention.)

We see the following scrolling text (11:15):

> pg. 424
>
> “Birinair…led his
> companions into a
> stone corridor
> so narrow they
> had to pass
> in single file.”

We then see the party pass by in single file, led by Birinair, followed by “Lord Mormon”, Covenant, a white “Ranynyn”, the black and orange “Ranynyn”, and “Bloodguard Bob”. This is followed by another shot of them going the other direction in the same order. They appear to shivering.

Birinair sees the torso of a skeleton hung up on one of the cave walls (11:52) and says “oh! Everybody, turn left at the dead pirate”.

We see the following scrolling text (12:05):

> pg. 425
>
> “Later old Birinair
> led them out of cold
> ways into closed
> musty HOT tunnels.”
> [Paraphrased from original text, with added emphasis.]

We see “Lord Mormon”, sweating profusely, walk to the right. This is followed by “Lilith” doing the same to the left, Covenant to the right (complaining about the heat), “Bloodguard Bob” to the right (showing plumber’s crack for some reason), and then “Lord Mormon” again. “Mormon” drinks deep through a straw from some drink in a small carton (12:31).

A moment later, walking to the left with Covenant behind him, “Mormon” stops and says “ah”. We see a door with “STAY OUT”, “TOP SECRET Forbidden LABORATORY”, and “NO BOYS” signs on it, as well as a poster of Ricky Martin (12:38). “Mormon” says “that must be where the banes are made. All right, time for lunch!”

Covenant, Birinair, “Bloodguard Bob”, “Lord Mormon”, and the white “Ranynyn” pause to eat. “Mormon” is deeply enjoying his drink (the same one as earlier). He also enjosy his food, and then says “All right! It’s time to go. The peak of Drool’s power is only one day away!” Covenant asks “how do you even know that?”, and “Bloodguard Bob” replies “foresight” (13:20). Birinair protests “I’m not done with my lunchables!” and then throws a packet of food to the floor. “Mormon” repeats “One day away.” Birinair says “you have no respect for you elders.”

We see the following scrolling text (13:33):

> pg. 425
> “Abrubtly [sic], Terrel
> return from
> his scouting position.”

Terrel tells the rest of the group: “The ur-viles, they’re coming. There’s about fifty of them”, to which “Mormon” says “son of a bitch!” Terrel says “and they seen your light” and points at Birinair. “Lilith” hisses (in a rather vampire-like fashion). Covenant says “whatever.”

Birinair cries “Follow!” and runs off. “Mormon” starts giving orders: “Birinair, keep calling ‘follow’. Covenant, hide behind this boulder. Ranynyn, stop humping and start running. Terrel, go find Bloodguard Bob. Dead pirate, hang in there. Covenant, what are you doing? You’re hiding behind a bolder, what—go follow Birinair!” (Terrel is clearly played by the same actor as “Bloodguard Bob”. The skeletal pirate torso, visible again in this scene, is hanging by its arms and cannot do other than as “Mormon” instructs.)

Covenant and Birinair run, apparently in place, and Birinair yells “follow!”. “Mormon” says “everyone, prepare for battle!” (14:14) as we see “Lilith” wielding nunchaku and practicing a kick.

We then see Covenant and Birinair running in place again, intercut with “Mormon” looking at the camera.

The Fantasy Action Sequence ends at 14:28.

###Expert

The expert is John, who appears on screen at 14:40. He is wearing the expert jacket, but doesn’t have it when he appears in the bed. He is a journalist (14:55). He has apparently read Lord Foul’s Bane twice, having read it first in the Eighties and then going back to it (15:57). He has understood Lord Foul’s Bane one-and-a-half times (16:02).

Julie asks if “this ring of fire” was a test for the company, since Foul and Drool knew they were coming anyway, and did they pass or fail it (16:23). (Julie appears to mean the Word of Warning when she refers to the ring of fire.) Heatherly asks what they get if they pass the test, and Julie asks if it’s a test of dexterity. John says “or constition, or strength, or charisma, intelligence, armor class… I think the Word, and the ring of fire, are both tests in a string of trials laid down by Lord Foul, essentially to find out what kind of threat they are to him and his schemes to destroy the physical world dominate everything” (16:54). In this statement, John mentions five of the six Dungeons & Dragons abilities, apparently substituting armor class for wisdom. He also appears to think that there was a “ring of fire” as well as the Word of Warning, having been confused by Julie on this point.

Heatherly asks if Lord Foul has been fucking with them over and over again this whole time just to see how strong and clever they are (17:08). Julie says “I thought this was Drool’s trap, anyway.” Heatherly claims that there’s no way Drool could set up a trap like that. Julie says that the last episode revealed that Drool had set up the trap. Heatherly says that might have been Drool with Foul’s help. John says that Lord Foul is very much the active player.

They then have a discussion about the various “tests” or “traps” that the party has or may have encountered. John again refers to the “ring of fire” as a separate event, confusing Julie, and they talk about the earlier events in the book having been tests. Heatherly says that they’re still alive, which is a pass.

Heatherly, referring to Covenant thinking about giving his ring to the beggar, asks why the beggar returned the ring to Covenant (18:34). John says that he was no ordinary beggar, that he was telling Covenant what lay ahead of him. Julie says she doesn’t remember him doing that. Cameraman Jenn reminds them that the beggar is the Creator, points out that this was in an earlier episode, and asks them if they forgot. Heatherly doesn’t remember, and Jenn says it was in the Higgins O’Higgins episode. (It wasn’t, it was in Episode 25.) Julie then points out that it’s John’s episode.

Julie asks whether, had Covenant gone to the Land without the white gold ring, they would have killed him (19:48). John asks “who would have killed him” and Julie says “everyone in the Land”. John says it’s anybody’s guess. Julie says that Covenant is a jerk and they’re only keeping him around because they think he’s somebody, like he’s Berek Halfhand.” John says that they do have the principle of not taking lives, but that Covenant wouldn’t make himself a VIP. Heatherly says that the white gold ring is like a VIP pass, and John says right, it’s like the MTV backstage pass.

Heatherly wants to know what kind of laboratories are involved in bane-making, and what do they mean by banes. She and Julie also want to know what year they were making banes in the laboratories. They ask about other technology in the Land, and John asks if any of it is even real, or just in his imagination, and Heatherly focuses the discussion on the question regarding the laboratories and the banes (21:06).

John says “well, actually, girls, the definition of a laboratory is any place where experiments are done in the pursuit of knowledge, and it doesn’t have to include microchips, computers, microscopes… and in this case it’s something metaphysical, a place where sorcery is done in pursuit of things like banes” (21:25). Julie again asks what a bane is (Douglas answered this for them in Episode 28). John says a bane can be any kind of nemesis, something that gets in your way. Julie asks if, then, these labs are like factories of irritating obstacles, and John says “like in Gauntlet” (22:01).

They want to know how Birinair knows where they are, which Heatherly claims they never explain (22:18). John says that he was confused by that too. Julie asks if he’s senile or really knows where he’s going, and John says that he thinks that wizards work in mysterious ways, and that they’ll have to wait until page 426 to find out whether he knows where he’s going. (In fact, that Birinair has studied the ancient maps of Mount Thunder is mentioned on p410—during the argument with Prothall that Julie references during the discussion.)

Heatherly says that in leading them through the tunnels, Birinar seems “really spry for a dotard. What’s up with that?” (23:25). John says he doesn’t have any answer to that.

Julie wants to know why, upon the ur-viles discovering the light from Birinair’s staff, Prothall doesn’t immediately take the lead again, since the only reason they were following him was becase his light was supposed to be harder for the ur-viles to detect (23:56). John says that it was the best they could do at the time, it was either Birinair’s light or no light.

Chart-writing begins at 24:12, on the topic “what did the laboratories look like?”

Chart-writing ends at 24:44.

Heatherly’s chart (24:52) shows an evil scientist holding a beaker over a flame, next to eye of newt and toads, and the bane that’s being created is creatures burning somebody at the stake.

Julie’s chart (25:12) shows a guy with a beaker, and a microscope, and containers marked as “BANE”, but also containers marked “SPEED”, “T-REX”, and “VELOCI-RAPTOR”.

John’s chart (25:36) shows a cross-section of a bane laboratory, with a number of devices being fed into a “BANE-O-MATIC” on the right. Underneath it are boxes marked “Property of Evil Wizard dude” and “Bane Construction Supplies—Fragile!”.

The “post-coital” segment starts at 26:13. Unusually, Heatherly is in the middle, with John to her right and Julie to her left.

Julie’s favorite part was when Birinair was leading them all through the tunnels and had no idea where he was going (26:28).

Heatherly’s says she really liked it when Birinair led them into that hot, musty tunnel (26:32) but doesn’t state and isn’t asked for a favorite part.

John’s favorite part was the dotage, but he also liked the interplay between the Word and the bridge, and the Word and the ring (26:46) (He appears to be referring to parts covered in the previous episode).

After the end credits, there is an out-take of Heatherly inadvertently asking Julie what her “favorite fart” was.

###Words Defined
Laboratory: A place suited to or built for the conducting of scientific experiments. John defines it as “any place where experiments are done in the pursuit of knowledge”.
Bane: Something that ruins or destroys, usually with poisonous or ill-fated overtones. John defines it as “any kind of nemesis, something that gets in your way”. (This word was also defined in Episode 28.)

###Firsts
First appearance of Fantasy Bedtime Hour merchandise on the show, 09:55.

Tags: annotated-fantasy-bedtime-hour, criticism, fantasy-bedtime-hour, television, writing

AFBH 33: Pages 417-421

Tadhg — Fri, 03 Nov 2006 06:13:51 +0000

Episode 33. A Word of Warning.

The Lords sing through an obstacle, and cartographical documents are unearthed.
http://fantasybedtimehour.com/episodes/EP33.php

###Pages 417-421.
Starts with “Covenant wandered forward as if in a trance” (p417), ends with “the bridge and the Word were still intact” (p421).

###Expert
Fuzzy Philippe

###Intro/Beginning

The episode begins with Heatherly talking about a Fantasy Bedtime Hour drinking game that someone posted to their forum, and says that she doesn’t like it because the stuff on it never happens:

* Julie says “fuck”.
* Heatherly can’t pronounce a word.
* Either of them takes a drink.
* Julie says “that’s hot”.
* Heatherly says “oh my god”.
* Cameraman Jenn speaks at all.
* Heatherly says “whatever”.
* They get a visit from Adult Gladiator.
* There’s any shot of cleavage.
* There’s a bedsheet malfunction.

They deride this drinking game as useless, and then Cameraman Jenn tells them they’re rolling (20:35) (1), Julie says “fuck” (2), Heatherly says “oh my god” (3) and takes a drink (4) as her bedsheet slips (revealing a pastie) (5) and Julie says “that’s hot” (6) and Adult Gladiator (7) pulls the sheet up. There’s a closeup of Heatherly’s cleavage (8) and Julie says “you had a bedsheet malfunction” to which Heatherly replies “whatever” (02:46) (9).

After a fadeout, Julie gives the usual intro spiel while Heatherly sucks on a popsicle. The popsicle breaks (03:03).

###Analysis of Pages

Heatherly does the reading wearing kitty ears on her head. She says that they left off when the party were at the entrance of the cave but they haven’t gone in yet.

She says that Covenant’s ring is really itching and feeling funny, and that he’s feeling weird “like he’s tripping balls or something” (03:40). She says that Tuvor is leading the way when Covenant sees “a loop of shimmering air banded around the center of the bridge” (p417) (03:51), and that Tuvor is about to step into it when Covenant warns Tuvor to stop.

She relates that “Mormon” recalled Tuvor but Prothall just stared blankly until he struck his staff on the stone and ejaculated “ur-viles!” (04:20), and that “Mormon” asks incredulously “a Word of Warning?” (p418) (04:26).

Heatherly tells Julie that she had no idea what was going on, and so she looked it up in the back of the book and a Word of Warning means “a powerful, destructive forbidding” (p480) (04:49). She says that Drool set some spell in the middle of the bridge.

She says that the Word of Warning became visible to everybody, and that it’s a big red circle, and Prothall sings to it but when he stops it disappears. She says that Prothall then goes back to the others to tell them that it’s an alarm that if triggered will alert Drool and destroy the entrance to the catacombs (05:21).

She says that Prothall and “Mormon” go to it, sing, and do cool things with their staffs and get it to nudge a little so that the others can sneak past it—but Prothall tells Covenant that he has to go last because he’s afraid that Covenant’s ring would set it off (05:47).

She describes how Tuvor and Terrel attach clingor lifelines to everyone and that they get through one at a time, and that Covenant, going last, gets through with a lot of cursing.

After a fadeout, they clink beer bottles and chug them back.

Julie wants to know if Prothall’s song to the “red light” was “a sexy, intimate song” (06:58). Heatherly says that she thinks so, that Prothall might have been trying to seduce the light into going away. After a few suggestions for what the song might have been like, they say that the action sequence might cover it.

Covenant is put into a trance-like state by some enchantment, and begins to see the rest of the company as fading into mist—except for the Bloodguard, who like his ring remain completely solid (p417). He sees the spell-trap on the bridge, and this is enough to regain some control of himself and gasp a warning. Prothall and Mormon are shocked to discover a Word of Warning at the middle of the bridge. (The presence of the spell is also why there were ur-viles rather that Cavewights nearby—the spell needs occasional upkeep.) This is evidently lore more powerful than they have encountered, or can themselves perform. Prothall comments to Mhoram that Drool has had Foul’s help in mastering the Staff of Law—unlike the Lords themselves, who have no help in their own studies (p418).

Prothall approaches the Word and makes it visible, small pieces at a time, to measure its height and width. He uses a song to do this, and comes back to the company confirming that it is a Word of Warning. He also says that it would warn Drool and break Warrenbridge if touched (p419).

Prothall says that he thinks the Word can be “bent” without breaking it, but he is worried that Covenant’s ring might undo the Word simply by being near it, and so tells Covenant he must come last (p420). Covenant assents, and Prothall and Mhoram go onto the bridge together, place their staffs under the Word, and sing songs of power to raise it higher. When they have it a foot high, the party passes through underneath it (p421) until only Covenant is on the wrong side. He manages to get under it, despite hearing a keening, and seeing a cold red flame spring from his ring.

###Key Misunderstandings

Prothall exclaims “Ur-viles” on page 418. “Ejaculate” here is used as a synonym for “exclaim”. No ejaculation involving semen, or ejaculation of ur-viles as semen-substitute, occurs.

###Action Sequence

The Fantasy Action Sequence begins at 07:38.

It opens with “Mormon” saying “all right! We’re ready to cross” and Covenant saying “finally!” (07:52). We then see Covenant’s halfhand, from the wrist down, and his ring glows yellow and green. “Mormon” stares at it, transfixed, as Covenant waves it around playfully, until “Mormon” grabs it, putting it out, prompting Covenant to say “what?” (08:15). “Mormon” says “your ring is trippin’ me out, dude!”, and Covenant replies “come to think of it, it’s making me all funny inside too.” They then stare intently at each other and appear to blur slightly. Prothall comes over and says “hey guys, I hate to interrupt your love fest, but—we gotta go into the catacombs!” (08:48). The white “Ranynyn” says (subtitled) “FINALLY!” (08:49).

We then see the following scrolling text (08:57):

> pg. 417
>
> “Then Covenant saw it –
> a loop of shimmering air
> banded around the
> center of
> the bridge.
>
> He did not know
> what it was,
> understood nothing
> about it, except
> that is [sic] was
> powerful.”

We then see Covenant, still looking spacey, and hear a noise like a humming turbine. We then see a red shimmering thing above what looks like a wall (09:04). Covenant says “what is it?” as Bannor walks along the wall towards it. Covenant looks on, worried. Bannor continues. Covenant shouts “Stop! Stop! Hellfire! Bannor, don’t you see it?” (09:27). Bannor looks confused, and Prothall calls him back, and then asks Covenant what he sees. Covenant replies “it’s not rocklight, and I’m not tripping balls, Prothall” (09:36). Bannor returns, and Prothall says to “Mormon” that he is blind not to have seen the connection between the ur-viles and the rocklight, that they were “tending the power”. “Mormon” says “a Word of Warning” (09:49). He then asks if it’s possible, if Drool has entirely mastered the Staff.

Covenant asks Bannor what a Word of Warning is, and Bannor says that it’s like a spell, a landmine, and that it’s going to kill them all. Covenant says “so?”, and Bannor says “we’re all gonna die! We’re all gonna die!”, to which Covenant replies “big whoop, dude. Hah.” Bannor then tells him not to worry, that Prothall and “Mormon” know what to do (10:13).

Prothall says that they might be able to get past it with a spell, but that Covenant’s ring might set it off and that Covenant has to go last, to which Covenant says “fine. It’s all just a dream, anyway” (10:28). “Mormon” says “Prothall! Are you suggesting—” and Prothall says “yes I am” (10:33). Bannor runs by and says “everybody hang onto this clingor“.

We then see the following scrolling text (10:48):

> pg. 420
>
> “Prothal [sic] and Mormon [sic]
> ascended cautiously
> until they wre only
> an arms [sic] length from
> the invisible Word.
>
> There they knelt
> together and
> started their song.”

We then see Prothall and “Mormon” doing synchronized, choreographed moves with their staffs. At 10:56, Prothall starts singing “Roxanne” (which is about prostitution and repeatedly refers to a “red light”). He and “Mormon” alternate singing it until 11:36, when Prothall says “quickly, everyone, through the ring. Except you, Thomas Covenant. You go last” (11:41). Covenant says “whatever”. Prothall and “Mormon” resume singing at 11:43. At 11:48 we see them and the Word of Warning, which looks as if it’s higher up. Bannor, the white “Ranynyn”, Prothall, and “Mormon” hurry under it as “Mormon” continues singing. “Mormon” tells Covenant to come through (12:16). Covenant says “whatever, it’s only a dream anyway” and goes under it while swearing at the red light. The white “Ranynyn” says (subtitled) “Holy shit! He actually made it!” (12:39).

The Fantasy Action Sequence ends at 12:44.

###Expert

The expert is Fuzze Philippe, who appears on screen at 13:01. He is not wearing the expert jacket (which Heatherly is holding). They think he’s French (13:17) but he’s actually Québécois (13:34). He has read Lord Foul’s Bane 2 or 3 times (14:00) and has understood it one-and-a-half times (14:14).

He produces a gift, saying it’s from the “experts of France”, of two truffles (14:32).

He has the first edition paperback of Lord Foul’s Bane (14:55), and he points out that it has the scene that they’re discussing on the front.

Heatherly wants to know how Prothall “strikes his staff on the stone and ejaculated ur-viles” (15:38). Philippe says that Prothall realizes something and that it comes out as an ejaculation. Heatherly asks if Prothall ejaculated on the ur-viles. She and Julie then argues about whether Prothall ejaculated on the ur-viles or ejaculated ur-viles. They ask Philippe who’s right, and Philippe says “I think he just spoke” (16:22).

Julie asks if he knew that a Word of Warning was a spell when he first read the book (16:39). He says he had a sense that it was something like that, yes. Julie asks what kind of spell it is, and he says that it’s relatively simple, that if you cross it, it’s like a telegram. They agree that it’s basically an alarm system, and Julie asks if anyone can buy them in the Land. While attempting to answer this question, Philippe stumbles on Drool’s name, and then asks “are we talking about ejaculation and drooling here?” (17:27). Julie comments that they’ve established that there’s something gay going on in the book, and Philippe asks if there’s something going on between Mhoram and Prothall. They say no, and Julie says “Mormon is way out of Prothall’s league” (17:45).

Julie asks if the book is about humanoids against magical creatures (17:55), and then asks if that’s racist, and asks what right the humans have to burst into the cave of the ur-viles and Cavewights and start stealing stuff and killing those sentient creatures who clearly have their own form of government. Philippe says “they’re evil! They’re bad guys!” (18:38) and Julie says the whole thing sounds very racist. Heatherly says that the ur-viles and Cavewights are fucking up the Land, Philippe says that she’s right, and Heatherly says “I’m right” (19:06).

Heatherly wants to know why Prothall had to sing a hoary song to get the Word to appear (19:21). Philippe tries to explain what “hoary” means in this context by referring to throaty incantations from movies like The Craft. Julie wants to know what Prothall sang, and Philippe says he has no idea, but that it was probably guttural and deep. He says that it’s not like any of the sex magick that he’s ever done (20:03).

He appears without his jacket, and so is naked from the sheets up, at 20:06, and tells them that he did bring another gift. The gift is The Atlas of the Land, an atlas of the Land. They flip through it until they find a map of the scene they’re discussing (20:29).

Julie asks if the lyrics to the song are something they teach them in “Council School” (20:54). Philippe says that it’s knowledge that they learn from Kevin’s Lore.

Heatherly says that she thought that Drool was stupid, and asks if he’s getting smarter because of the Staff of Law and whether that enabled him to create the Word of Warning (21:16). Philippe says yes. Julie says that that is the best magic they’ve encountered so far in the book, and Philippe agrees that the magic is kinda lousy. Julie wants to know what the party think they’re going to do when they encounter Drool, given that his magic is so powerful, and Philippe points out that they have Covenant, and that they believe in him. Julie says “yeah, but I believe in Heatherly and it’s gotten me nowhere” (22:30).

Chart-writing begins at 22:54, on the topic “what’s in the chasm?”

Chart-writing ends at 23:47.

Julie’s chart (23:56) shows the cave entrance on the left, with a bridge connecting it to the other side, and the chasm underneath the bridge has a number of stores, including a Wal-Mart, an IKEA, and a Crate and Barrel.

Heatherly’s chart (24:10) shows the view from the perspective of someone looking down into the chasm—including a view of their shoes. In the chasm are monsters, including little bat-like creatures, and there is also trash like old boots and beer cans in the chasm.

Philippe’s chart (24:27) shows a wedge-shaped chasm, with a bridge spanning it. In the middle of the bridge are rocklights and the Word of Warning. There are Cavewights in the chasm, and he describes them as a cross between monkeys and spiders.

The “post-coital” segment starts at 25:58.

Heatherly’s favorite part was when Prothall ejaculated over the ur-viles (26:03).

Julie’s favorite part was also “that ejaculation part” (26:24).

Philippe’s favorite part was when they went under the Word of Warning (26:40).

After the end credits, there are out-takes of: Covenant and “Mormon” talking really fast; and Prothall cracking up after Bannor goes by with the clingor

After this, there is a still shot of a statue, with the words “Fantasy Bedtime Hour Productions” to the left of the statue, with a voiceover of Heatherly saying “Oh my god!” and Julie saying “I know! That’s hot!”. The statue is from Powerscourt Gardens in Enniskerry, County Wicklow, Ireland.

###Words Defined
None

###Firsts
First appearance The Atlas of the Land, 20:11.

Tags: annotated-fantasy-bedtime-hour, criticism, fantasy-bedtime-hour, television, writing

AFBH 32: Pages 413-416

Tadhg — Thu, 02 Nov 2006 06:13:48 +0000

Episode 32. Sentries.

What Heatherly and Julie watch on television, and getting… closer… to… the… catacombs…
http://fantasybedtimehour.com/episodes/EP32.php

###Pages 413-416.
Starts with “‘Warrenbridge lies ahead’” (p413), ends with “‘This is not right’” (p416).

###Expert
Diana Mars

###Intro/Beginning

The episode begins with Heatherly excitedly telling Julie to watch “Karotica’s new show”. We see a television with Karotica moving stiffly from side to side on it. Julie says “I hate this show” (2:00).

We see yellow curtains and the title text “Karotica’s Nutritional Era”. Karotica pokes her head out from behind the curtains and then bursts out onto the stage. Heatherly dances along in bed while Julie looks unimpressed. Karotica performs a song apparently titled “Fiberzone” to the tune of “Danger Zone”. Karotica then switches to a song apparently titled “Move, bitch, get off the couch” to the tune of Move Bitch. Julie is enthusiastic about this one, while Heatherly is not.

We then see crolling text informing us that they totally forgot to introduce the episode, and then going through the usual spiel (03:38).

###Analysis of Pages

Heatherly recaps by saying that they were about to enter the catacombs, and Birinair was leading the way with his puny staff.

She says that one of the Bloodguard reports that the entrance to the catacombs lies ahead, that there are sentries, and that Prothall asks if they can approach. She relates that they can approach to within in bow range, and that the Lords are surprised that there are only two sentries, but the Bloodguard shrug this off.

She says that Prothall gets the party together and tells them to take no risk without his order. Then she mocks him for warning them that he feels there is peril near (04:40).

Heatherly says that the book describes “the lay of the land”, and that there’s rocks, they even get on a ledge at one point, there’s a sheer stone wall and even a chasm. Julie says she likes chasms (04:57). Heatherly says there’s also this “huge boulder sitting like a door ajar before the entrance to an immense chamber” (p415) (05:04).

Heatherly reads Mhoram’s whisper to Covenant that there are only two, and Prothall’s concern at why Drool is using ur-viles rather than Cavewights on such a task as guarding a doorway. Heatherly says that Covenant wasn’t really listening to him because his ring was glowing and itchy.

She describes the party preparing for the attempt to kill the ur-vile sentries with arrows, and that the ur-viles are killed by the attack (06:07). She says that the party is happy about this, but that Prothall is certain that the danger has not passed.

She says that Covenant is uneasy, and Prothall asks him what he sees. Heatherly says Covenant is irritated and replies that he sees power, that Drool has enough of it to make the Lords look silly. Then she says “once again, they were off, towards the entrance to the catacombs” (06:50).

Heatherly says the most confusing thing about the passage is the bottom of page 415, where Prothall says “make the attempt. We can only fail” (07:13). JJulie says that Prothall is a killjoy, and that that’s his attempt at a motivational speech, which is a really sucky one. She also criticizes Prothall for damping the party’s happiness at killing the ur-viles because he senses more danger. Julie then criticizes Prothall for dismissing Covenant for saying that Drool’s power makes them look silly.

The company reaches a guarded doorway across a stone bridge, inside Mount Thunder (p413). Two sentries guard it, and the group is suspicious at this low number. The Eoman prepare to eliminate them by bowshot. Prothall is also concerned when he see that they guards are ur-viles, as he cannot understand why ur-viles rather than Cavewights would be on guard duty (p415). Prothall orders the attack to go ahead, and it is successful (p416).

Prothall warns the party against lowering their guard, still convinced that there is further danger. He asks Covenant what he sees, and Covenant says that he sees that Drool has power, enough power to make them look silly. Covenant then raises his ring, tinged with red, and says that it’s daylight outside—meaning that his ring, usually red in conjunction with the red moon, is red for some other reason. Prothall is deeply concerned, but cannot discern what the danger is.

###Key Misunderstandings

The redness of Covenant’s ring is significant because previously it’s been red at night, due to the moon. Here, it is red during the daytime.

###Action Sequence

The Fantasy Action Sequence begins at 08:05.

It begins with the following scrolling text (08:42):

> pg. 411
>
> “Terril [sic] and Korik took
> scouting positions.
>
> And after them went
> Prothal [sic] and Mormon [sic].
>
> Followed singly by
> Manethrall Lilith [sic],
> Covenant and Bannor.
>
> Next marched Quann [sic]
> with his Eoman.
>
> Leaving the last
> Bloodguard
> to bring up the rear.
>
>
>
>
>
> Shortly however
> Beerandair [sic] halted.
> Covenant, Lilith [sic] and
> the Lords quickly
> joind the old
> Hirebrand.

We then see “Lord Mormon” and Bannor looking over a ledge. Bannor says “Warrenbridge lies ahead. Korik watches. There are sentries.” and see see two ur-viles below.

Prothall says “shit! Shit! Shit!”, Birinair calls him a fool, Covenant says “fuck! Why is it only raining on me, and Prothall, and Birinair?” (09:02). “Lord Mormon” says he doesn’t know. Then he asks how many. Bannor says two. Prothall says “shit! Shit Shit!”, and “Mormon” says “by the Seven! Ur-viles. But why not Cavewights?”—to which Covenant asks “what’s the difference?” (09:23). “Mormon” says he doesn’t know.

We see the following scrolling text (09:32) as Covenant complains about the itching of his ring:

> pg. 416
>
> “He raised his
> left fist.
>
> His ring burned
> blood red.”

Covenant then complains that his ring is sterling silver, that he should have known it wasn’t white gold, and appears to throw it away. “Mormon” tells him to be still, that it has the power of white gold in this Land. Covenant protests that it’s turning his finger green, and “Mormon” tells him to be still again.

Prothall says “Okay everybody, I have something to say. Just be… very… very… very careful” (10:09). Birinair calls him a fool again.

We see the following scrolling text (10:16):

> pg. 416
>
> “Without a word
> Korick [sic] nodded up
> at Terrel.
>
> Together,
> two bowstrings
> thrummed flatly.”

We then see the ur-viles looking around, and Korik or Terrel skulking in bushes with a bow. He takes out one of the ur-viles, at which point the other one tries to help it and is taken out shortly thereafter. Covenant says “sweet! They totally killed the ur-viles… who are they again?” (10:41) “Mormon” replies that they are Terrel and Korik. Covenant starts complaining about his ring again, and Prothall asks him what he sees. Covenant says “Drool! He’s got enough power to kick all our asses!”, to which “Mormon” says “well duh!”, and Prothall says “shit! Shit! Shit!”. “Mormon” says “I miss Foamfollower” (11:02).

The Fantasy Action Sequence ends at 11:04.

###Expert

The expert is Diana Mars, who appears on screen at 11:25. She is wearing the expert jacket. She has read Lord Foul’s Bane an indeterminate amount of times greater than one (11:49), having started it in eighth grade and having probably read it once a year since then. Julie and Heatherly persuade her to take her top off, and she reveals (under a black top that was under the blue top) a ping bra with a “Heatherly” ribbon on the right side and a “Julie” ribbon on the right side (12:32). They don’t ask her how many times she’s understood Lord Foul’s Bane. They do find out that she is an artist and a scientist.

Heatherly says “so there’s Cavewights, guarding the entrance to the cave”—in fact they’re ur-viles—”so then, are ur-viles like fancier than Cavewights, because I guess Prothall kept going on an on about ‘why Cavewights? Why Cavewights?’ so, yeah, are ur-viles, like, fancier?” (13:21). Diana says that ur-viles have more power (meaning Earthpower), and that if they have more power, it means something that they’re guarding it and not the other guys. Julie asks “is it a trap?” (13:52) and Diana says it’s unusual and may indicate a trap.

Heatherly then says “if there are Cavewights guarding the entrance, and Cavewights are not as powerful as ur-viles, then maybe the Cavewights are like the expendable crewmembers from Star Trek.” (14:15) Heatherly is referring to the theory mooted in Episode 31 that Terrel and Korik are the redshirts of the party. Also, she is still confused about who’s guarding the entrance (ur-viles). Julie asks why they’d put the weaker things guarding the only entrance. Diana says they’re not the only thing guarding the entrance, and tells them that they’re assuming that the only thing guarding the entrance is going to be a creature, a person.

Julie asks if Drool is like a king (14:55). Diana says that he’s the head of the Cavewights. Julie asks why he’s controlling the ur-viles too, and Diana says that now they’re confusing her, and she’s read the book many times. Heatherly says “Drool is a Cavewight, true or false?” (15:11). Diana says he’s a Cavewight, and points out that they’re not completely stupid, that Drool did figure out how to get Covenant to the Land using the Staff of Law. Julie then asks why Drool would want to get Thomas Covenant to the Land if Covenant’s main purpose is to steal the Staff of Law from him. Diana gestures with her necklace and says “the white gold”. Julie says “what about the white gold, he wants it?” and Diana says “yes, that’s the most amount of Earthpower incarnate you’re going to get into contact and totally channels the power” (15:50). Julie says that he’s going to be disappointed, as she and Heatherly have figured out that the ring is actually cheap silver, because it keeps hurting his finger.

Julie asks what would happen if Drool got the white gold ring (16:58). Diana says that he would have a lot of power, more power than he would be able to handle. Julie asks what kind of power, whether it would be magical, and Diana says says, and that it would be Earthpower. Julie asks if it would be similar to Darth Vader’s force power (specifically the choking-at-a-distance ability). Diana says yes, but that it sounds more powerful than the force.

Heatherly asks if Thomas Covenant’s ring is evil (17:46). Diana says no, that the ring is an object that can channel the Earthpower, somehow make it available. Heatherly asks if it conducts magic because it’s mettal and metal “conducts energy and stuff”. Diana says “that’s right!” and makes a comment about it being based on the electrons in the metal.

Julie asks for an example of an Earthpower-equivalent in our world, and asks what Earthpower is (18:22). Diana says that she’s not sure that there’s an equivalent, but points to the amazing power of natural processes. They ask about what kind of magic it is, citing Galdalf and Harry Potter as possible options. Diana says that those are two different sorts of magic, and the magic in the Land is different from both of those. Julie says that the Earthpower magic sucks because she hasn’t seen it do anything except make some fire once, but Heatherly cites the example of the stone lions, and Julie says “that rules!” (19:31). Julie says that might have been a “historical event” that you can’t prove or disprove, that it’s a mythical story. Diana brings up aliantha, but Julie remains unimpressed, and Cameraman Jenn suggests Trell mending the pot, but Julie calls that “a stupid fucking power” (20:18). Diana objects, and Julie says “how are you going to, like, defeat me with pot-mending?” Diana says that she doesn’t think that Trell is concerned with beating her, that Trell is part of a peaceful people. Julie says “so you think that Drool might not actually have a physical power, but the ur-viles and Cavewights are awed by the fact that he can maybe mend a pot?” Diana replies that she doesn’t think Drool is going to bother with mending pots.

Julie asks what rocklight is (20:57). Diana explains that it’s not like “light rock” but rather a rock that is glowing, and that it doesn’t strobe but might have a slight pulse.

Julie refers to Covenant’s comment to Prothall (p416) that Drool’s got enough power to “make you look silly”, and says that’s not a lot of power because it’s really easy to make Prothall look silly (21:55). Diana says that Prothall is a regal character, despite the fact that Heatherly and Julie haven’t been making him look that way. Julie asks if “regal” means “incompetent” in the Land.

Heatherly asks how much power it takes to make Prothall look silly (22:15). Julie says that Birinair has enough power to make Prothall look silly, so it’s not very much power.

Julie says “so it’s not the power to actually make Prothall look just silly in front of his friends, it’s actually the power to make him look silly because he’ll be dead?” and Diana says yes.

Heatherly says that for her next question she’d like to read Diana a passage on page 415. She reads the description of the chasm and the river, and says that her questions is: “what?” (23:21). Julie suggests that this would be a good idea for chart-writing.

Chart-writing begins at 24:07, on the topic “what did the entrance to the Wightwarren look like?”

Chart-writing ends at 24:44.

Julie’s chart (24:55) shows a map with the river looping around on itself. It includes the “Pac Bell” office and two Cavewights guarding the entrance.

Heatherly’s chart (25:20) shows the river changing direction oddly, includes a duck and fish in the river, the Bloodguard scouts, Covenant, and Birinair, and has the river flowing past the boulder that is partly covering the entranceway. Behind the boulder are two ur-viles, oddly represented as fluffy round heads with antennae.

Diana’s chart (25:49) shows an impressively weel-drawn sketch of the party walking down a lede into a cavern mouth, with the river to their left and a rock wall to their right.

The “post-coital” segment starts at 26:38.

Heatherly’s favorite part was when they finally got to the cave entrance (26:55).

Julie’s favorite part was when Diana took off her shirt and had their names on her boobs (27:02).

Diana’s favorite part was Covenant’s ring throbbing red as a constant reminder that he can’t get away from it. (27:25). Heatherly says she wants to change hers to the throbbing ring too, but Julie says that she can’t change her answer.

The end credits include clips from Karotica’s show.

After the end credits, there is a still shot of a statue, with the words “Fantasy Bedtime Hour Productions” to the left of the statue, with a voiceover of Heatherly saying “Oh my god!” and Julie saying “I know! That’s hot!”. The statue is from Powerscourt Gardens in Enniskerry, County Wicklow, Ireland.

###Words Defined
None

###Firsts
First appearance of the rasterbated image of Berek as the backdrop for the show.
First mention of “Karotica’s Nutritional Era”, 02:00

Tags: annotated-fantasy-bedtime-hour, criticism, fantasy-bedtime-hour, television, writing

AFBH 31: Pages 409-412

Tadhg — Wed, 01 Nov 2006 06:12:36 +0000

Episode 31. The secret origin of Fantasy Bedtime Hour!

Stuck in small rooms where clothing is usually stored, and: beginnings revealed.
http://fantasybedtimehour.com/episodes/EP31.php

###Pages 409-412.
Starts with “Drool’s moon embittered the night” (p409), ends with “the downward rush of an avalanche” (p412).

###Expert
Jeff

###Intro/Beginning

The episode begins with Heatherly reading The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle.

“FBH Episode 31″ appears on the screen in red letters (01:57). We see that Julie is sleeping as Heatherly reads. She wakes up (02:15) and starts singing—the intro is in the style of R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet”.

> JULIE:
> It’s 10:30 at night and I roll on a book and it wakes me up
> I shoot up from the bed oh my god it’s a paper cut
> And I see Heatherly lyin’ there with Lord Foul’s Bane tucked under her head
> Say but you better not have another book up here up in our bed
>
> HEATHERLY:
> Julie don’t worry Lord Foul’s Bane is all you’ll find
>
> JULIE:
> Then I guess you won’t be worried when I pull back the covers just to ease my mind
>
> HEATHERLY (her thoughts):
> Shit. Think. Shit. Think. Shit. Think. Shit. Think.
>
> JULIE:
> Did I hear somethin’? Bitch, that [just says?] cell phone ring?
>
> HEATHERLY:
> Let’s just [unintelligible] ’cause just I didn’t hear anything
>
> JULIE:
> There’s a mystery goin’ on up in here and I’m gonna solve it
> Now Cameraman Jenn you get on over there and you open up that closet
>
> HEATHERLY:
> Please god don’t let her open up that closest
>
> JULIE:
> Open the closet
>
> HEATHERLY:
> Don’t open the closet
>
> JULIE:
> She’s got her hand on the closet.
>
> HEATHERLY:
> Get your hand off the closet.
>
> JULIE:
> She’s opening the closet.
>
> HEATHERLY:
> Get away from the closet
>
> JULIE:
> Open the closet
>
> HEATHERLY:
> I don’t want her to open the closet
>
> JULIE:
> Open the closet.

Jenn opens the closet to reveal Adult Gladiator standing there holding a hardcover copy of Dune.

After a fadeout/fadein, we see Heatherly and Julie on the bed. Julie asks “Well Heatherly, what was your character thinking when Jenn was going to go open up the closet?” (03:38) and Heatherly replies “Well I was thinking I just really didn’t want her to open up the closet.” Julie then goes into the usual intro spiel.

###Analysis of Pages

Heatherly says that they left off with all of the travelers going into the cave, but then Foamfollower couldn’t go because he was just too big.

She says “so here we are on page 409″ and shortly thereafter realizes that the party has not yet entered the cave (04:37).

She says that Covenant has a feeling that he’s forgotten something, but then gets distracted by Birinair arguing with Prothall. She describes Birinar arguing with Prothall, and how it ends with Prothall realizing that Birinair is right because his light is “quieter” than Prothall’s. She then describes the formation of the party (p411) (05:55).

She describes their entry into the catacombs, and Covenant’s realization that he had not said farewell to Foamfollower (06:07), and that this is what he had forgotten earlier.

She says that Covenant starts thinking that the company would be observed soon, and then a report would go to Drool, and then the army would be recalled, and then “what chance had Foamfollower against so many thousands of Cavewights” (06:25). She says that with these thoughts, Covenant walked as if he were listening for the downward rush of an avalanche (p412) (06:32).

Julie asks “who the hell’s Korik and Terrel?” (06:43) Heatherly says she doesn’t know, and asks if they’re Bloodguard (they are) and then says she doesn’t think they’re Bloodguard. Julie says she bets they’re impostors (06:58). Heatherly says that they’re the expendable crewmembers (07:09). Julie agrees and checks to see if they’re first in line in the company’s formation (they are). When the text verifies this, Julie says “they’re dead!”. She later adds “seriously, readers, when you’re reading a book and it’s suddenly there’s just like all these names thrown in that are just suddenly with the Quest, they’re dead. They’re gonna die” (07:47).

Going down Treacher’s Gorge, Covenant finds the descent difficult, and he is supported by the Bloodguard. He thinks that he has forgotten something, but is distracted by an argument between Prothall and Birinair (p410).

Birinair wants Prothall to let him go first in the catacombs. Prothall refuses, apparently thinking that Birinair is making some kind of heroic or sacrificial gesture. Birinair eventually makes him realize that he should lead because the light he will provide with his staff is less than that of Prothall’s, and therefore less likely to be detected by Drool (p411). Birinair does lead, and Korik and Terrel go ahead of him as scouts.

Covenant looks to see Foamfollower, realizing that he had not said goodbye, but cannot see the Giant. (It is not clear that this is what he thought he forgot earlier.)

He is strongly affected by being inside the mountain, and clings to his hopes as “his only protection” (p412). He considers the party “pathetically weak” (p412), and thinks that they will soon be discovered. From that discovery, he imagines a report to Drool, a recall of the army, the death of Foamfollower, and the company crushed like ants. He is unable to envision any other outcome.

This bleak outlook is entirely typical of Covenant, and raises the question of what hopes he protects himself with if he cannot see any outcome but their doom.

###Key Misunderstandings

Terrel and Korik are not expendable crewmembers. Or spies. Or newcomers—Korik is first mentioned on page 214.

Covenant wrote a book. From page 5: “He had written a novel in ecstasy and ignorance, and had watched it spend a year on the best-seller lists.”

###Action Sequence

The Fantasy Action Sequence begins at 07:55.

It opens with Rustah emerging from the catacomb entrance that the company entered in the previous episode. He is followed by a white “Ranynyn”, Bannor, “Lilith”, and “Lord Mormon”, who says “my bad, folks, thought that was the entrance to the catacombs” (08:35).

“Lilith” asks Bannor “you mena we’re not there yet?” and “Lord Mormon” tells them to stop hassling each other, that they’re almost there. Then he says “I miss Foamfollower” (08:50).

We then see Bannor asking Covenant if he’d like Bannor to carry him, to which Covenant says “Get away from me! I’m finding pride in making myself move” (08:58).

The party moves down Treacher’s Gorge. The white “Ranyhyn” has trouble moving over some of the rocks. After subtitled complaints, it says (subtitled) “I miss Foam Follower [sic]” (09:32).

We then see Prothall, and next to him Birinair. Prothall starts, and says “Whoa! Birinair! What are you doing here? I thought we left you in the cave!” (09:40). Birinair rants about how the young treat the old, and when Prothall tells him that he really did think they left him behind, Birinair tells him that he must not lead the quest with “that obnoxious staff—it would be suicide, fool!” (10:03). Prothall protests that his staff is just fine, that just the other day he was talking to “Mormon” and—at which point Birinair yells “silence, fool!” (10:11). Then he goes into an extended “when I was your age” rant.

Rustah says he’s getting concerned, and asks “Lord Mormon” if he should stop this. “Mormon” says no, Prothall’s a big boy, he can handle it (a reference to “Mormon” saying the same thing in Episode 29, when Prothall was being throttled by Foamfollower).

Continuing their argument, Birinair tells Prothall “that’s no way to treat your father!” and then, when Prothall asks if that’s true, calls him a fool for believing it. Birinair finally gets to the point that Prothall’s staff would be too bright, like a beacon to their enemies, and this his defective staff would be much better (11:18). They then argue further, with Birinair complaining about having a defective staff, until Prothall tells him “just go! Jesus!” (11:45).

We then see the following scrolling text (11:51):

> pg. 411
>
> “At once Terrel and
> Korik passed
> BerrandAir [sic]
> and took scouting
> positions twenty feet
> ahead of him…
>
> The company moved
> towards the entrance
> to the catacombs.”

We then see Rustah standing between “Mormon” and the white “Ranynyn”, saying “Who are these people? Have they been there the whole time?” (11:59). There is a cut to Terrel and Korik, both of whom are wearing red shirts. “Mormon” says “Those two? Those are Terrel and Korik… I dunno. But I’m glad they’re scouting the lead” (12:06), at which the “Ranynyn” says (subtitled): “No doubt!” and the three of them laugh.

We then see the following scrolling text (12:15):

> pg. 412
>
> “Covenant strained his
> attention as if he
> were listening
> for a note of sense
> in the gibberish
> of his experience.”

We the see Covenant, looking disturbed, and we hear his thoughts: “Fuck! What are we going to do if/when this fucking battle? I mean, god, everything’s kinda gonna go to shit, right? Like, Prothall’s gonna get his ass kicked, and Lord Mormon might like, I don’t know, some sorta like scabies or something, and like we’re all gonna die, but does it really even matter? ‘Cause like, well like I’ll just go back to being a leper, right? Well, that kinda sucks anyway, but like, I guess it’d be better than getting my ass kicked by a bunch of like weird guys with like black faces, but at the same time, I sure do like my new friends here even though they kinda suck, and this place is weird, like, I don’t know, man, chicken sounds really good right now!” (13:01) (Covenant thinking of chicken whenever he is portrayed as lost in his thoughts is a recurring Fantasy Bedtime Hour invention.)

The Fantasy Action Sequence ends at 13:03.

###Expert

We see Heatherly and Julie saying “’sup?” to each other for a while before they remember to introduce the expert.

The expert is Jeff, who appears on screen at 13:21. He is not wearing the expert jacket, but after a fade he has it on at 13:27. Julie and Heatherly debate whether he is Gothic, New Wave, or Darkwing (Julie probably means “Darkwave“. He has read Lord Foul’s Bane four times (13:48), and understood the first time (13:52). He tells them he doesn’t quite get what they don’t get. They say they only allow geniuses to be experts, and he asks “what about Tadhg?” (14:18). When Julie says “super-genius”, he snorts and says “okay, what—okay”.

Julie says that in Episode 30 she thought they went into the cave, and then here they’re getting ready to go into the cave, and wants an explanation for what happened. He explains that they went into the crevasse and hadn’t quite entered the cave part of it (14:51). Julie then asks that if that’s the case, why did the leave Foamfollower there, and Heatherly asks if they’re just trying to ditch him. Jeff says “well, he could have been possessed” (15:05). Julie rejects this explanation, and Jeff says that he’s standing guard, but Julie wants to know what Foamfollower is too big to fit into if they’re not at the cave entrance when they leave him behind. Jeff says they’re in a crevasse with the ceiling coming down.

Heatherly claims that Birinair and Prothall’s argument involves Birinair wanting to impeach Prothall (15:39). Jeff says “like a power trip” and Julie says that it seems like it. Jeff says that if Prothall hadn’t listened to Birinair, he would have given the whole party away with his staff (15:59). Julie asks if Prothall’s staff lights brighter than those of the others, and Jeff says yes. Julie asks if they decide who the leader is by who has the biggest staff, and Jeff says “this whole book is about the biggest staff” (16:20). Heatherly says that the Staff of Law is the biggest staff of all, and Jeff concurs. Then he says that it’s eternally hard and can’t be broken. Julie asks how to determine the size of a person’s staff. Jeff says “well, what do women say? They always say it doesn’t matter.” and Julie says “who says that?”, to which Jeff replies “shit, they always say that to me” (16:38).

Julie says that she didn’t even know Birinair was there, and Jeff says “I know! It was weird, I thought he was like the sheepherder or something, because suddenly he shows up, and he’s got some authority” (16:56). They try to figure out if he’s been there the whole time, and Heatherly suggests that maybe he’s so old that he’s always been like a mile behind.

Heatherly asks Jeff why he thinks Joan left Covenant (17:18). He says “Because Joan wanted a little pussy bitch-boy who was dependent on her. But then, when he finally became successful, she blamed it on his leprosy” (17:30). Heatherly asks if Covenant was successful before he had leprosy, and Jeff says that he was. Julie wants to know what book of Covenant’s was successful, because maybe they read it. Jeff suggests The Prince of Tides and Julie excitedly asks “was it Dune?”—to which Jeff says “don’t even say that about Dune! My god! That’s so awful” (17:51).

Heatherly says she’s confused, that she was there, and read pages 1 thorugh 4, and pages 4 through 8, and doesn’t remember anything about Covenant having written a book. Jeff insists (correctly) that Covenant wrote a book and was successful. Julie asks if the book was the VSE pamphlet, which she bets was hugely successful.

Julie asks what will happen if they go into the ravine and they encounter some situation where they need Foamfollower (18:32). Heatherly says “they’re just screwed”, and Jeff says “what would he do?”. While Julie says he could kill a lot of people with his luggage, Jeff says “I get so tired of Foamfollower laughing inappropriately when things are uncomfortable” (18:45).

At 18:52, Jeff no longer has the expert jacket on. Heatherly asks “who is [sic] Terrel and Korik?” Jeff says “aren’t they Bloodguard?” Heatherly says she doesn’t know, and reads the line about their taking scouting positions in front of the Hirebrand (p411). Julie asks “what’s a Hirebrand?” Jeff says that Terrel and Korik are like those guys in Star Trek that you always knew would die, prompting Heatherly to gleefully say “I knew it!”

Heatherly asks how Covenant could have forgotten to say goodbye to Foamfollower, and calls him a jackass. Jeff agrees. He says that Covenant is just afraid of closeness (19:54).

Julie asks what demesne is, mispronouncing it “demense”. Jeff says that he saw that word. He suggests that it could be like “demenstruation” (20:13), then says he doesn’t know. Julie asks Cameraman Jenn, and Jeff then spells it as Julie pronounced it. Jenn correctly defines it as “domain”, and points out that the S is silent. Julie says that she challenges that and asks where the Scrabble dictionary is (20:36). They pull out a dictionary. Apparently Jenn off-camera changed her definition to “into the household”, because that’s what she says when Jeff asks her for the definition again. He says that she’s right, that it’s dominion or territory, and calls her a savant (21:11).

Julie says that the text says Birinair lost his dignity, and she wants to know where it was (21:25). Jeff makes a joke about Birinair wearing Depends and soiling himself, followed by a joke about Birinair’s digity or loss of dignity being like having toilet paper stuck to your shoe. Julie asks if he’s the butt of everyone’s jokes because he’s so old, and then asks if he became the oldest after “Mormon’s” parents died. The three of them agree that this was the case.

We then see Heatherly and Julie alone in the bed. Heatherly says that their expert and Cameraman Jenn are taking a smoke break, and Julie says “I know, it’s kinda weird”, and Heatherly says “I know, like, what the hell are we supposed to do?” (22:17). Julie says that she thought they’d cease to exist, but they’re still there, so maybe they should talk about their questions.

Julie asks “what the hell was up with Thomas Covenant writing a book?” (22:25) Heatherly says that she was present for the first few episodes, that she read them herself, and doesn’t remember anything about Covenant having written a book. Julie asks if she thinks that Jeff just made that up, and Heatherly says that she does.

Heatherly says that Cameraman Jenn seemed to be all angry, and wonders if she’s pissed at Jeff. Julie says no, that she’s pissed at them for challenging her on the word “demense” (22:46).

Heatherly says she thinks they’re coming back, and they wait expectantly until Julie says “no, they’re still smoking” (22:58).

Jeff is back in the bed at 23:02. Heatherly says “this is a very special chart-writing for me, because, a long time ago Julie and I were reading this book, and we got to this part where they had to get into this exact formation to go into the cave, and then we got really confused and started asking each other questions and then we thought ‘oh my god, what if we had a show where we started asking each other questions and then we could have experts, which would be somebody like you, come on our show and answer them for us’ and that’s how the Fantasy Bedtime Hour—” and Julie says “It’s true, this next chart is how the Fantasy Bedtime Hour got started” (23:35).

Chart-writing begins at 23:47, on the topic “what was the exact formation the questers were in before they went into the cave?”

Chart-writing ends at 24:26

Julie’s chart (24:41) shows Korik going first, followed by Terrel (she comments that you know they’re going to die), followed by “Beer + Air”, Thomas Covenant, “Mormon”, “Lilith”, and Prothall.

Heatherly’s chart (25:03) is an overhead diagram showing the “gaping maw” where the party is heading, and she has “Torrik” and “Kirell” twenty feet in front of Birinar [sic] Hirebrand, behind whom are two Bloodguard, followed by “Mormon” and Prothall, “Lilith”, Bannor, Thomas Covenant, and then Quaan with his Eoman in files of three.

Jeff’s chart (25:38) shows numbered bowling pins. It also has a representation of Foamfollower as a legume—a kidney bean. Moose growls, Heatherly asks what’s up with him, Jeff says Moose doesn’t like his interpretation, and Julie says that Moose thinks Jeff’s interpretation is a little shoddy, a little schlocky. Jeff says it’s a little abstract.

The “post-coital” segment starts at 26:16.

Heatherly’s favorite part was getting to the exact formation (26:38).

Julie’s favorite part was when Birinair totally called Prothall “fool!” (26:47).

Jeff’s favorite part was “finally making the real penetration” (27:00).

The end credits include an out-take of Heatherly, Julie, and Jeff laughing about Birinair rediscovering his dignity.

After the end credits is an out-take of the Heatherly, Julie, and Jeff, with Julie saying “welcome to our demense” and Jeff cracking up.

###Words Defined
Demesne: domain, in the sense of property or region.

###Firsts
First appearance of episode title, 01:57
First mention of the origin of Fantasy Bedtime Hour, 23:35

Tags: annotated-fantasy-bedtime-hour, criticism, fantasy-bedtime-hour, television, writing

AFBH 30: Pages 403-408

Tadhg — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 06:47:15 +0000

Episode 30. Invitation to a betrayal.

Lord Foul plans a social event, and what Lord Foul’s Bane has to do with biochemistry.
http://fantasybedtimehour.com/episodes/EP30.php

###Pages 403-408.
Starts with “Thousands had already left their Wightwarrens” (p403), ends with “and the last four Bloodguard” (p408).

###Expert
Dr. Lev O

###Intro/Beginning

The episode begins with Julie reading Lord Foul’s Bane (saying “Foamfollower says something like ‘blah, blah, blah’”) and Heatherly looking bored. She says “Hey, Julie, I’m bored, can we go to bed now?” (02:03). Julie hits her with the book and says “Heatherly, don’t be such a pussy. I don’t understand this negative attitude you seem to get around Christmas.” Heatherly replies “I wonder what life would be like if we’d never done Fantasy Bedtime Hour.” (02:12). As she does this, a man wearing a santa hat and white underwear walks over to her side of the bed. Julie notices him and shies back, pulling Heatherly with her. Julie says “who are you?” (02:18). He says “Girls, I am the ghost of Christmas past” (02:21) This causes the two of them to rejoice loudly, but he disappoints them by saying “I’m sorry, I can’t have sex with you, because I’m a ghost” (02:33). They’re upset by this, and there’s an intertitle saying “And so…” (02:39).

We then see the ghost between Heatherly and Julie in the bed, telling them that he’s taking them on a magical journey to see what life would be like if they had never existed.

The first stop on this journey is their bed, where Cameraman Jenn is filming Moose. She’s saying “Hey mooskerdoodle, he’s cuter than your poodle, he wiggles like a noodle, ’cause he’s my mooskerdoodle” (03:16). Julie says that this is sad, and they feel sorry for Jenn. They ask if there’s any discussion of Lord Foul’s Bane (or, Heatherly says, Sword of Shannara), and ask if that’s all that happens, and say that they’re bored and the show sucks.

The second stop is me in their bed, with Moose on my lap. I’m holding the red and white trade paperback version of Lord Foul’s Bane and am wearing the expert jacket. I scratch Moose’s head and say “the thing is, Covenant has been ostracized by the community in which he lives and he’s trying to find some ways to keep himself included, including very minor things like…” and then stop, because Moose isn’t listening. Julie and Heatherly, throughout this, are trying to figure out what I’m doing, and realize as I continue that I appear to be trying to tell Moose about Lord Foul’s Bane. They comment on how sad this is, saying “poor Tadhg—and poor Jenn, she’s filming it” as I say to Moose “you realize that he’s a leper, yes?” (04:21).

The third stop is a gravestone for Adult Gladiator, stating that he died in 2005. Heatherly says “Oh my god, it’s Adult Gladiator! Adult Gladiator’s dead! Noooooooo!” (04:42)

The dream (yes children, it was a dream—or was it?) ends as Heatherly and Julie thrash around in bed, waking at the same time and sitting up (04:45). Julie says “Oh my god, I had the weirdest dream!” Heatherly pulls the ghost’s white underwear from under the covers and says “Oh my god! Or was it?” (04:53). Then they both smeel the underwear deeply. Repeatedly.

They then do the usual spiel, while wearing Santa hats.

###Analysis of Pages

Heatherly starts to recap where they left off, saying that Foamfollower had gone crazy and wanted to attack the Cavewights below them, when Julie interrupts and says that she thinks that it would be a tragedy if they didn’t welcome the holidays with a satisfying glass of Rémy Martin VSOP (05:55). Heatherly says that will go well with a bag of goldfish crackers, which she holds up. “www.fantasybedtimehour.com” is written on the bag.

She says that they prevented Foamfollower from going after the Cavewights, and that they are resuming on page 403. She describes the thousands of Cavewights leaving Mount Thunder. Then she says “Foamfollower!” (06:35), and her voice echoes loudly. (She is reading the line “Foamfollower!” from p403).

She continues by saying that “Lord Mormon” comes up behind Covenant and tells him about the history of where they are—that it was there that Foul revealed his true self to Kevin, there that saw the first open blow of the war that ended in the Ritual of Desecration.

She says that he explains that long before, Kevin was doubting Foul (Heatherly says that she thinks they were friends at the time). She says that Kevin got a funny feeling when he was around him, while on the down low Foul was making despicable plots to screw over the Council of the Lords. She relates how Kevin felt ashamed of his feelings about Foul and tried to override those feelings by trusting him even more (07:26), sending all his friends to the spawning crypts.

She says that when they got to Treacher’s Gorge, they were ambushed and slaughtered (p404) (07:33), kicking off the war.

She continues “so Thomas Covenant asked Mormon ‘Foamfollower!’” (07:42) and her voice echoes loudly again. She says that Covenant wants to know why “Mormon” stopped the Bloodguard, and that “Mormon” replies that Foamfollower is his friend, and that Prothall is not defenceless. When Covenant asks if he could be a Raver, “Mormon” says that Tuvor spoke truly, that this is impossible. She says that Covenant insists that something is hurting Foamfollower, that he thinks that Drool or something will prevent the Giants from going home, to which “Mormon” replies “so do I”. Then she says, again with loud echoing, “Foamfollower!” (p405) (08:20).

She then covers Prothall telling the company that they must enter the catacombs, and that any who wish to leave should do so. Then she says that Foamfollower returns, cannot fit into the catacombs, and will remain outside to guard the entrance.

She reads “The Questers took positions. Prothall, Birinair, and the two Bloodguard followed First mark Tuvor. Then came Mormon, Lilith, Bannor, Covenant, and Korik. Then came Warhaft Quaan, his fourteen warriors, and the last four Bloodguard.” (Except for the names of Mhoram and Lithe, this is a paragraph from p408.) (09:09)

Julie says the Heatherly kept saying “Foamfollower!”, and her first question is “how did you get a reverb on your voice?” (09:30). Heatherly explains that it’s a postproduction effect that they do when they’re editing. Julie accepts this and asks “why did you keep on saying ‘Foamfollower!’ throughout that entire reading?” (09:40). Heatherly replies that Steven R. Donaldson said it in the book, and points out the line on page 405, and says that it has its very own paragraph with an exclamation point and everything (09:53). Jluie asks why Steven R. Donaldson would just write ‘Foamfollower!’ and asks if he does that anywhere else in the book. Heatherly says no, and hypothesizes that Foamfollower, off brooding somewhere, is sending off psychic vibes to keep a high sense of drama or something (10:18). Julie then suggests that perhaps it’s a subliminal message Steven R. Donaldson is putting in so that the readers would buy products, like Rémy Martin, or goldfish crackers. Heatherly says “or chocolate mousse”. Julie says “Or Foam… follower… books.” (10:30)

Covenant sees the cavewights that had angered Foamfollower, and is gravely concerned and upset about what the Giant must be going through. He can’t stand the thought that Foamfollower and his people will be denied their Home by creatures like the Cavewight, but also can’t accept that killing is the only answer (p403).

Mhoram tells Covenant the history of Treacher’s Gorge. Foul was a Lord who Kevin did not trust, but Kevin felt ashamed at this, and when the Lords were invited to the spawning crypts of the ur-viles on a pretext, Kevin didn’t go due to his unease—but his shame at this unease led him to send a number of close friends instead. They were killed by the ur-viles, and then Foul’s armies began to march, starting the war. Kevin fought against Foul, but despaired because he had sent his friends to their doom, and “there was no hope” (p405).

Covenant asks Mhoram if Foamfollower is still laughing, and Mhoram tells him that he is sitting quietly singing. They discuss the altercation between Foamfollower and Prothall, with Covenant asking why Mhoram prevented the Bloodguard from intervening. Mhoram says that Foamfollower is his friend, and also that Prothall was not defenceless, and that Foamfollower could not be a Raver. Covenant says that Foamfollower things that Drool will prevent the Giants from going home, and Mhoram says that he also believes this.

Prothall asks that before they enter the catacombs, any who wish to leave should do so. The Eoman elect to stay with the group, and Lithe says that she will also, while leaving her Cords behind to guard the horses (p407). Foamfollower is too large to fit in the catacombs, and he remains behind to guard the entrance. He reminds the company to remember the Oath of Peace, saying that it is their lifeline against Foul’s ploys. Then the party, twenty-nine strong, head down Treacher’s Gorge (p408).

###Key Misunderstandings

The “Foamfollower!” lines are from Covenant’s thoughts. Covenant is deeploy worried about the Giant.

###Action Sequence

The Fantasy Action Sequence begins at 10:43.

It opens with Foamfollower choking Prothall, then coughing and laughing. This is a scene from the previous episode’s action sequence.

We see Coveant at 11:08, unsure of what to make of Foamfollower and Prothall. He is standing on the edge of a drop, and looks down. When he does, we see the Cavewights Foamfollower wanted to attack—represented by a clip of orcs marching from The Lord of the Rings (11:14). Covenant calls them “ur-viles” and says that Foamfollower is “bad ass” for wanting to kill all of them (11:22).

We then see “Lord Mormon”, who says “Here below us is Treacher’s Gorge, where was struck the first blow that started the open war which ended in the Ritual of Desecration, ten times a hundred years ago (11:38). Then he turns towards the camera and says “which is a thousand years” (11:40).

A flashback scene begins at 11:40, and we see a kind of skull with glowing red eyes. “Mormon” provides the voiceover, saying that before that time, Kevin doubted Lord Foul without knowing why. At 11:46 we see Lord Foul, who is holding Moose and sitting in a room lit only by candles. Foul is saying to Moose “who’s the foulest? Who’s the foulest? You’re the foulest, yes you are” (11:50). “Mormon” continues “For the Despiser had enacted no ill which Kevin could discover” (11:54). Foul tells Moose to go play and puts him on the ground, as “Mormon” says that Kevin showed trust for Foul out of shame for his doubt. As “Mormon” narrates that a message came through Foul’s plotting from the Demondim of Mount Thunder, we see Foul start to compose a letter. Foul, writing, says “Dear Kevin Landwaster, you and your friends are cordially invited to the spawning of the ur-viles. Spawning ensues—no, too much—begins promptly at six p.m., dinner and refreshments follow at eight p.m., ballroom dancing begins at nine-thirty p.m. Black tie event” (12:36).

We then see the letter he has written, which is slightly different. The very top is unreadable, but presumably says “Dear Kevin Landwaster”. The rest reads:

> You are cordially invited to
> the spawning of the Ur-viles. The
> spawning begins promptly at 6:00
> pm. Dinner will be server at 8:00
> pm. Ballroom dancing will begin
> at 9:30 pm. This is an invitation
> only black tie event.
>
> Sincerely,
> Your Nemesis,
>
> Lord Foul the Despiser
>
> P.S. Please R.S.V.P to:
> Lord Foul
> Lord Foul’s Creche
> Mt. Thunder
> The Land

Foul begins to laugh evilly, and between under the “Your Nemesis” line signs “Soul Crusher” while reading the postscript. Then he puts down his pen, folds the letter, and puts it in an envelop as “Mormon” narrates “Clearly, Lord Foul intended for Kevin to go to Mount Thunder. But the High Lord doubted and did not go. And he was ashamed of his doubt, and sent in his stead some of his truest friends and strongest allies. And here, in the roar and spray and ill of Treacher’s Gorge, they were ambushed by ur-viles. They were slaughtered and their bodies sent to the abyss of the mountain. Then marched armies like these out of the catacombs, and the Land was plunged, all unready, into war.” (13:27).

During this narration, we see the envelope Foul is sending the letter in, which has the return address of:

> Lord Foul
> Lord Foul’s Creche
> Mt. Thunder
> The Land

and is addressed to:

> Kevin Landwaster
> Council of the lords
> Revelstone
> The Land

After he seals the envelope, Fouls sits at his desk, apparently listening to music, waving his pen.

The flashback ends at 13:30, and we see “Mormon”, who says “So clearly, Foul meant to kill Kevin, but the Landwaster sent seven of his friends instead. And naturally, they were slaughtered. So Foul release the ur-viles and thus, war began” (13:43). There is a cut to Covenant, and “Mormon” continues “Kevin felt so bad about sending his seven friends into ambush that he began his midnight meetings with despair. Of course, after that, there was no hope” (13:53).

Covenant asks him “why’d you stop the Bloodguard from helping Prothall?” (13:58), to which he replies “Because Foamfollower’s my friend.” Covenant says “But what if he’s a Raver?”, and “Mormon” waves his had and says “No”. Covenant says “But something’s going on with him. He thinks Drool will prevent the Giants from going home.” “Mormon” replies “So do I” (14:16).

There is a “The next day…” intertitle.

We see “Mormon” addressing the group: “Now is the last hour of open sky. Those who will, take this chance to enter the catacombs of Mount Thundar” (14:29). Then we see Prothall, who says “People, we have all heard Lord Mormon. If any of you want to turn back, just say so. Just raise your hand and you can go back. There’s no shame in going back. As a matter of fact, we’ll go back in small groups. I’ll go with you! We’ll all go with you. We’ll come back, whoever wants to come back. Just raise your hand. There is no shame in coming—in going back. Just raise your hand. Any of you. Just raise your hand” (15:09). At that point “Lilith” approaches him and says “Prothall, are you saying that you want to go back?”

He says “What? No. Me? Absolutely not.” “Lilith” then says “Oh, great! Well then, we’ll all go!” Prothall looks away, pained, and says “dammit!” “Lilith” says “onward” and Prothall tries again with “But you shouldn’t! You’re a girl.” (15:26)

“Lilith” says “I’m going to go. I mean, I promised the horses that I was going to go.” Prothall looks defeated and says “Come then. Whatever welcome awaits us in the catacombs, let us be true to the last” (15:43). Then he puts his left fist to his chest, kisses the two first fingers of this left hand, and gestures with them to the group.

We then see the company entering the catacombs. Foamfollower cannot make it through the gap, and says that he will stay outside and guard the entrance. Prothall tells him, “Giant, you have chosen well. If we are not back before the full moon, we are dead. Head home and warn your people.” (16:12)

Foamfollower says “Remember the Oath of Peace. I have been much too quick to hate, and I have become what I abhor” (16:26). “Lord Mormon” says “Don’t be so harsh to yourself. You are Foamfollower, a legume from the Seaweed Giants. No-one can take that away from you.” (16:35). “Mormon” then puts his right fist to his heart and points with his two fingers before climbing into the catacomb entrance. Following him into the catacombs are : Prothall, Tuvor (I think), “Lilith”, Rustah, one of the white Ranyhyn, and Bloodguard “Bob”.

We then see Covenant, looking towards the sun. He turns away and walks into the catacomb entrance (17:35).

The Fantasy Action Sequence ends at 17:36.

###Expert

We see Heatherly holding the expert jacket, saying that she doesn’t know what to do because it’s the expert jacket but the expert is already wearing a jacket, a sexy jacket. Julie says that they should get rid of the expert jacket. Then they both smell it deeply before throwing it off the bed (17:55).

The expert is Lev, who appears on screen at 17:59. He is not wearing the expert jacket. He has read Lord Foul’s Bane one point two times (18:16), and understood it point seven times (18:28).

Heatherly says that he seems to know a lot about numbers and asks if he’s a mathematician. He says no, he’s a biochemist (18:35).

Julie asks how biochemistry relates to Lord Foul’s Bane (18:42). He says that Covenant is a leper, and that leprosy, also known as Hansen’s disease, is caused by an infection of a bacterium. Julie asks if Covenant has worms, and Lev says no, bacterium. He then says that leprosy is a grave condition that is the subject of intense biomedical research, and that’s why he read the novel when he was in seventh grade (19:16).

They ask Lev about why Donaldson gives “Foamfollower!” its own paragraph and why it’s repeated. While attempting to explain that this is a device allowing the reader access to the thoughts of Thomas Covenant, Lev describes the thought as an ejaculation (19:41) of “Foamfollower”, and Julie asks if Covenant wants to see Foamfollower ejaculate. Lev says that’s hot, at which Julie protests that it’s not, and Heatherly asks how much ejaculate that would be since he’s a giant (20:03).

After they’re done with that, Lev reiterates that it’s a literary device by which the reader can see the degree to which Foamfollower is foremost on Covenant’s mind (20:19).

Heatherly then says “so my first question is, why would they let a guy with the name of Kevin Landwaster be the leader? Because with the last name of ‘Landwaster’, wouldn’t you just think that was some foreshadowing? That he might waste the Land?” (20:35) Julie then says “He’s not an elected official, right? Because who the hell would vote for, like, Kevin Landwaster?” (20:39). Lev says that this is a really good question, and then Julie says “George W. Landwaster. George W. the Despiser. Soulcrusher” (20:53).

Lev then says that it’s only as a result of the unfortunate circumstances that caused him to initiate the Ritual of Desecration that he earned the epithet (21:09).

Heatherly asks if the “funny feeling” that Kevin got whenever Foul was around could have been love. Could Kevin actually have been in love with Lord Foul? (21:25) Lev says that despite the strong theme of “manly love” in Lord Foul’s Bane, the icky feeling that Kevin had—but is interrupted and told that it was a funny feeling, and Heatherly says an icky funny feeling, at which point they argue that Donaldson would never have written that, and then Julie points out that he did write about the gaping maw of Mount Thunder gaping for him, then Jenn claims that that was something Heatherly said (Donaldson only used “gaping” once in that sentence). They return to the question of Kevin being in love with Lord Foul, and Lev says no, and Heatherly agrees.

Julie says “so after his friends get slaughtered, he begins his midnight meetings with despair, I was wondering: what is that? Is that like the seven steps, or do they introduce themselves, there at midnight, or something? What are the midnight meetings with despair?” (23:06). Heatherly then asks “and what happens if you miss a meeting? What are the consequences?” (23:08). Lev says “then you have to make up for it, at 2 a.m.” Julie then asks “does he have to apologize to everybody he’s ever wronged—but he can’t, cause they’re dead?” (23:18). Lev doesn’t really have an answer for this.

Julie says that she suspected all along that Prothall didn’t really want to be the leader of the quest, and asks if the speech he gave (giving anyone who wanted to leave the chance to do so) is his ways of trying to get out of it (23:47). Lev says he was also wondering about that, but doesn’t give a definitive answer.

Julie then asks if Foamfollower doesn’t fit in the catacombs, and Lev says right, Foamfollower has to hang out on the cliffs because he’s too big. Julie says “well, what the hell is he going to do there?” (24:09). Lev replies that he’s going to hang out and stand guard.

Julie asks if he’s a Raver or not, and Lev says that that’s a big question in the work, that there’s a lot of discussion about that, because they couldn’t be Ravers because they just don’t have the rhythm (24:31).

Julie asks why the exact order in which they enter the cave is so important (25:00). Heatherly asks him if the remembers the exact order, and he says he doesn’t. Julie grabs a book and suggests doing a test on Lev to see how much of an expert he is (25:26), and asks him what he thinks the exact order was. He reads from the book what the order is until Heatherly notices him reading over Julie’s shoulder (25:48). He then says that the formal tone, the epic nature of the progress of the quest at this point emphasizes the serious, almost climactic nature of what is to come, and the almost poetic nature of the order of entrants is significant in that you know some kind of bad shit’s gonna happen to them in there (26:21).

(They skip chart-writing.)

The “post-coital” segment starts at 26:22.

Heatherly’s favorite part was when they got to the catacombs and finally got to go in (26:54).

Lev’s favorite part was “right at the end, when we got to go into the cave” (27:18).

Julie’s favorite part was the flashback to Lord Foul’s invitation to Kevin Landwaster (27:30).

The end credits include out-takes of Lord Foul’s phone ringing during filming, and Lord Foul doing an advertisement-style endorsement of Rémy Martin as the only drink foul enough for him.

###Words Defined
None.

###Firsts
First appearance of Moose in an action sequence, 11:46

Tags: annotated-fantasy-bedtime-hour, criticism, fantasy-bedtime-hour, television, writing

AFBH 29: Pages 396-403

Tadhg — Mon, 30 Oct 2006 01:43:45 +0000

Episode 29. Foamfollower gone wild!

Foamfollower loses it, and an Australian expert.
http://fantasybedtimehour.com/episodes/EP29.php

###Pages 396-403.
Starts with “There, deep in the hulky chest of the mountain” (p396), ends with “a low chuckle like the glee of hysteria.” (p403)

###Expert
Adam

###Intro/Beginning

The episode begins with Heatherly crying. Julie asks her what’s wrong (01:58). Heatherly is upset because her favorite lipstick, which she’s been using since Episode 1, is gone. Julie tells her not to worry, that in a world of magic, anything is possible, and then starts taking things out of Heatherly’s cleavage. The first thing is a light bulb, (02:19), followed by Poe, an African Grey parrot (02:32), a bunch of scarves tied together (02:42). At the end of the scarves is Heatherly’s lipstick (02:45).

Julie then begins the usual spiel, but is speaking oddly (in a faux-”Ebonics” style?) and is subtitled through the whole thing.

###Analysis of Pages

Heatherly starts by saying that the questers are still questing (03:42), and they pick it up at page 396. She reads the desciption of the quest’s goal being in the heart of Kiril Threndor. She says that everyone rested and ate, except for Foamfollower, who she sys sings a song about not having a home anymore.

She says that in the distance they hear war drums (04:25), and says “and then, there are many more paragraphs to describe how gnarly and treacherous the terrain is” (04:32).

She says that “Mormon” invites Covenant to hike up a gully, and that they go together and get a great view of Andelain (04:47). She says that Covenant says to “Mormon” that he brought him up there just so he could see that it was something worth fighting for and that “Mormon” wants something from him, a declaration of alliance before he has to face Drool (p399) (05:05). She says that “Mormon” agrees that this is the case, tells Covenant to look around, and says that Foul has no place in the Land, and that Covenant says that he’s made his peace and will not do any more killing. She describes “Mormon’s” reaction as “okay man, that’s cool, that’s cool” (05:30) and says that they rejoin the others and move on.

She says that Covenant “starts doing some reflecting” and thinks about the Wraiths of Andelain, the battle at Soaring Woodhelven, Llaura and Pietten and “Atrium”, the Unfettered One, Lena, “Tuvok”, and says that at some point “he could see the maw of Mount Thundar gaping for him” (p401) (05:59).

She continues with a description of how the company is surprised by nearby Cavewights and of Foamfollower’s enraged desire to attack them. She says that Prothall confronts him, asking “do you rave?” (p402) (06:37) and says that Foamfollower “totally loses his shit” at this (06:40), “bumrushing Prothall” and slamming him up against the side of the mountain (06:44).

She says that the Bloodguard are about to help Prothall, but “Mormon” tells them to stop, and that when Foamfollower hears someone else ask about the possibility of a Giant Raver, he breaks into convulsions of coughing and puts Prothall down, and that his coughing starts to turn into a low chuckle like the glee of hysteria (p403).

Julie says that it was really freaky how Foamfollower just went berserk for a little bit (07:35). Heatherly asks what Julie thinks got into him, and Julie suggests that it might have been asthma, because the only things that stopped him was that fit of coughing and laughter (07:46). She then asks if he thinks that asthma is funny, and they then state that asthma is not funny. Heatherly asks why Steven R. Donaldson would make fun of people with asthma.

Heatherly asks why “Mormon” singled out Covenant to go on a walk, and wonders if he’s hitting on Covenant (08:13). Julie says that he wanted to find out where Covenant’s loyalty was because they’re not really sure (08:23). She says that Covenant, when asked what he’s going to do when the shit hits the fan, says that he’s not going to fight, and that this sucks for the Lords. She then asks what he’s even there for, if he’s not going to fight or do anything (08:56).

In sight of Mount Thunder, the morale of the party improves, except for that of Foamfollower. He is aloof and seems melancholy, singing a song about being Unhomed (p397).

It is clear that Prothall is very tired from having gotten through the storm, and is feeling his age.

When the company camps on the mountain, Mhoram asks Covenant to accompany him further up the slope, and shows him the view (p399). Covenant is cynical, saying that Mhoram brought him up there to convince him that the Land is worth fighting for, and says “You want something from me—some declaration of allegiance. Before you have to face Drool” (p399). Mhoram agrees, but says that the Land itself is asking for Covenant’s allegiance, and that Foul has no place there. Covenant, still thinking about the Cavewights that he killed, in unmoved by this and says that he’s already decided, and that he’s not going to do any more killing (p400). Mhoram lets the matter go, making a reference to Kevin Landwaster that Covenant cannot fully decipher.

After the party continues its climb, they see Cavewights below them, and Foamfollower is enraged and wants to throw himself down upon them. Prothall confronts him and demands to know if he raves, at which Foamfollower gets even more angry, grabbing Prothall and holding him up against the mountainside. He demands to know if Prothall is accusing him. Mhoram stops the Bloodguard from aiding Prothall, presumably because he thinks that Prothall can handle the situations and also to prevent actual infighting in the group. Prothall asks Foamfollower again if he raves, and Foamfollower looks at him with murderous intent. At that point Tuvor says “A Raver? In one of the Seareach Giants? Impossble” (p402). This seems to get through to Foamfollower, and he lowers Prothall and starts coughing, coughing that becomes a semi-hysterical chuckling (p403).

###Key Misunderstandings

Foamfollower is not asthmatic.

###Action Sequence

The Fantasy Action Sequence begins at 09:26.

It opens with the company standing underneath a cliff. Prothall leads them along a mountain path, and then “Mormon” does the same. After more walking, we see the following scrolling text (10:19):

> pg. 398
>
> “The Questers heard
> a low rumble. Like
> the march of drums…
>
> It was the beat of
> mustering war.”

Accompanying this we hear a high-pitched video-game/electronica beat. Prothall and “Mormon” react to this (10:250 and look around. “Bloodguard Bob” says “that’s the ur-vile drum circle” (10:30).

“Mormon” asks for a word with Covenant (10:36) and they wander away from the rest of the company. “Mormon” says “Here is the Land. Andelain around us. The dark catacombs beneath us. The battlefields behind us. Mount Thundar above us. The skies above Mount Thundar. The grass beneath our feet. This little pebble over here. You to my left! Me, to your right!” (11:14) Covenant says “what?” and “Mormon” continues, “here is the heart of the Land” and stares intently at Covenant, who stares back until finally saying “so you want something from me. You want me to prove my loyalty before I face Drool” (11:45). “Mormon” replies “well, yeah! But not just me, it is the Land that needs your loyalty. Look, listen. Those drums aren’t natural. They’re the heartbeat of the Despiser” (11:58). He spits, then continues “The Despiser does not belong here. He belongs in Lord Foul’s Creche… wherever that is.”

Covenant says that he won’t kill anymore, that he’s made his peace, that he won’t do any more killing, that they won’t get that from me. Then he adds “fuck you” (12:19). “Mormon” says “peace? Well excuuuuuse me! Some Lords in times of trouble act strangely. Now think about that!” (12:28) and walks away.

Covenant says “whatever” (12:34).

After some more walking, Covenant has a flashback (12:55). (The “drum beat”, having continued until this point, stops for the flashback.)

Covenant’s flashback is of Lena from Episode 6 (subtitled as “Hot Teenage Girl”), the Wraiths (subtitled as “Wraiths of Andelain”, “Atrium” (subtitled as “Atrium”), the ur-viles (subtitled as “Urviles”), the Unfettered One (subtitled as “The Unfettered One”), Foamfollower (subtitled as “Foam Follower”), “Atrium” stabbing the ground (subtitled as “Atrium again…”), the Bloodguard “Bob” and Bannor (subtitled as “Blood Guard”), and the “Ranynyn” (subtitled as “The Ranynin”). The flashback ends at 13:44, and we see Covenant looking thoughtful. The “drum beat” starts again and we see Foamfollower, who lets out a shout at 13:56 and start yelling about how he can’t go home (14:01). Bannor tries to calm him down and he throws him off. Prothall rushes up to him, tells him to get a hold of himself, and asks him if he raves, at which point Foamfollower grabs him by the throat and shouts “Fee fi fo fum! Do you accuse me of raving?” (14:18). Bloodguard “Bob” says “Prothall’s in trouble” and rushes towards them, but “Mormon” stops him and says “Prothall’s a big boy now. I’m sure he can handle this by himself, huh Prothall?” (14:26). As he says this, we see Foamfollower choking Prothall and forcing him to the ground. Prothall again asks Foamfollower “do you rave?” (14:35). Foamfollower pauses for a moment to consider this, and then resumes choking him. Bloodguard “Bob” says “A Raver? In one of the Seaweed Giants? Impossible!” (14:48) and Foamfollower then releases Prothall, starts coughing and laughing, and falls to the ground, where he rolls around and continues to laugh”

After a fade to black, we hear Julie say “oh my god, Heatherly, those ur-vile drums of war are so annoying” (15:27) (The “war drums” stop at 15:26, while she is saying this). Heatherly says “I know, what did they do, use a Casio or something? Jesus”

The Fantasy Action Sequence ends at 15:31

###Expert

Heatherly says that their next expert came all the way from Australia just to be on the show (15:38), and Julie says that he’s a phycisist too.

The expert is Adam, who appears on screen at 15:47. He is wearing the expert jacket. He has brought them presents of a bottle of wine from Western Austrailia and a pack of Tim-Tams. Julie asks what the attraction of Lord Foul’s Bane for phycisists is, and he says that it’s that Lord Foul’s Bane makes no sense, and neither does physics (16:20).

He has read Lord Foul’s Bane twice (16:38). He says he doesn’t think he has understood it (16:45).

Julie asks if he thinks you can apply the laws of physics to Lord Foul’s Bane (17:06). He says no, and that one of their past “experts” failed miserably in trying to do that. He then says that Ted, the expert from Episode 12, was wrong about the “Maxwell’s Equation” that he presented.

Heatherly wants to know what it means that Covenant felt that the gaping maw of Mount Thunder was gaping for him. Julie says “the gaping maw was gaping for him? That’s some poor writing” (17:57) (In fact, the word ‘gaping’ is not repeated in that sentence in the text.) Adam says that the maw is the mouth of the mountain, and that it’s reaching out to swallow Covenant up. This leads to confusion over whether the mountain is alive or not. Adam says it’s not, because it’s not a living being, but it’s alive because “it’s ticking away”. He also says there’s a party going on inside the mountain.

Julie asks him about Lord Foul’s Creche, and about what a creche is, because she thought it was daycare (19:08). Heatherly says that she thought that a creche was one of those big yellow wolves (meaning kresh). Adam doesn’t really answer their question, and the three of them remain uncertain what it is, Heatherly saying it’s like Foul’s apartment, and Adam saying that perhaps he takes care of a lot of children.

Julie then asks why it’s bad to be an ur-vile or Cavewight, and says that they can’t help what they’re born as. Adam says that there are no good ur-viles (20:20). Julie asks what makes them bad, and Adam says they’re just born bad. Julie asks if people are born good or bad, and Adam says “if you believe George Bush, yeah” (20:30).

In reference to Foamfollower’s altercation with Prothall, Heatherly asks “What’s a Raver?” (20:57). Adam says “a Raver is an evil being that can possess people, much like someone who’s gone a bit crazy and taken too much drugs” (21:06). He then says that they can’t possess Giants.

Julie asks why “Mormon” didn’t let others intervene when Foamfollower was holding Prothall against the wall. Adam says “because he’s a pacifist” (21:18). He further says that sometimes reacting aggressively to a situation like that makes it worse. Julie then asks Heatherly “if Cameraman Jenn was throttling me, would you allow Adult Gladiator to stop her?” (21:53). Heatherly says “Yeah, I might give it a minute or two, just to see what happens, but—I mean, I would totally allow—″ at which point Julie expresses dismay at her position. She says that Heatherly just wants her position on the left side of the bed.

Heatherly wants to know who would win in a fight between the Bloodguard and Foamfollower (22:27). Julie says Foamfollower would win, becaus Adam just said that he could kill like a thousand ur-viles with that set of luggage alone (22:37) (she is evidently referring to a part of the show that got cut). Heatherly agrees that Foamfollower could just pick up the Bloodguard and smash them together. Then then ask why Steven R. Donaldson didn’t just have the quest throw Foamfollower down at the opposing forces so that he could kill them all.

Julie asks Adam “how much despair does it take to waste the Land, and do you have an equation for that?” (23:11) He says that it takes an enormous amount of despair, but since you can’t quantify the amount of despair, you can’t write an equation for it. They’re not entirely convinced by this, and ask him questions about whether you could adapt other equations to it, and about what the speed of despair is.

Chart-writing begins at 24:08 on the topic of “what do you think Lord Foul’s Creche looked like?”

Chart-writing ends at 24:41.

Julie’s chart (24:50) shows Lord Foul as a Satan-like figure who is acting maternally to Cavewights and ur-viles, holding a baby and baby-talking to it, with a griffin in the background and a teddy bear holding balloons on the left.

Heatherly’s chart (25:13) shows a “70s bachelor pad”, featuring an atrium with an elaborate coatrack and a wall-sized fish tank just past the entrance, and a “luv lounge” with a dance floor (including disco ball) and a couch and a fireplace. It also features a round bed, a hot tub in the bedroom, a kitchen and a library.

Adam’s chart (25:43) is similar to Heatherly, and he says that “Foul’s Creche” is a metaphor for Foul’s crib (Adam does not appear to be intentionally making an ironic statement regarding the similar child-rearing themes of the original meanings of the two words). Adam’s chart shows a living room with gigantic speakers, a disco ball, and other “pimp-style” acoutrements.

The “post-coital” segment begins at 26:19.

Heatherly’s favorite part was Foamfollower going nuts and pinning Prothall up against the rocks (26:45).

Julie’s favorite part was “Mormon” prevented the Bloodguard from intervening between Foamfollower and Prothall (26:57).

Adam’s favorite part was when Foamfollower snapped (27:11).

The end credits include out-takes of Foamfollower trying to read from Stud-Ranch Slave but not being able to keep from laughing.

After the credits, there is an out-take from the “post-coital” segment of Julie saying “That was some, uh, Australian-type reading of Fantasy Bedtime… I can’t think of what that was like” and Heatherly saying that she has one.

###Words Defined
Creche: A place where children are taken care of. Can also refer to a model of the crib of the baby Jesus and its surroundings. In the text, it appears to refer to where Foul retreats to recover, and where he raises or creates his armies.

###Firsts
No significant firsts in this episode?

Tags: annotated-fantasy-bedtime-hour, criticism, fantasy-bedtime-hour, television, writing

AFBH 28: Pages 390-396

Tadhg — Sun, 29 Oct 2006 06:57:15 +0000

Episode 28. Gay stories.

Foamfollower’s camp stories, and a geography lesson.
http://fantasybedtimehour.com/episodes/EP28.php

###Pages 390-396.
Starts with “They crossed the Plains northward” (p390), ends with “Covenant sought release from the impossibility of his dreams”. (p396)

###Expert

###Intro/Beginning

The episode begins with Julie holding her alarm clock. Heatherly is sleeping. The alarm clock goes off (02:00) and Julie drops it, and Heatherly wakes up, startled. Julie tells Heatherly that it’s her birthday, and produces two glasses. They wish Julie Happy Birthday, and drink, and then Heatherly tells her that they got her some presents. Julie reads the card, which says “Happy Birthday Julie, Love Cameraman Jenn. P.S. You are my favorite” (02:52). Heatherly looks nonplussed at this. Julie opens her present (02:57), which is a hardcover edition of Lord Foul’s Bane. Julie asks “is this the Bible”, and Cameraman Jenn replies “pretty much” (03:06). Julie looks at the inscription, which reads “To Julie, parodist extraordinaire and heartbreaker to millions—Steven R Donaldson” (03:27). Julie says that’s amazing, and then asks “what’s a parodist?” (03:38).

We then see Julie in a kind of Hindu praying pose, with her palms together pointing upwards in front of her chest. Another pair of arms emerging from behind her hold a copy of Lord Foul’s Bane (red/white trade paperback edition) in the left hand and a can of beer in the right hand. While making ritualistic gestures and affecting an Indian accent, Julie introduces the episode with the usual spiel. At the end of the spiel, the extra pair of hands grab Julie’s breasts, at which she protests and turns around, revealing that the extra pair of hands do shockingly belong to Heatherly (04:09).

###Analysis of Pages

Heatherly starts by saying that they last left the questers when they had “ditched Pietten” and were ready to go on the quest (04:26).

She says that they croos the Plains without incident, and Foamfollower told gay tales (04:34).

After skimming over the route of the company, Heatherly reads four lines of their song about Berek Halfhand (05:21) and then says that they set up camp.

Heatherly then describes the change in the weather they encounter, saying “there was lightning, and thunder, and lots of metaphors to describe the lightning and thunder” (05:53). She says that they went on for two days, and that “Mormon” tries to shout through the storm that Drool is responsible for it.

She continues by describing their exit from the storm and their sighting of Mount Thunder, where they pause to consider it, and where “Covenant sought release from the impossibility of his dreams” (p396), which is where Heatherly ends the reading.

Julie asks which direction the quest are facing (07:03), and Heatherly says she isn’t sure. They talk about how the quest might have gotten turned around, and Julie asks who’s in charge of it. Heatherly says that she thinks it’s supposed to be Prothall, but that she has a theory that it’s actually “Mormon” (07:37). Julie asks if that means that he’s like Dick Cheney, and Heatherly says yes, something like that.

The company depart from Manhome, and the Ramen wish them well, and especially wish them well in killing Fanthane (their term for Lord Foul)—which is not the point of their quest (p390).

As they travel, Mhoram tells some of the history of the surrounding area to Covenant, specifically covering their surroundings and the area around Foul’s Creche, where many times Foul’s opponents would seek to keep his forces cooped up below them at Landsdrop. Apparently in every previous battle, Foul won through due to the number of different paths up, and from Mhoram’s description it appears that Foul tended to have a significant numerical advantage (p391). In the last war, prior to the Desecration, Foul broke through again and then forced the Lords into a final battle at Trothgard (p392).

The company sing a song of Berek to comfort themselves in the presence of so much bad history, and they make camp on Landsdrop. After they leave the next morning, Mhoram tells Covenant of myhts that claim that the cliff at Landsrop was formed by the earth heaving at the banes under Mount Thunder. He also tells him that the breach between the upper and lower Land stretches for at least five hundred leagues north (p393).

A few hours later, they are assaulted by a terrible storm, one that seems to follow them. Mhoram shouts to Covenant that the storm was the doing of Drool Rockworm, and that Drool has made a mistake and has sent out a force, which augurs well for the company (p395).

After they get through the storm, they come within sight of Mount Thunder (p396).

###Key Misunderstandings

The company is not lost, or turned around, or unsure about what direction they should be going.

Prothall is leading the quest, and is not a puppet for Mhoram.

###Action Sequence

The Fantasy Action Sequence begins at 07:51.

It opens with a compass. We see “Lord Mormon” holding it, and trying to lead the company according to what the compass tells him. The company follows him, changing direction quite a few times in a frenetic “wandering” sequence. This ends at 08:36.

“Mormon” announces that they’re going to set up camp. The brown and orange “Ranyhyn” jumps up and down cheering, and the rest of the party turn around and stare (08:49).

While they’re sitting in camp, Covenant complains that he’s bored (08:57). Foamfollower suggests a story, at which the rest of the group cheer.

Foamfollower reads from Stud-Ranch Slave, described on its back cover as being part of the “Manhard Series” (09:08). As Foamfollower reads, Covenant looks disturbed, as does “Mormon”, and apparently the rest of the company. Oblivious to these reactions, Foamfollower reads with great enthusiasm.

“Mormon” interrupts him (10:36), saying “Foamfollower, thank you for your gay stories, we all appreciate it. Bloodguard Bob, how about some music?” (10:44). “Bloodguard Bob” picks up a guitar and says “this one goes out to the poor folks at Flaming Woodhelven” (10:50), and proceeds to sing.

He sings a slightly adapted version of the song of Berek from p392, and the rest of the company echo his words. The song ends at 11:32 and we see the following scrolling text:

> pg. 393 [the passage is actually on page 392] (11:39):
>
> “The atmosphere
> of the region
> agitated Foamfollower.
>
> …he talked
> incessantly with
> a constant stream
> of stories…
>
> At first, his
> efforts pleased
> the riders…”

After this, we see Foamfollower talking to Covenant as they walk about a very small man he knew in college. At 12:06 is a “3 hours later…” intertitle, after which Foamfollower is saying ‘blah blah blah and the problem is” and is apparently talking about pets. There is a “6 hours later…” intertitle (12:42), after which Foamfollower is talking about the composition of his tunic.

Covenant asks “Mormon” to tell him about the great cliff (13:14) and “Mormon” does so. His speech, concerning the origins of Landsdrop, is cut so that there is some repetition in it, but it retains the basic idea that the breah between the upper and lower Land is due to the banes underneath Mount Thunder.

We see the following scrolling text (14:11):

> pg. 394
>
> “Before noon
> the weather changed…
>
> preternatural
> associations…
>
> Then rain struck…
> like a paroxysm
> of rage.”

This is followed by “Lord Mormon” being rained on and trying to get across that Drool has sent the storm and that in fact it’s good news for the quest, and ends with “Behold, Mount Thunder!” (14:38).

The Fantasy Action Sequence ends at 14:42

###Expert

After the action sequence, Heatherly asks Julie why their glasses are empty. Julie claps her hands and says “Cameraman Jenn? Glasses” (14:51), but Cameraman Jenn is uncooperative.

The expert is Douglas, who appears on screen at 14:59. He is wearing the expert jacket. He is a physicist (15:19). Julie asks why he thinks this is, and he suggests that it’s just the fantasy aspect (15:33).

He has read Lord Foul’s Bane four or five times (15:41). He says that he probably understood it four or five times (15:50).

He brought gifts, the first being a bottle of wine that he gives to Heatherly (16:12). He also brought chocolate (16:23).

Heatherly asks why the chapter is called “Treacher’s Gorge” (17:13). He says that a gorge is a mouth-like opening, and that Treacher’s Gorge is the opening into Mount Thunder.

Julie asks how they know that Drool is in the catacombs. Douglas replies that that’s where Foul told them to find him.

Julie asks how Drool got both the Staff of Law and the Illearth Stone (18:13), and Douglas says that Foul guided him. When Julie asks why Fould would do this, Douglas says that Foul can’t use the Staff of Law himself.

Julie asks if Lord Foul, being evil, would want Drool to rule the Earth. Douglas says no, that Fould is servous that Drool might gain too much power with both Staff and Stone. Julie asks why Foul told him where to get them, if he fears Drool’s power, and Douglas says that Foul then encourages the Lords to take the Staff away. Julie asks why he didn’t just tell the Lords where the Staff was, and Douglas says that’s a good question (19:17).

Heatherly asks what kind of gay stories Foamfollower was telling (19:40). Douglas says he isn’t sure, and that he wonders why Foamfollower always leaves home, and wonders where the other Giants are.

Julie asks what it means for Covennt to hope for the impossibility of his dreams, mangling the line “Covenant sought release from the impossibility of his dreams” (p396). Douglas says that Covenant is hoping that he can go once they find the Staff of Law.

Heatherly wants to know why “Mormon can’t speak in complete sentences” during the storm (20:40). Douglas points out that the suggestion there is that the storm is so loud that he couldn’t be heard.

Heatherly asks which direction the company are heading now (21:09). Douglas say that they headed north, then east, the north again, which impresses Julie a great deal. She asks what “Drool would crouch like a bane in the Catacombs” means. Douglas says that a bane is a concentrated source of evil that was put in the Land by Lord Foul during the formation of the Land.

Chart-writing begins at 22:02 on the topic of “Map out the route the questers have taken so far.”

(Douglas draws with his left hand.)

Chart-writing ends at 22:36.

Julie’s chart (22:48) shows the quest starting at “Pac Bell”, meeting the man in the ochre robe, falling into the “precipice of his future”, meets Lord Foul, crawls on to Kevin’s watch, ends up with the Stonedownors, goes to Flaming Woodhelven, goes to the Council of the Lords, then to Manhome, and then to some Gorge, which is represented as a grinning mouth with teeth..

Heatherly’s chart (23:20) shows a sequence of Covenant’s home, downtown, Kevin’s Watch, the Stowndownors, Flaming Woodhelven, the Mithil River, a dead Waynhim, the Council of the Lords, the Ramen, and Mount Thunder.

Douglas point out that their topic is on quest, not Covenant. His chart (24:04) shows Revelstone, Flaming Woodhelven, Andelain, Manhome and the Plains of Ra, and Mount Thunder. And a red moon.. His chart has a “now here” X on it.

The “post-coital” segment begins at 25:52. Dougls has let his hair down.

Heatherly’s favorite part was Covenant refusing to go anywhere near the edge (presumably meaning Landsdrop) (26:29).

Julie’s favorite part was “when Drool was crouching like a bane in the catacombs” (26:37).

Douglas’ favorite part was the first view of Mount Thunder (26:46).

The end credits include out-takes of Foamfollower trying to read from Stud-Ranch Slave but not being able to keep from laughing.

After the credits, there is a still shot of a statue, with the words “Fantasy Bedtime Hour Productions” to the left of the statue, with a voiceover of Heatherly saying “Oh my god!” and Julie saying “I know! That’s hot!”. The statue is from Powerscourt Gardens in Enniskerry, County Wicklow, Ireland.

###Words Defined
Bane: Something that ruins or destroys, usually with poisonous or ill-fated overtones. Douglas describes it as “concentrated evil”.

###Firsts
First appearance of Stud-Ranch Slave, 09:08

Tags: annotated-fantasy-bedtime-hour, criticism, fantasy-bedtime-hour, television, writing

AFBH 27: Pages 382-389

Tadhg — Sat, 28 Oct 2006 06:46:24 +0000

Episode 27. A special guest star.

The company prepares to leave Manhome, and a distinguished expert.
http://fantasybedtimehour.com/episodes/EP27.php

###Pages 382-389.
Starts with “The dispute ended shortly” (approximately) (p382), ends with “their desire to see in him a new Berek had been vindicated,” (p389).

###Expert
“Higgins O’Higgins”

###Intro/Beginning

Julie starts to give the usual intro, and Heatherly tells her that since they’ve got so much to cover, she needs to step it up (02:02). So Julie does it really quickly.

###Analysis of Pages

Heatherly starts out by saying that we left “Mormon and Lilith” arguing with each other, and that it turns out that she wants to be Covenant’s servant, and wins the argument with “Mormon”, so she goes over to Covenant only to have him react by saying he doesn’t want a servant (02:47).

Heatherly says that Covenant feels trapped because he can’t see a way to stop “Lilith” from humiliating herself (02:53), but that he manages to explain that he’s not used to such things and her homage makes him uneasy—and also that he asks them to give Llaura and Pietten a home (03:15).

She relates Mhoram’s explanation to Covenant of why the group came to the Plains of Ra at all, that they were expecting Drool to send out an army, and they wanted to arrive after that army had left (03:35).

She says that then Foamfollower and Covenant get into a really long conversation about hope. She says that Foamfollower tells Covenant that he holds the fate of the Land in his hands while Soulcrusher moves against the Lords, and Covenant replies “Giant, you talk too much” (p387) (03:54).

She says that Covenant then encounters Llaura and Pietten, and that Llaura asks why he requested that the Ramen make a home for them there. Heatherly says that Covenant says he thinks Llaura should take care of Pietten there, and then it’s time for the group to leave (04:27) and that they’re all cheerful—except for Covenant, who feels that the others are happy partly because their desire to see in him the new Berek had been vindicated (p389) (04:45).

When they start to discuss the pages, Heatherly has “DUDE” written on her chest, and Julie has “SWEET” written on hers (04:57).

Heatherly says that it’s really weird that Covenant is suddenly nice to “Lilith”— and then they start do talk about how awkward it is to deal with people who just go on and on without any idea that they’ve humiliated themselves, especially when it’s clear that they don’t know what they’re talking about and simply continue humiliating themselves, and they invest a lot of time and effort into it, and elaborate on things they have no business elaborating on… before finally saying “poor Lilith” (05:36). (The whole segment appears to be a reference to themselves, and possibly to critics of Fantasy Bedtime Hour who don’t realize that their displays of ignorance are entirely deliberate.)

Lithe is uninterested in Mhoram’s objections, and prostrates herself in front of Covenant. Covenant, of course, is completely uncomfortable wtih the idea of having anyone serve him, and is pained because he doesn’t know how to reject Lithe without humiliating her. But he comes up with telling her that he is just a little man in his own world, and that he is unused to homage and it makes it uneasy (p382). Lithe is disbelieving about his status in his own world, but accepts that he will simply request help if he needs it. He asks that Llaura and Pietten be given a home, and it turns out that Foamfollower already asked, and the Ramen have agreed (p383).

Before making preparations to leave, Covenant asks Mhoram why they came to the Plains of Ra. Mhoram replies that it was a tactical decision, that they hoped Drool would send out an army, and that they wanted to arrive after that. But Covenant is convinced there is more to it, and tries to find out from Mhoram what that is. Mhoram admits that while planning, he saw that this course of action would turn out wel. Covenant want to know what this oracular vision revealed, but Mhoram doesn’t want to tell him, and Covenent doesn’t press the issue, and lets it go (p384).

Seeing this, Foamfollower comments to him a there might be hope for Covenant yet. Covenant’s response is to say that there would always be hope for him if he were as big and strong as Foamfollower. This kicks off a discussion about the nature of hope. Foamfollower contends that strength has nothing to do with hope, that it doesn’t have to do with power, especially because there is no power over death, and so with no domain over death, power would be a poor place to put your hope (p385). Covenant asks him where hope comes from, and Foamfollower’s reply is “faith”, which Covenant dismisses as too short a word, and asks him what he means. Foamfollower says that the Lords are an example of hope, and that the Oath of Peace is an Oath to never give in to despair. He also tells Covenant that Covenant holds the fate of the Land in his hands, which Covenant says is false, a trick of Foul’s. Foamfollower tries to reduce the burden on Covenant by saying that no-one can see how things will turn out, and that it’s possible that Foamfollower and Covenant will not encounter further hardship. At this point Covenant tells him that he talks too much (p387).

Covenant encounters Llaura, who wants to know why he has asked the Ramen to provide a home for her and Pietten. He replies that it makes no sense for her to try to attck Foul, that the Lords will deal with that, and that she should concentrate on helping Pietten. She seems to think that Pietten might already be beyond help, and Covenant’s only answer is that Pietten likes the Ranyhyn and that she should try them (p388).

As the company prepares to leave Manhome, they are in good spirits except for Covenant, who distrusts their reasons, thinking that many of them feel vindicated in considering him like Berek due to the Ranyhyn’s treatment of him (p389).

###Key Misunderstandings

Covenant is not trying to dump PIetten and Laura off on the Ramen, but rather believes that staying with them will be the best thing, since Pietten is positively affected by the horses.

###Action Sequence

The Fantasy Action Sequence begins at 05:44.

It opens with “Lord Mormon” and “Lilith” arguing. They’re arguing over whether “Lilith” should serve Covenant, which she thinks is a good idea, and she decides to do it despite the protests of “Lord Mormon”.

“Lilith” goes over to Covenant and prostrates herself on the ground, saying “I am your servant. You are Ringthang. I am here to serve you” (06:22). Covenant tells her “you’re sweet and all, but this is really not cool”. She tells him to ask if he needs anything at all, just ask, as long as it doesn’t involve touching the “Ranynyn”.

Covenant asks them to give Llaura and Pietten a home (06:53). “Lilith” agrees, as long as they don’t touch the “Ranynyn”.

Covenant asks “Mormon” why the group came to Manhome, and “Mormon” replies that, well, he did get a “Ranynyn”, and also that he saw in prophecy that this way they could avoid the army that Drool was sending out, because if they met it would be “awkward” (07:33).

A moment later, Foamfollower approaches “Lord Mormon” and asks to talk to Covenant. Foamfollower is carrying flowers. “Mormon” agrees and leaves, at which point Foamfollower asks if Covenant believes that hope is the child of strength (07:57). Covenant replies that hope comes from power (08:12). “Raw, unadulterated, wet, sweaty, leather-clad power” (08:17). Foamfollower asks him what use power is if it doesn’t have power over death, and Covenant replies “that’s a hand-job, giant”. Foamfollower then berates him, yelling that he has the power to save or damn the Land—and then starts laughing. Covenant reminds him that he’s a leper and that it’s all some kind of mistake, and Foamfollower tells him to mellow out, that the Lords have some surprises for Soulcrusher. He then explains that Soulcrusher is Lord Foul, and Covenant tells him that he talks too much (09:16) goes away to shave.

He is interrupted while shaving by Bannor and Pietten. Bannor says that Pietten needs help, since he stays awake at night and relishes the taste of blood (09:44)—to which Covenant says “don’t we all?”. Bannor says that Pietten is treachery concealed in a child’s form, and Covenant asks him if he’s being a tad bit dramatic (09:54). Pietten then says “redrum” in the middle of another sentence, and Covenant looks worried. Covenant then suggests taking Pietten to the “Ranynyn”.

We then see Prothall rounding up the company to leave. Covenant looks disturbed by this.

The Fantasy Action Sequence ends at 10:21.

###Expert

Heatherly asks if the expert for the show is me, because he looks like me. Julie says he isn’t me, and we then see the expert for the show (10:30). He is wearing the expert jacket, and a blond wig. Text on the screen introduces him as “Higgins O’Higgins” (10:31), and Julie says “Oh my god, Heatherly, I think that’s Tadhg’s father!” (10:33).

“Higgins O’Higgins” then gets into bed with them. Julie comments that she thinks they’ve almost had my entire family on the show (10:49).

“Higgins” has read Lord Foul’s Bane “too many times to count, but let’s pretend it’s ten” (11:04). In response to the “how many times did you understand it” question, he says “understanding is such a complicated concept. There’s literal comprehension, in which you could say this character walked over to that side of the room and he performed this action and he left the room. And then there’s more spritiual understanding, in which you feel that you really know what it all means (11:39). Julie prompts him for a number, and he says that he probably never understood it (11:43).

Heatherly asks if I was always so arrogant when I was growing up (11:51). He replies “oh, no, this is definitely a somatoform overcompensation reaction. He does this to make up for his deep-seated feelings of being older than his brother” (12:02).

Heatherly wants to know what it meant that “Mormon and Lilith were fighting like earth and sky”. “Higgins” is confused as to who these characters are (understandably, since no characters named this are in the book). They try to get him to concentrate on the other aspects of their question, but he can’t get over the names. He corrects them on Lithe (12:38). Heatherly then pronounces her name correctly and asks the same question, asking if it means that earth and sky are pissed off at each other, and “Higgins” replies that no, it means that they’re taking diametrically opposed attitudes, they are completely different things (12:57). He also points out that while you can easily tell the difference between earth and sky, they form one organic whole, and so complement and reinforce each other. Julie asks if earth and sky fight all the time, and “Higgins” says “unless they’ve had therapy” (13:26). Julie then asks if their therapy would be like rain. “Higgins” says “I wish that Steven R. Donaldson had thought of that” (13:42).

They ask him why “Mormon” let “Lilith” win the argument, and he says because he’s a gentleman and she’s tougher than he is. Heatherly then asks about whether it was because he already knew that “Lilith” would win because of his prophecy, and “Higgins” says that they’re asking him if he understands the book, and he knows he doesn’t understand the book (14:13). Julie suggests that they ask me (14:22), at which point “Higgins” says “I beg your pardon! My son doesn’t know more about this than I do!”

We then see Heatherly, “Higgins”, Julie, and myself (14:38). I’m kneeling by the side of the bed and “Higgins” is looking away from me, cleaerly offended. I ask what’s going on. Heatherly says “We have a question. When Mormon and Lilith were fighting—” and I interrupt, saying “When Mhoram and Lithe” (14:45). At this “Higgins” snaps his head around and says “you agreed with me!” (14:49) and I say “yes, since you were correct”. “Higgins” says “wow” (14:52) and mimes patting himself to verify that he’s not dreaming. Heatherly eventually asks her question of whether Mhoram let Lithe win because of his foresight, at which point I say “what makes you think he let her win?” (15:06). Julie says it says so in the book, and I say “that he let her win?” (15:09) Heatherly says “well yeah, cause she won. Because she got to go talk to Thomas Covenant.” Julie then reiterates the foresight question. I say “well maybe he thought it was okay for her to talk to Covenant.” Julie sasys no, they were arguing, didn’t I read the book? I say I did read it, but that Mhoram may have been convinced by her arguments (15:30). I say “if he hasn’t agreed with her arguments, why did he let her talk to Covenant?” and “Higgins” says “I have to agree with Tadhg” (15:35). He explains why, saying that they were arguing about whether it was a good idea for her to talk to Covenant, and is interrupted by Julie, who is touched by the agreement between us and suggests a hug (15:46). ‘Higgins” goes to give me a hug, at which point I push his arm away, say “Dad, you’[re embarrassing me” (15:49) and leave (15:50).

Julie asks how detailed “Mormon’s” foresight is. “Higgins” says that it comes and goes, that those who are gifted with it are able to see the future sometimes but not all the time, and that sometimes there’s a great deal of detail and at other time it’s only vague glimpses, and that if they could count on it, they would probably kill themselves, because, how could you live your life if you already knew what was going to happen? (16:31). So, when Mhoram senses danger, hope, etc., it doesn’t play out exactly, you have to actually live it in order to find out what’s going to happen. He then says “you’ve tricked me into giving a serious answer to this question!” (16:58)

They ask how anyone knows that “Mormon” isn’t faking, and “Higgins” says “you see, he also was an older brother” (17:26).

Heatherly asks what “Lilith” means when she says that they’ll serve Covenant in anything that doesn’t touch the “Ranynyn”. “Higgins” rolls his eyes and restrains himself from correcting both “Lilith” and “Ranynyn” as Heatherly closes her question by asking if the “Ranynyn” are “untouchable” (17:49). “Higgins” reponds that Lithe is telling Covenant that they’ll do anything for him as long as it doesn’t interfere with their worship of or respect for the Ranyhyn (18:19).

Julie asks if Covenant and Foamfollower were still drunk when they had their argument about hope (18:32). “Higgins” asks if she’s sure it was an argument. She says she thought so, that they were fighting like air and water, to which “Higgins” says “or like clouds and trees”. Heatherly reads “what hope has power at all if it is not power over death? If you place hope on anything less, then your hope may mislead you” (p385) (19:08) and asks what this means. “Higgins” says that that’s why he told them from the beginning that he never understood this book, but that he thinks they’ve found something important (19:18). (Which they have, since this debate relates closely to major themes in the book and is also one of the few suggested paths for Covenant out of his self-imposed pigeonhole).

“Higgins” says that Foamfollower is taking Covenant’s argument to its logical conclusion, which is that hope is meaningless unless it involves power over everything (19:48). Julie asks him if that’s what Foamfollower thinks, and when he begins to reply “Foamfollower’s position in the argument—” and Julie cuts him off with “so it is an argument” (19:59). “Higgins” replies “you know, I think this is an argument” (20:04).

“Higgins” continues that after pushing Covenant’s argument to the conclusion that if hope is reliant on power, then it’s meaningless unless you have power over everything, that Foamfollower says that hope is about love and respect, and depends on what you have committed yourself to, not on whether you yourself are powerful (20:43).

Heatherly says “wow, you’re so eloquent”, to which he replies “well, it’s the jacket” (20:46). There is then a cut to him appearing without the jacket.

Julie asks why Covenant tells Llaura to try the Ranyhyn with Pietten, and Heatherly says “what are the Ranynyn supposed to do with a possessed kid?” “Higgins” says “Really? That’s your question?” (21:13). When they say it is, he says that Covenant has already noticed that the Ranyhyn are the only thing that Pietten responds to (21:28). He goes on to say that Covenant, as he is slowly becoming a kinder and gentler person, is suggesting that Pietten be allowed to stay with the only thing he cares about (21:52).

They ask if Pietten is really going through puberty, and “Higgins” says that he thinks that Pietten has been driven insane by a traumatic experience, just as many people are driven insane by their parents. He continues “I mean, look at poor Tadhg. After all, if he weren’t my son he’d be a completely different person” (22:29) (He struggles to say this with a completely straight face.)

Chart-writing begins at 22:56 on the topic of “What do you think happened to Pietten to make him all ‘wooo’?”

Chart-writing ends at 23:20.

“Higgins’” chart (23:41) shows what “Higgins” describes as “the story of Tadhg”. This shows a stick figure beset by arrows of “bad things” and “really bad things”. The stick figure is thinking “I hate my parents!”

Julie’s chart (24:16) shows PIetten, who is going through puberty, being caught masturbating by Llaura, despite the “keep out” signs on his room.

Heatherly’s chart (24:35) shows multiple bad things happening to Pietten, including watching too much violent television programming, being forced to dress up like a bumblebee, getting pantsed in P.E., and getting abducted by aliens.

After the chart-writing, they say that they’re going to do “vocabulary trivia” (25:15).

The first word is “avuncular”. “Higgins” says that that would be a good word to describe his relationship with Heatherly and Julie (25:33), at which point Julie screams “ooo, that’s so good!”

The “post-coital” segment begins at 25:44. “Higgins” is lighting a cigar.

They comment that he’s smarter than me, and he responds that he got it from me, that most parents have their energy and intelligence sucked out of them by their children, but he did it the other way around (26:15). They then agree that the secret was the hair.

Heatherly’s favorite part was Covenant dumping Pietten and Llaura on the “Ranynyn” (26:37).

Julie’s favorite part was “the hope stuff, maybe” (26:52).

“Higgins’” favorite part was the fact that “service enables service. G. K. Chesterton once wrote ‘Anything worth doing is worth doing badly’ and I believe that. The worth of what it is you are doing depends on what it is you are doing, not on whether you happen to be or bad at it or whether you’re powerful, or whether you can save the world, or whether you ever become great. It depends on what you care about” (27:33). Heatherly then comments that he’s so smart, and that he should become a writer, to which Julie says “totally”.

The end credits include an out-take of Foamfollower saying “I do not like you, Sam-I-Am”.

###Words Defined
Avuncular: like or in the manner of an uncle (generally a friendly uncle).

###Firsts
First appearance of “Higgins O’Higgins”, 10:30.
First “vocabulary trivia”, 25:15

Tags: annotated-fantasy-bedtime-hour, criticism, fantasy-bedtime-hour, television, writing

AFBH 26: Pages 375-382

Tadhg — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 06:28:50 +0000

Episode 26. Prothall in the mirror.

Covenant expounds on leprosy, Prothall practices affirmations, and experts from China.
http://fantasybedtimehour.com/episodes/EP26.php

###Pages
375-382 Starts with “He reached the fire and grabbed the first food he say” (approximately) (p375), ends with “You will only cause pain for him—and yourself” (p382).

###Experts
Paul & Evie

###Intro/Beginning

Heatherly starts off by asking if Julie has seen Cameraman Jenn’s new puppy. Moose appears on the screen at 02:07, accompanied by threatening music, and appears to be foaming at the mouth. Julie says that the dog is evil—that it’s kresh (02:15). Heatherly says that Moose is just a cute little puppy, but when she looks back at Julie, Julie is unconscious or dead with Moose at her neck (02:26).

However, this is all revealed to be a dream, and we see Heatherly trying to wake Julie (02:34), who is clutching a bottle of rum and the trade paperback edition of Lord Foul’s Bane. Heatherly can’t wake her, and Cameraman Jenn says that Heatherly has to do the intro herself (02:50), which she does (referring to herself in the third person).

###Analysis of Pages

Heatherly says that they last left Covenant when he was “telepathically communicating with the Ranynyn” and telling them he wouldn’t choose any of them, that they had to show up if he needed them, and that one of them has to visit Lena. She also says that he’s starving because he’s been on “that weird hunger strike” (03:55).

She says that he grabs the first food he can, and then starts drinking diamonddraught (which she still pronounces as “diamond drought”), and then gets “luvvie drunk and is all over Foamfollower” (04:09) before passing out.

She says that the next morning, Covenant “just starts going off” about being a leper to Foamfollower, but cuts the conversation short to get some food (p378) (04:48).

She relates that Covenant is surprised to see flowers everywhere in the cave, and that Foamfollower tells him that the Ramen have collected them to honor him due to the fact that the Ranynyn honored him (p378) (05:05).

She briefly touches on marrowmeld, a skill the Ramen had but lost after the Desecration, and doesn’t explain what it is. She also relates how Covenant tries to be nicer to Winhome Gay (p380).

She says that Quaan and Covenant have this “weird, cryptic conversation” (06:03), and relates how Covenant tells Gay that Quaan doesn’t like him because Quaan thinks he’s obnoxious (p381) (06:22).

Heatherly ends the reading by describing Lithe and Mhoram arguing, finish with Mhoram’s line “You will only cause pain for him—and yourself” (p382) (06:40).

They discuss marrowmelde, saying that each of the groups in the Land seems to have their own arts and crafts, and that the Ramen did with bones what the Sowndownors do with stone. Julie asks if they’re limited with what they can make with a bone (07:05).

Covenant stumbles away from the Ranyhyn, overwhelmed by the fact that the horses seem to fear and hate him (p375). He brushes past Mhoram, whose interpretation that the Ranyhyn honored Covenant is too much for him to bear. He goes to get food, having in his mind made some kind of ‘bargain’ with the Land that no longer required him to deny its physicality. He eats, and also drinks diamondraught, seeking a quick fall into oblivion. Before he passes out, he tells Foamfollower that he needs friends. Foamfollower asks him first why he doesn’t think he has any, and then asks Covenant whether Foamfollower and the others would indeed forgive him quickly if they were all a dream. But Covenant tells him that dreams never forgive (p376) and falls asleep.

It is interesting here that Donaldson uses the term “the Unbeliever” in prose to describe Covenant—earlier uses were in Covenant’s thoughts, or in speech, while his is an authorial description:

> “No,” the Unbeliever said. “Dreams—never forgive.”
>—p376

It appears to be meant ironically, given that Covenant has just abandoned his attempt to deny the Land through hunger.

After Covenant wakes, he and Foamfollower discuss leprosy, and Foamfollower speculates that the Despiser of Covenant’s world is limited in power. Covenant says that he doesn’t think his world works that way, and then notes the large number of flowers that the Ramen have brought to honor him. Foamfollower tells him that before the Desecration the spectacle in Covenant’s honor would have been far greater, but that the Ramen have lost the art of marrowmend, that ability to sculpt bone (p379).

Covenant tells Foamfollower that Prothall will step down as High Lord after the quest, and Foamfollower teases him about prophesying (p380). Foamfollower then tells him that Mhoram was chosen as a rider by Hynaril, who also bore Tamarantha, and that this is the first time a Ranyhyn has borne two riders. This reminds Covenant of how much they feared him, and he wants to change the subject.

Winhome Gay arrives, and Covenant tries to act more civilly toward her. Quaan arrives and has a very short conversation with Covenant, in which he appears to upbraid Covenant for having been on hunger strike and also to emphasize Covenant’s outsider status (p381). When Winhome Gay asks about this, Covenant doesn’t want to give her much information and claims that Quaan considers him obnoxious.

Covenant sees and hears Mhoram and Lithe arguing, with Mhoram trying to warn Lena from doing something for or offering something to Covenant (p382).

###Key Misunderstandings

Foamfollower is not drunk all the time.

###Action Sequence

The Fantasy Action Sequence begins at 07:21.

We see the following scrolling text (07:37):

> pg. 375
>
> “He could hear the
> excitement of
> the Ramen.
>
> He did not care.
> He reached the
> fire and grabbed
> the first food
> he saw…”

We then see Covenant saying “gimme that!” and grabbing and eating spaghetti (07:47). He is eating with his half hand, which is clearly visible as a prosthesis that he is holding with his real right hand (07:48). We then see him drinking deeply out of a bottle, and continuing to eat, and drink. He keeps eating and drinking until saying “Giant, I need friends” and collapsing (08:46).

In the darkness, we hear the Ramen Cords mocking Covenant, but being reprimaned by Lith, who tells them they have to arrange flowers before he wakes up (09:07). We see a “Meanwhile…” intertitle.

Covenant wakes up, coughing (09:09). He tells Foamfollower that in his Land, where he comes from, being a leper sucks (09:31). Foamfollower comments that leprosy is a cruel word, and Covenant starts talking about how leprosy is ‘fun’ because you can do thinks like put your hand over flame and leave it there for a long time because you can’t feel anything (10:20), and that it’s cool because you don’t have to dress up on Halloween and you always have something to throw at people (10:27). He concludes that leprosy is “cool, not cruel”.

Foamfollower suggests that the Despiser in Covenant’s world has only limited power to oppose the Creator, and we see Rustah comment to Bannor “ooh, burned!” (10:44). Covenant says “oh, here’s a funny one” and laughs, and tells that he lost two fingers once when playing with a dog, and didn’t feel a thing (11:01).

Foamfollower says “Thomas, I do not understand this mood” and then bursts into laughter. Covenant says he finds it hard to walk down the street because children will look at him funny (11:29), and says that he threw a chunk of skin at one of these children (a reference to the Episode 1 action sequence). He laughs, then sobs and says he doesn’t want to be a leper anymore (11:52). Foamfollower laughs at this. Covenant says that he had a family, that he wasn’t a leper then, but that he turned into a leper and his family took off and were afraid. Foamfollower says that Covenant bewilders him, and Covenant goes in search of food (12:31).

We see him eating chocolate pudding with his half-hand (less obviously a prosthesis-spoon) and drinking.

He asks “what’s with all the flowers?” (13:24) and Foamfollower tells him that they’re from the Ramen, because Covenant touched their hearts. Then he tells Covenant that he should have seen the marrowmeld of the Ramen before the Desecration, that they created figures of truth and joy. Then he says “but now look at it” and we see a caterpillar (13:59), a snake (14:04), and a sad clown (14:07). (Episode 6 features Stowndownor craft, which also includes a sad clown.)

Covenant looks uncomfortable (14:11).

We see a “Meanwhile…” intertitle, followed by hands holding a makeup mirror (14:14). In the mirror we see a section of Prothall’s face. He is talking to himself, saying “I can do this. Everyone likes me. I know I can do this. I’m beautiful on the inside. And I can do this quest, I know I can.” (14:27).

There is a cut to Foamfollower saying that it’s so sad that Prothall is going to quit after the quest, and then back to Prothall, saying “I can master Kevin’s Lore. And I’m beautiful. And everyone likes me.” (14:42)

Rustah, talking to Foamfollower, says that Prothall spends too much time thinking about how he hasn’t mastered Kevin’s Lore, and Bannor says “and primping”.

Prothall, still talking to the mirror, says “Everyone says I can do this. I can do this. I’m beautiful on the inside. Yes, yes, I know I can do this. Yes” (14:59).

Winhome Gay, now looking rather more female, approaches Covenant and says “I know you consider me a child, but the drinking age here is much lower than in Revelstone(15:07). Covenant tells her that last night wasn’t her fault, she plays with one of her pigtails, and Covenant thanks her distinctly. Quaan (also looking rather different) approaches Covenant and asks him if he’s well. Covenant barks “what the hell are you talking about? Can’t you see? I can see you. You’re as sound as an oak!” (15:38). Quaan says, in campy tones “um, I don’t know what that means” and then, much more gruffly, “but you are closed to us. What we see is not what you are.” (15:49). Covenant replies that he has no idea what Quaan is talking about and that he’s eating. Quaan walks away. Winhome Gay gigglingly says that Quaan dislikes Covenant, and Covenant says no, that Quaan just thinks that he’s obnoxious.

After an “In other parts of Manhome…” intertitle, we see “Lord Mormon” and “Lilith” (16:16). They are arguing, and they are cut off by the end of the action sequence and a “To be continued…” screen.

The Fantasy Action Sequence ends at 16:25

###Experts

The experts are Paul and Evie, who according to Heatherly came all the way from China. They appear on screen at 16:37, are both wearing expert jackets, and unusually are flanking Heatherly and Julie in the bed rather than being between them. They switch places to the usual configuration. They say that they collectively have read the book once (17:28) and understood it about half each (17:33).

They bring a present of Chinese rice wine, which Julie opens (18:10).

Julie asks what Covenant means when he tells Foamfollower “I need friends” (18:28) Evie says that perhaps Foamfollower and the others put up with this kind of thing because they’ve known from the start that he’s an Unbeliever.

Heatherly wants to know whether they’re still drunk from the night before when they have the following morning’s conversation about being a leper (19:03). Paul says that’s definitely a possibility, and that diamondraught seems to last a long time as Foamfollower never seems to be completely sober (19:12). Julie and Heatherly seize on this, saying that Foamfollower being drunk all the time would explain everything. They ask if they’re a race of alcoholics, and Julie posits a history of the Land where the Giants built Revelstone for the Lords and the Lords then gave them alcohol and took their lands away and oppressed them (19:45).

Heatherly asks them what they think is crueler: leprosy, Tourette’s, or Lyme disease (20:14). Paul answers Lyme disease as it adds insult to injury because you have to admit to everyone that you’re dying because of being bitten by a tick.

In a discussion about Prothall and his doubts (and about whether he’s a loser for not having mastered Kevin’s Lore), Julie asks what Kevin’s Lore is. Paul answers that it’s the store of magical knowledge that Lord Kevin left behind, and that they don’t seem to expect to master it for many generations, and that Prothall is being hard on himself (he doesn’t mention the Wards, or the fact that the Lords only have the First Ward).

Heatherly says she thinks that Prothall has been pretending for years, that he doesn’t have any magical powers, and they ask how one gets to be the High Lord (21:31). Paul points out that he does shoot flames out of his staff, and Julie comments that they thought that was a metaphor (21:43).

They discuss how much notice Prothall has to give in resigning, and how they’re going to find a replacement. Then thay ask if Paul and Evie like Thomas Covenant (22:25), and they say no. Paul says “he does nice things, but they’re never quite enough, like he raped Lena so he sends her a horse to play with once a year” (22:34).

Heatherly suggests that Steven R. Donaldson’s gift to the readers is a plethora of reasons to hate Covenant, given that she enjoys hating him so much (23:04).

Chart-writing starts at 23:41, on the topic of “If you were to do some marrowmeld, what would you do?”.

Chart-writing ends at 24:22.

Julie’s chart (24:29) shows the steps required to make a shiv out of a bone, using a bone, a lighter, and some duct tape.

Heatherly’s chart (24:48) shows a marrowmeld of Berek Halfhand, essentially a skeleton with a large staff and half a hand.

Paul’s chart (25:18) shows a marrowmeld sculpture of the Unhomed’s voyage across dangerous seas. It’s a ship on top of what looks like a really large wave.

Evie’s chart (25:52) shows a skull and crossbones made out of bone, and she wonders if the Unhomed are in fact pirates.

The “post-coital” segment begins at 26:06.

Heatherly says that her favorite part was “Mormon” and “Lilith” arguing (26:30).

Julie says that her favorite part was when Quaan was super-pissed at Thomas Covenant and did not bring him flowers (26:44).

Evie says that her favorite part was the dialogue between Covenant and Saltheart Foamfollower (27:09).

Paul says that his favorite part was when Covenant figured out that Quaan thought he was really obnoxious (27:19).

After the outro spiel, they have a toast, and Julie says “Sláinte”, an Irish toast meaning “health”.

The end credits feature out-takes of Covenant licking food off his half hand and referring to “the first episode” in dialogue.

###Words Defined
None.

###Firsts
First appearance of Moose, 02:07

Tags: annotated-fantasy-bedtime-hour, criticism, fantasy-bedtime-hour, television, writing

AFBH 25: Pages 364-375

Tadhg — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 09:42:45 +0000

Episode 25. Covenant tries to make a deal.

Covenant summons the Ranyhyn, and a shocking lack of chart-writing.
http://fantasybedtimehour.com/episodes/EP25.php

###Pages
362-372 according to the site, but seems more like 364-375 (which is what the action sequence says). Starts with “But Lithe was there” (approximately) (p364), ends with “‘They reared to him’” (p375).

###Expert
Steve O

###Intro/Beginning

Heatherly and Julie are both reading Lord Foul’s Bane. Heatherly’s edition is new to the show, and Julie asks her what it is. She says it’s Lord Foul’s Bane, but Julie says it’s not because her copy is Lord Foul’s Bane. Heatherly says she wouldn’t be reading any other book but Lord Foul’s Bane, and Julie replis “oh really?”, prompting a flashback to Episode 4 (02:08-02:55).

Heatherly jolts Julie out of her reveries and tells her she has to let that go if they’re going to continue, and that Heatherly is not the same person she was 21 episodes ago. Then she explains that the book is Lord Foul’s Bane with different cover art (03:17), and they make up.

The usual intro is done in black and white, with a lot of intent staring and odd camera angles.

###Analysis of Pages

Heatherly begins by saying “oh my god Julie, they’re still on the quest!” (04:25), and continues by saying that they finally get to Manhome and that Covenant is still on hunger strike. When she relates how Covenant encounters a shy young Ramen girl who’s no more that fifteen or sixteen, Julie grits her teeth (04:41). Heatherly says that the girl reaches out to put flowers on him, and that Covenant is so hungry that the smell makes him want to vomit chunks of emptiness (p365) (04:52). She goes over Covenant’s rejection of Winhome Gay, and Foamfollower’s explanation that Covenant is ‘testing them’.

She continues with Foamfollower’s laughter at Winhome Gay’s retort, and says that everyone laughs with Foamfollower without knowing why. She reads “for a long moment, he threw out gales as if he were blowing debris from his soul” (p366) (05:39).

She says that they go to a feast, and follow it with singing and dancing, and that Covenant just sits there and doesn’t really respond to anything, and that he starts “tripping” (06:00). Heatherly continues with “she stood with her legs slightly apart, so that he could see the bloody coals of the fire between her thighs” (p369) (06:10), and says that Covenant then starts freaking out about Lena and flings Winhome Gay aside while thinkining “Lena, what have I done?” (p369) (06:25).

She describes how “Mormon” tries to calm Covenant down, but that he refuses to be calmed and then tells them to call the “Ranynyn”, shocking “Lilith” and the Ramen. She says that they do call the “Ranynyn”, that Covenant grabs Pietten to take him out of the horses’ path, and that Covenant figures out that the horses are scared of him (p373) (07:14).

She recounts how Covenant refuses to choose any of the “Ranyhyn”, but insists that one of them, once a year, must visit Lena. After the horses leave, the Ramen are deeply impressed because they reared to Covenant (p375).

Heatherly says it’s good to see Covenant having some remorse, and Julie agrees (08:01), and then asks about Covenant “blowing chunks”. She wants to know what “chunks of emptiness” means (08:12). Julie says that Heatherly read a lot, but that all she can remember is Covenant wanting to blow chunks of emptiness and the chunks of Foamfollower’s soul. She wants to know why there are so many vomit references, but Heatherly doesn’t have an answer.

When the company arrives at Manhome, Covenant still hasn’t eaten, and is as unwilling as ever to accept any honor or even welcome. When Foamfollower laughs at Winhome Gay’s chiding (p365), Covenant turns away because he finds it tempting to fall into easy camaraderie—as well as into a variety of other attractions, all of which he thinks will kill him.

He is quiet and aloof through the meal they have, and afterwards. He is running through his own mind, apparently expecting to find some failing or failings in it. He reaches the following point:
> Behind him was the impossibility of believing the Land true. And before him was the impossibility of believing it false.
> —p369

Covenant has been clinging to the idea that the Land was false for most of the novel. At this point he can’t continue believing that in good faith, but he doesn’t have any real idea where to go from there.

He is interrupted in his thoughts by Winhome Gay, who tells him he must eat. She reminds him of Lena, and in the background he hears Prothall talking about him and the Wraiths of Andelain. He jumps up, trying to fend off the memories, and then comes to the conclusion that what he had done to Lena was just like what the ur-viles had done to the Wraits, and he concludes that “he had been serving Lord Foul since his first day in the Land” (p370). He continues to talk to himself, struggling, but when Mhoram asks him what he has done, instead of answering he tells the Ramen to summon the Ranyhyn.

Lithe does so, despite protesting that the Ranyhyn are not to be called, especially at night. The horses do come, a hundred of them, more than most of the Ramen have ever seen together. They surround Covenant, clearly disturbed. Pietten runs through the equine press to protest, saying that the horses hate Covenant (p373). Covenant grabs him out of harm’s way, and then sees that the Ranyhyn are afraid of him. He thinks that this is due to fear of the wild magic—a fear presumably increased by the taint that Foul has put on Covenant’s ring. For his part, Covenant is nearly incoherent, addressing the Ranyhyn as if they were the Land. He tells them that he doesn’t want any of them, that they and the Land have to “back off” and not ask so much of him. He tells them that they must come if he calls, and that one of them must visit Lena once a year. Then he lets them go(p374).

Everyone else is shocked at this, that so many Ranyhyn came to Covenant, and that they reared to him (p375).

###Key Misunderstandings

###Action Sequence

The Fantasy Action Sequence begins at 08:41.

It opens with the following scrolling text (08:58):

> pg. 363
>
> “There at last was
> Manhome…
>
> Lilith [sic] was there
> and she walked lightly
> out to meet
> the company…
>
> As the riders got
> down from their horses,
> each was greeted
> by a smiling
> Winhome.”

We hear “Lilith” welcoming them to Manhome, and then we see Covenant checking out Winhome Gay (who is male in this action sequence) as he passes by. Gay places a garland of ballons around the neck of “Lord Mormon”, kisses him on the cheek, and says “aloha” (09:13), then does the same with Prothall and Bannor. When he tries to do the same thing with Covenant, Covenant knocks the balloons away and coughs/retches before saying “Fuck!” (09:30). Gay says “I’m Winhome Gay. I’m here to care for you” and Covenant replies “I don’t need anything! Don’t touch me! And by the way, maybe you didn’t get the note, I’m a leper!” (09:42).

Foamfollower then tells Gay not to be sad, that Covenant does not speak his heart. Gay says that he’s not so little, the Giant is just huge, and that Gay is almost old enough to be a Cord like Rustah. Foamfollower bursts out laughing at this, and (while laughing) says that it’s the debris coming from his soul (10:17). The rest of the group also laugh, except for Covenant, who stands stony-faced at first, later perplexed. Gay also looks perplexed. They keep laughing until Gay says “hey everyone, let’s go to the feast! Who wants chicken?” (11:07). Everyone leaves with Gay, except for Covenant, who shakes his head.

We then see the group after their repast, obviously sated. One of them (a Bloodguard or one of the Eoman) suggests singing, and the rest agree, “Lord Mormon” saying “Sing! I feel a song coming on, oh yeah!” (11:34).

We see the following scrolling text, which “Mormon” reads/sings lounge/karaoke-style (11:47):

> pg. 362
>
> “Time and again
> mighty horses
> cantered by.
>
> Glancing aside
> at the riders
> with laughter
> in their eyes
> and keen,
> shimmering calls
> in their throats,
> added a spring
> to the strides
> of the Cords.
>
> Feed and drink
> coat gloss gleam.”

This is not quite verbatim from the text. From “Time and again” to “of the Cords” is prose from p363, while “Feed and drink/coat gloss gleam” is a rephrased snippet from the song that Grace and Thew sing.

The song continues as we see the entire group singing, now karaoke-style to the tune of “I Will Survive”, the rest of the Cords’ song from p363:

You are the marrow of the earth.
No rein will cub, or bit control—
no claw or fang unpunished rend;
no horse-blood drop without the healing grass.
We are the Ramen, born to serve:
Manethrall curry,
Cord protect,
Winhome hearth and bed anneal—
our feet do not bear our hearst away.
Grass-grown hooves, and forehead starts;
hocks and withers earth-wood bloom:
regal Ranynyn[in the text, Ranyhyn], gallop, run—
we serve the Tail of the Sky,
Mane of the World

[this line is taken from the start of the song:] Run Ranynyn,
[this line is not in the text:] oh Ranynyn
[this line is after "Run Ranyhyn" and in the text is "gallop, play—":] gallop and play

The song (and dance) ends at 13:02.

Covenant is thinking, and we can hear him muttering about whether the Land is real or false. He says that either way is impossible to believe, and then contemplates a hypothetical situation involving 16 cats running around at his wedding, half of which were sneezing and the other half made out of dog hair, but does not finish the thought because he sees Gay and is distracted by lust before telling himself to think unsexy thoughts (13:33). These are “women my own age” and “Foamfollower naked”, after which he thinks he’s calmed down (13:42).

Gay approaches him with a flower, which Covenant knocks out of Gay’s hand. Gay tries again with a water bottle, with the same result. Then Covenant, looking at Gay, takes food out of his own pocket and knocks it out of his own hand (13:53).

Gay urges Covenant to take food, and Covenant knocks him aside (13:59) and starts off before falling into a fetal position and saying “Lena! Lena! She was wrong! I couldn’t help it, I’m a leper!” (14:12).

“Lord Mormon” rushes to his side and asks him what’s wrong, reminding him that they are guests. Covenant yells “I will not be waited on by children! I will survive! You hear me, I’ll survive!” (14:25). “Lilith” comes over and asks Covenant who he is, and Prothall takes her by the arm and says “he holds wild magic that destroys peace. We must forgive him—[sotto voce:]or else he’ll destroy peace, don’t piss him off” (14:40). Covenant leaps up a moment later and shouts “Call the Ranynyn!” (14:45).

“Lilith” says “What? I ain’t callin’ the Ranynyn for nobody.” The Cords echo her reaction. Prothall says maybe she should just call them.

We see the following scrolling text (15:04):

> pg. 371
>
> “Manethrall Lilith [sic]
> gave a shrill cry.
>
> Shortly there came
> a rumbling of
> hooves.
>
> Scores of Ranynin [sic]
> approached.”

We then see Ranynyn running. On of them (subtitled) says “This better be fucking good…” (15:16) followed by “Or I’m kicking some Manethrall ass!” (15:25).

Pietten says “Oh my god, the horses!” and runs toward them, prompting Covenant to grab him and shuot “doesn’t anybody watch these damn kids?” (15:41). Pietten’s response is “I hate you. The horses hate you. You’re not my dad.” (15:43). Covenant keeps hold of him as the Ranynyn arrive, one of them saying (subtitled) “Holy fuck! It’s that halfhand asshole!” (15:53) followed by “I can’t believe I got out of bed for this!” (15:55), “I’m terrified! He can control us!” (15:59) and “Good thing HE doesn’t know that!” (16:04).

Covenant says “wait a second! I think I can hear your stupid horse-thoughts. You guys are afraid of me, aren’t you?” (16:14). He then roars in the face of each of the Ranynyn as they cower back from him. When he’s done with that, he says “I don’t want the responsibility. I don’t choose any of you. Except you!” and points at a white Ranynyn, who says (subtitled) “Shit!”. Covenant says “you’ve got to visit Lena at least once a year”, with the reply (subtitled) “Fine.”. Covenant says “and let her pet you”, with the reply (subtitled) “Fine.”. Covenant says “and ride you!”, with the reply (subtitled) “OK…”. Covenant says “and name you”, with the reply (subtitled) “FINE.” (16:44)

We see Grace, “Lilith”, and Rustah complaining about the fact that the “Ranynyn” showed such respect to Covenant.

The Fantasy Action Sequence ends at 16:55

###Expert

The expert is Steve-O, who appears at 17:12. He is wearing the expert jacket. Julie says that it’s exciting to have such a homeless and knowledgeable expert. Julie asks if he’s really homeless, to which he says “no” (17:34). Steve says that he read Lord Foul’s Bane about three times (17:58). He says that he only understood it once (18:03).

Steve gives them a gift of a “Thomas Covenant candle holder” (19:01).

Julie asks how Gay has coals burning between her legs. Steve says that this was metaphorical, referring to the temptation as Covenant has a teenage girl thing (19:56).

Julie asks what’s up with Gay’s name, and whether Steven R. Donaldson meant to make characters like “Gay” and “Sore-anal” (20:26). Steve laughs, then says that Donaldson might be a little repressed.

Julie wants to know why Gay is so attracted to Covenant, and whether he’s “super hot” (21:25). Steve says that he’s attractive to people in the Land because his looks are exotic to them.

Julie asks if Covenant is ever going to eat again. Steve says he doesn’t know, that Covenant is in denial. Julie asks if they’ll have to put a feeding tube in him, and whether they have feeding tubes in the Land. Steve says he’ll have to check the sequels for that (22:15). Heatherly says that she doesn’t think they have the technology for that, but Julie says that it’s not about technology, they just need a tube.

Heatherly asks about Foamfollower laughing (p366) and wants to know why everyone laughed and what it means that he was laughing so hard he was blowing debris from his soul. Steve says Foamfollower has what’s called an infectious laugh, and that that comes from being a giant. Heatherly likens this ability to the Jolly Green Giant, and Steve agrees that it’s similar. They discuss whether all giants are jolly, and Julie brings up the “fee fi fo fum” giant, who they agree is not jolly (23:24).

They want to know what Covenant meant when he says “She was wrong” (p369) (23:37). Steve claims that “wrong” here is meant more like “ill”, that “she” didn’t have “that health, that rightness of the Land” (23:50). They speculate that Lena might have been retarded, and Julie objects to the idea that this would make a difference. Cameraman Jenn says that “she was wrong” means that Covenant thinks Lena was wrong in believing that he was Berek Halfhand (24:25). (Note that it could also mean that Covenant thinks Lena was wrong to treat him decently, or to (try to) heal him, or that he thinks Atiaran was wrong to believe he could save the Wraiths, although the Lena-related explanations are more likely valid.)

They want to know how Covenant communicated with the horses, and Julie asks if he is a “horse-whisperer” (24:51). Steve says he thinks Covenant was speaking English. Julie asks if Covenant angers the Ramen due to his speaking to them and treating them that way. Steve says that this is what Covenant does, comes to the Land and does stuff that nobody else can do. Julie asks if this is all due to his white gold ring (25:30). Steve says he thinks that it’s because the people in the Land believe the ring has the power. Heatherly asks if the white gold is a placebo, and Steve says that it is sort of a placebo (25:48). He also says it’s a kind of super-identification, the only one that Covenant needed, plus half a hand. Steve agrees with Julie that “Mormon” could wear the ring, chop off part of his hand, and assume the same role.

There is no chart-writing in this episode(!).

The “post-coital” segment begins at 26:41.

Heatherly says that her favorite part was when Foamfollower got his soul cleaned by blowing out all that debris (27:02).

Julie says that her favorite part was when “that kid got all insolent with Thomas Covenant” (27:14).

Steve says that his favorite part was Covenant sending the Ranyhyn to visit Lena once a year (27:30).

The end credits feature clips of Covenant being lecherous, and “Mormon” saying “kiss me!” to Gay.

###Words Defined
None.

###Firsts
First appearance of ‘new?’ ‘old?’ trade paperback edition of Lord Foul’s Bane, 01:54 (I need a publication date/other details about this edition)
First appearance of Winhome Gay, 09:05
First expert without a chart

Tags: annotated-fantasy-bedtime-hour, criticism, fantasy-bedtime-hour, television, writing

AFBH 24: Pages 352-363

Tadhg — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 06:14:47 +0000

Episode 24. A proposal.

Meet the Ramen, and enamored experts..
http://fantasybedtimehour.com/episodes/EP24.php

###Pages
352-363. Starts with “Before them stood a strange woman” (p352), ends with “There, at last, was Manhome” (approximately) (p363).

###Expert
Charles & Ann

###Intro/Beginning

We see Heatherly and Julie in black and white, looking and acting much older. Heatherly is holding The Runes of the Earth (book seven in the series), and Julie starts to introduce the 256th episode before noting that Cameraman Jenn is shaky and advising her to put the camera on the tripod. Heatherly offers Jenn some medication for her Parkinson’s. Julie resumes introducing the episode, but cannot remember her own name (02:24) or where she is. Heatherly starts shouting at “kids” off-screen and asks Adult Gladiator to keep their grandchildren quiet.

This dream (for it is a dream) ends as Heatherly begins to wake up (03:05). Heatherly relates the nightmare to Julie, and then they start the usual intro spiel.

###Analysis of Pages

Heatherly says that they left off after a massive battle, and that the group left for Andelain the next day, with Covenant refusing to eat any food. She says that they went to the Morinmoss forest, which was really dangerous because the trees there remember the Desecration and are a little bit bloodthirsty. She continues that Covenant still hasn’t eaten, and says that we meet them as they leave Morinmoss, on page 352 (04:41).

She begins with Lithe (who she calls “Lilith”) greeting the company and introducing herself (p352) (04:52), and with Lithe introducing her Cords and leaving to tell the rest of the people on the plains that they have arrived.

She says that Covenant asks “Mormon” “why don’t you ride?” (05:15), and then says that although “Mormon” moved to restrain Covenant, the damage had already been done, and that “Mormon” tells Covenant not to piss off the Ramen.

She says that the Ramen brought magic grass for the horses, and reads Cord Rustah saying “this grass is poisonous to humans. It is amanibhavam” (p357) (05:45).

She continues with Rustah warning the party to silence, warning them about the kresh.

She says that Covenant went to sleep, and reads “he dozed into a dream where he danced and wept and made love at the commands of a satirical puppeteer” (p363) (06:18). She ends the reading with “they were at last at Manhome, and he still didn’t have a decision”, which is not a line from the book although she seems to present it as one.

Julie says that it seems like they’re going through a really bad neighborhood, and asks if “Cords” are like “homies”, and asks Heatherly if she’s her “Cord”, and Heatherly says that she is.

They talk about how easy it was to anger the Ramen, and that the Ramen seemed like they could totally kick ass (07:14).

After the battle at Soaring Woodhelven, Mhoram mourns his parents and is given Variol’s staff by Prothall. Prothall also offers Tamarantha’s staff to Covenant, but he regards it as a thing of killing and tells Prothall to burn it. When Prothall puts it in the fire (the fire that is still consuming the tree that was Soaring Woodhelven), it explodes and destroys what had been left of the tree.

When Foamfollower returns, obviously tormented by killing in a fashion similar to Covenant, Covenant assails him, saying that his excursion “must’ve been fun” (p334). Prothall asks Covenant not to torment Foamfollower, who castigates himself and chants for a time before asking who the party lost. When they tell him, he thrusts his hands into the fire. This is a Giantish ritual called caamora, which the glossary describes as an ordeal of grief by fire (p475). While it causes Foamfollower pain, it doesn’t actually harm him.

Covenant resolves not to kill again (p336), and also refuses to eat as this would be a “submission to the physical actuality of the Land” (p340). The next day the group leaves Soaring Woodhelven. They pass through Morinmoss, which Prothall explains is a living wood, whose trees may easily rouse and attack the party. Covenant can feel the trees as they pass through, and knows that the trees are letting the company through due to lethargy rather than any friendship with the Lords. When they exit the forest, it appears that it marked Mhoram and Covenant in green, Mhoram with two stripes, and Covenant covered in mossy spattering (p351).

Near the Roamsedge Ford, they are greeted by the Manethrall Lithe, who addresses Covenant as Ringthane (p352) and is disturbed to find that Fangthane (the Ramen name for Lord Foul) is once again active (p355). She introduces her Cords, who are like apprentices or underlings, and are hunters for the Ramen. Covenant offends them by asking why they don’t ride horses, and has to be told by Mhoram that they serve the Ranyhyn—and that they are quick to anger and very dangerous.

The group is pursued by kresh, but the Cords are adept at dealing them and kill the entire pack (p360). Covenant falls asleep while riding, and dreams of being manipulated by a “satirical puppeteer” (p363). He also thinks that Prothall brought the party through the Plains of Ra in order for Covenant to be honored by the Ranyhyn, which Covenant thinks is an unbearable prosect—partly because he feels he deserves no honor, and partly because of pain associated with his ex-wife, who broke in horses for a living. These thoughts are on his mind when the party reaches Manhome.

###Key Misunderstandings

Covenant offends the Cords by asking them why they don’t ride a Ranyhyn instead of running.

###Action Sequence

The Fantasy Action Sequence begins at 07:20.

It opens with this scrolling text (07:37):

> pg. 344
>
> “Morinmoss lay at the
> foot of the hill.
>
> It had a forbidding look.
>
> It seemed to deft
> the Quest to
> pass through it.”

We see “Lord Mormon” addressing the forest (again getting Prothall’s lines), saying “Hail, Morinmoss! Enemy of our enemies! We hate the axe and flame which hurt you! Let us pass!” (07:49). There is no response, and the rest of the party seems unconvinced by what he is doing. He says “hello? Morinmoss, we… Hail?” and then turns to the rest of the group to say “they’re probably just sleeping, you know” (08:15). He heads into the forest, and we see the following scrolling text (08:29):

> pg. 347
>
> [Mormon] [sic] “looked once more
> sternly at the riders.
>
> At his signal, they
> rode down toward the
> knuckled edges
> of Morinmoss.”

This is followed by shots of the party riding, until the following scrolling text (08:56):

> pg. 347
>
> “They seemed to fall
> like as tone
> ijnto the forest…
>
> The sunlight closed
> behind them
> like an unregainable
> door.”

We then see “Lord Mormon” walking by a tree that has a face on it. He doesn’t appear to notice, and says to the rest of the group “let’s just go on in”. Covenant notices the face, and stares at it before continuing. The party passes behind another tree with a face, this one looking a lot more angry. They continue through more trees with faces until we see “Lord Mormon” about to eat a banana (09:57). The rest of the party eat also—except Covenant, who thinks to himself about being hungry—and also about how he refuses to participate in this hellish nightmare, which isn’t real (10:31).

This is followed by scrolling text (10:35):

> pg. 350
>
> “The riders broke out
> into sunshine…”
>
> pg. 352
>
> “Before them stood
> a strange woman.”

We then see the party approaching Lithe, who is called “Lilith” in the action sequences. She says “Hail, Ringthang, white gold is known” and then neighs (10:47) before saying “be welcome. I am Manethall Lilith. We see you. Speak.”

She and “Lord Mormon” bow to each other, and he says “The manethrall are the first tender of the Ranynyn. Among the top Ramen, you are the most honored.” She replies “We have been watching you since you left Morinmoss. We heard your talk. We know the sleepless ones”—here she spits—”the Bloodguard. They take the Ranynyn into peril” (11:20).

She asks if they have urgency, and “Mormon” says “Yes, Fangthang lives!”. “Lilith” is taken aback by this, but then says “Yes, Fangthang, for Ringthang is here to protect the Ranynyn” and neighs again (11:32). This prompts Covenant to say “you’re a bunch of fucking freaks, you know that?” (11:36). She says that they must waste no time, and bring them to Manhome, and tells her Cords to rise. They do, startling the party. “Lilith” says that she must depart to let Manhome know they’re coming, and runs away from them.

Rustah tells “Mormon” “dude, I got grass that’ll totally heal your horses” (12:09), to which “Mormon” says nothing, until Rustah says “dude, I gotta go get it”, and Grace then produces it. They proceed to have the horses smoke the grass. Covenant complains that the horses eat better than they do, and Grace tells him “this grass is poisonous to humans! It’s onomatopeia!”.

Covenant then approaches Rustah and says “you know, you’ve got all those Ranyn. Why don’t you ride them?” (12:44). “Mormon” tries to stop him but is too late. This is followed by alternating shots of Rustah and Covenant staring, until Covenant thinks “mmm, chicken” (13:07). “Mormon” explains that the Ramen serve the “Ranyhyn” and are the deadlest hunters in the land, and then Rustah says that there are kresh nearby and runs off. We see the following scrolling text (13:29):

> pg. 358
>
> “Kresh…yellow wolves…”
>
> “Instinctively the company
> drew close together.
>
> In suspect they
> stood hushed,
> hardly breathing.”

We see the company cowering together while there are screams in the distance, and “Mormon” holds Foamfollower back from going out after the kresh. There is a cut to scrolling text (13:52):

> pg. 363
>
> “After a time he
> dozed into a dream
> where he danced
> and wept
> and made love
> at the commands of
> a satirical puppeteer.”

We then see Lord Foul (13:58) holding the control bar of a marionette and laughing. We see Covenant, with strings attached to his arms, dancing unhappily, crying, and forced to eat Kentucky Fried Chicken as Foul says “eat it! Eat it! It’s Foul!” (14:23) and keeps laughing.

The Fantasy Action Sequence ends at 14:32

###Experts

After the action sequence, Heatherly asks what’s up with the bed, which has a lot of space between the two of them.

The experts, all the way from New York City, are Charles and Ann, who appear (with a dog, Hannah) at 14:49. They are both wearing expert jackets. Heatherly asks if the dog has red Lord Foul’s Bane, to which Ann says “she chewed on it twice and peed on it once” (15:01), to which Juliana says “like Heatherly”. Charles says that he read Lord Foul’s Bane twenty or thirty times during/immediately after high school (15:19). He then says that he brought them something from New York and produces a bag of sugar, and Ann gives Heatherly a spatula (actually an absinthe spoon) for the sugar. Charles then produces a bottle of something that he says they should call diamondraught. They then strain the sugar into glasses and drink (presumbly drinking diamondraught.)

They don’t ask how many times Ann has read Lord Foul’s Bane or how many times any of them understood it.

Heatherly asks why “Lilith” was whinnying and snickering and so on (16:14). Charles says that she is a servant of horses, and so speaks the language of her employers. Julie asks if the horses are really that smart, and he says they are. Heatherly asks how they clean up after the humans if they don’t have opposable thumbs, and Charles says he never thought about that, prompting Ann to ask “you read it thirty times and you didn’t think about that?” (16:36). Charles then says that the humans must clean up after themselves.

Julie asks why “Mormon” was acting as if the trees of Morinmoss were really intelligent given that they never talked or did anything like that, and asks if the trees are as smart as a three-year-old child (16:55). Charles says that the trees are smarter than humans, and that we know this because the trees have pet humans called Forestals, who they communicate with telepathically. Julie suggests that the Forestals may just be crazy people living in the forest who say that they communicate with the trees, and Charles points out that the book says that the trees talk to the people, and that if the trees didn’t talk to the people then the book would have to be mistaken, which he doesn’t think is possible (17:27).

Heatherly asks how “Lilith” could “let” the group pass through the Plains of Ra. Charles says that she was rising above her station, and that what she meant to say was that the horses would let them pass (17:48).

Heatherly asks if Fangthane is another name for Lord Foul, and if Ringthane is another name for Berek. Charles says that Fangthane is another name for Foul, and that Ringthane is another name for Thomas Covenant, which in a sense is another name for Berek.

Julie asks him about the Cords, and he says that the Ranyhyn are the Board of Directors, the Manethralls upper management (18:37), and the Cords middle management.

Julie asks if Covenant is worried about his weight, since he’s not eating. Charles says that Covenant has been concerned all along that the Land isn’t real, and that he’s realized now that if he doesn’t believe the Land exists then it’s hypocritical of him to eat. Julie asks why he cuts out food rather than something else, and Charles says that that’s just the first thing that occurs to Covenant (19:26).

Julie asks why the group, if they know that Lord Foul is in Mount Thunder, don’t just go there and kick his ass. Charles says that the only thing that can defeat Lord Foul is the white gold, and the white gold is the keystone to the Arch of Time. He then likens Foul to a minority shareholder who is trapped in the Arch of Time by the majority shareholder, the Creator, and that he wants to break the Arch of Time so that he can take control of the corporation by buying up the remaining shares (20:38).

Julie asks who the Creator is, and Charles reveals that he is the blind beggar in the first chapter (20:44). They then ask if that means that the beggar is Steven R. Donaldson, and if so, that they guess he didn’t make that much money off of the book.

Heatherly comments that Thomas Covenant is still such a whiny little bitch (21:02), and Charles replies that you have to look at the background, and that he tries to think of Covenant as he was during high school, that he thinks that Covenant was kind of geeky and didn’t have a lot of friends, and that after he got out of high school and started to turn things around, he gets leprosy and things get worse, and now he’s been pulled into the Land and everybody’s after him to use the white gold and defeat Lord Foul.

At this point Ann says that she’s worried, that Charles went to high school in a small town, and that he was a little geeky, and does he have leprosy? He says he doesn’t (21:54).

Julie says “since we’re defending Thomas Covenant—defend the rape!” (22:00). Charles says that that was always a difficult part of the book, and that it took him several readings before he started to understand it. He then says that he thinks that Donaldson’s publisher decided there wasn’t enough sex in the book, and that the publisher wrote that scene in without telling Steven R. Donaldson (22:22).

Heatherly asks if it’s time to draw the charts. Julie says it is. Then they ask Ann what she thinks the chart writing should be about. She says she’s still concerned about the corporate structure of the company, and they agree that the topic should be the corporate structure of the “Ranynyn”.

Chart-writing starts at 22:50, on the topic of “The corporate structure of the Ranynyn”.

Chart-writing ends at 23:13.

Julie’s chart (23:33) shows two horses, one standing in front of a finance chart and the other sitting at a table. The corporation is doing badly, so they have three possible plans for profitability: Eat Humans, Ride Humans, and Keep Humans as Pets.

Heatherly’s chart (23:44) shows a hierarchy, with Steven R. Donaldson at the top as “Grand Poo-Bah” Below him is “Greedy Editor”, and below that the corporation is split into two competing corporations. One is headed by Lord Foul, who has Drool as a direct report, and Drool controls the ur-viles. On the other side are the “Ranny-nin”, who control the Manethrall, and who are connected to the Bloodguard and to Thomas Covenant, who is on the bottom.

Ann’s chart (24:29) has the Creator, AKA Blind Beggar AKA Steven R. Donaldson at the top as CEO. COO is the Readers. Majority shareholders are the inhabitants of the Land, the minority shareholder is Lord Foul, and the Fortune Magazine journalist is Thomas Covenant.

Charles says he didn’t draw a chart, but asks Heatherly to pass him some “emergency stuff” he brought. She passes him his backpack. Out of it he takes a jewelry box that he hands to Ann and asks her to open for the camera. She opens it (25:06) and looks at it for a moment before saying “oh shit”. Charles then points out that the metal of the wring is white gold, which Steven R. Donaldson describes as the keystone of the Arch of Time. He then continues in this vein for quite while (he’s clearly very nervous) but eventually gets around to actually asking Ann to marry him (26:32). She says yes at 26:52.

Julie says “well hopefully it won’t end like Joan!” (27:01). They all (including Cameraman Jenn) have a toast (27:05).

The “post-coital” segment begins at 27:08.

Julie says that her favorite part was when Charles proposed to Ann (27:19).

Heatherly says that’s her favorite part too (27:22).

Ann says the same (27:28).

Charles says that was also his favorite part (27:31), although he also liked the part where Covenant went on hunger strike (27:35).

The end credits feature shots from Charles proposing to Ann.

There’s no “Fantasy Bedtime Hour Productions” clip at the end of this episode.

###Words Defined
None.

###Firsts
First appearance of “Lilith”, 10:40
First appearance of Rustah, 11:43, and Grace, 11:46
First marriage proposal on the show, 25:06/26:32
First accepatance of a marriage proposal on the show, 26:52

Tags: annotated-fantasy-bedtime-hour, criticism, fantasy-bedtime-hour, television, writing

AFBH 23: Pages 324-331

Tadhg — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 04:48:19 +0000

Episode 23. Ambush—continued.

The exciting conclusion to the battle in the ruins of Soaring Woodhelven, and my first non-compilation expert appearance since Episode 1.
http://fantasybedtimehour.com/episodes/EP23.php

###Pages
324-331. Starts with “Then a swirl of battle swept toward Covenant’s trench” (p324), ends with “hot sparks that dazzled and singed the air” (p324).

###Expert
Tadhg O’Higgins

###Intro/Beginning

We see Heatherly and Julie asleep, Julie murmuring something about “it tickles”. She wakes up (02:04) and tells Heatherly that she had a really weird dream. Heatherly asks if it involved peanut butter, a really big pickle, and Cameraman Jenn. Julie says it didn’t and then says that she doesn’t have time to discuss it, since they’re reading pages 324-331. Heatherly says that that’s a lot of pages, and they go into the usual intro spiel.

###Analysis of Pages

Heatherly recaps that they left off mid-battle, with “Lord Mormon” in a battle with thirty or forty ur-viles. She begins this episode’s section with “Then a swirl of battle swept toward” Thomas Covenant (p324) (03:28). She describes Bannor fending off attacks from all sides, Prothall fighting the griffin, Foamfollower rusing from under a horde of Cavewights.

She then describes a Cavewight attack on Tamarantha that causes Covenant to get out of the trench and try to defend her. Heatherly stumbles on “inchoate” when she reads “inchoate rage roared in Covenant’s ears” (p326) (04:04). She describes how Covenant grabs Tamarantha’s staff and hits the Cavewight with it, then attacks more Cavewights.

She continues, describing how the company switch antagonists to gain advantage, Prothall moving to Foamfollower’s aid, Foamfollower attacking the grifin, and Prothall then helping “Mormon” against the ur-viles (p327) (04:33), and then describes how Foamfollower manages to kill the griffin and how the ur-viles and Cavewights flee soon after that. She says that Foamfollower “chased the fleers as if he meant to crush them all with his big giant feet” (05:11). The actual line is “chased the fleers as if he meant to crush them all underfoot” (p328).

Heatherly describes how Covenant emerges to find bodies everywhere, and says that there were a hundred Cavewights dead, ten ur-viles dead, five warriors dead, and only one Bloodguard dead (05:26).

Heatherly covers the aftermath of the battle, and reads Covenant’s line “he wants to milk us for all the despair we’re worth” (p330) (06:10), and his claim that Covenant tricked Drool into making the attack so that Drool wouldn’t be busy defending himself, so Foul must know what they’re doing even if Drool doesn’t.

She says that no-one was really listening to Covenant because “Mormon” just noticed that his parents were dead (06:35), and reads Covenant’s appalled reaction: “Do you mean to tell me that we—that I—we—? For a couple of corpses?” (p331) (06:38). She says that Prothall scowls at him and that a warrior tells him that if he speaks again he’ll break Covenant’s arm, to which Covenant says “Don’t touch me”.

Julie asks “what was up with Thomas Covenant? Did he just suddenly grow a pair of balls or what?” (07:37). She asks if Heatherly read that passage correctly, and Heatherly assures her that she did, that she read it four times. Julie says that Covenant killed an ur-vile, and Heatherly says no, he killed a Cavewight, and then three or four other Cavewights.

Heatherly then says that she doesn’t know what “inchoate rage” is, and tries a number of different pronunciations. Julie says that a viewer mailed in a site which covers words from the book, and the URL appears on screen (06:35):
http://theland.antgear.com/use.html

(This pagse covers a number of other obscure words, but inchoate is not on it).

Heatherly says that’s the best website ever, and Julie says “I know, it’s pretty ‘inch-o-hot-ay’” (08:42). They both then stare at the screen for quite some time before introducing the action sequence.

As Covenant watches the Cavewights overwhelm the Bloodguard who are watching over Tamarantha, he can’t bear it and rushes to protect her (p325). This distracts the Woodhelvennin who was protecting him, and she is caught by a sword thrust as a result, though Covenant doesn’t notice. He sees a Bloodguard give up his life to save Tamarantha from a Cavewight’s spear, and attacks the Cavewight Triock’s knife. This has no effect, and the Cavewight slaps him to the ground. Bannor defends Covenant but is grabbed by the Cavewight, which tries to squeeze the life out of him.

Covenant, enraged, grabs Tamarantha’s staff and hits the Cavewight with it, causing an explosion of “white and crimson power” (p326). Covenant’s rage, his use of a Lord’s staff, and the red infection of his ring combine to release the power of his ring. Covenant doesn’t remember putting the ring back on, but it is on his wedding finger. He is attacked by another Cavewight, kills it, and goes on to kill three more before falling into a trench.

As he lies there, the rest of the group alter their tactics, with Prothall first freeing Foamfollower from some Cavewights and then aiding Mhoram against the ur-vile loremaster while Foamfollower deals with the griffin. The Ranyhyn return and attack the Cavewights, and Prothall and Mhoram strike down the loremaster. Foamfollower kills the griffin and Quann its rider (p327). The ur-viles flee when Foamfollower charges into their wedge, and the Cavewights follow soon afterwards, with Foamfollower in pursuit.

In the aftermath, Prothall says that they are fortunate, which Covenant reacts to with incredulity. Prothall points out to him that they are still alive, having paid a fairly small price, and that by attacking Drool is not building his defenses (p329). Covenant, however, does not feel fortunate, but is appalled that he has killed five Cavewights, and is convinced that Foul planned the entire affair. He tells the rest of the group this and likens it to what was done to Llaura, saying “Foul is telling us what he’s doing to us because he’s sure that knowing won’t help. He wants to milk us for all the despair we’re worth” (p330). Covenant insists that it is all part of Foul’s plan, and demands to know why his words are going unheeded, when Mhoram reveals that Tamarantha and Variol are dead. A warrior protests, saying that no weapon touched them, but they are indeed dead, both smiling.

Covenant, in shock, asks “Do you mean to tell me that we—that I—we—? For a couple of corpses?” (p331), and Quaan threatens him for his insensitivity.

In this passage Covenant consciously wields the power of the ring for the first time. He does so in anger, and he kills using it. In using it, he is aided by Lord Foul, who has somehow added red to Covenant’s ring. This coloration is not merely decorative, but in fact makes it easier for Covenant to activate the ring’s powers. It may also make the ring harder to control once active.

Covenant is disgusted by the fact that he has killed, and shocked by it. It seems clear that he felt it might have been justifiable in defense of Tamarantha and Variol, but this rationale crumbles when he discovers that they were already dead. His outburst “For a couple of corpses?” doesn’t mean “we went through all that for a couple of corpses?” but rather “I killed to protect a couple of corpses?”

Variol and Tamarantha choosing that place and time for their deaths is very odd. Prothall implies that they chose it to aid the company, but his claim that they were a distraction to their enemies doesn’t make a great deal of sense given the description of the battle and how much effort the Bloodguard went to in order to protect them. Furthermore, their not communicating their plan to anyone meant that the company could hardly take proper advantage of it. It is possible that they foresaw how the battle would go if they did what they did, and decided that it was the best course, but this is never made explicitly clear.

###Key Misunderstandings

Covenant is able to kill the Cavewights using the power of his ring.

Covenant is aided by Lord Foul’s red infection of the ring in activating its power.

Covenant is appalled at having killed, and outraged that he was driven to kill in defense of two people who were already dead.

###Action Sequence

The Fantasy Action Sequence begins at 09:00.

We see Llaura in a scene from the previous action sequence, as she warns the company of the ambush. The recap ends at 09:34, and the Fantasy Action Sequence proper for this episode begins.

It opens with Prothall yelling instructions to the warriors, and we see Bannor fighting an ur-vile. A Batman-style “WHACK!” appears (09:47), followed by “Splat!!!” and “Z-ZWAP”, and then we see Covenant and Llaura lying in grass nearby, watching the battle. The battle scene continues with more on-screen sound effect words—including “UNCLEAN!!” (10:07) and “WHO’S YOUR DADDY?!!” (10:18).

“Lord Mormon” knocks the ur-vile leader to the ground (10:45), prompting the remaining ur-viles to squabble about who should face him next before one of them picks up the dual-blade lightsaber and attacks.

After more fighting, there is this scrolling text (11:41):

> pg. 324
>
> “Through the dark flash
> of legs Thomas Covenant
> caught a glimpse of
> Prothal [sic] and saw that
> the High Lord was
> under attack…
>
> …he strove with
> the GRIFFON.”

After this, we see Prothall fighting with a masked humanoid figure with wings on its back and long claws. It appears to be wearing a long red boa around its neck. It dodges all of Prothall’s attacks and appears to be getting the better of him.

We then see two Bloodguard, “Bob” and Bannor, still guarding Tamarantha and “Valium” (12:05). Bannor looks alert, but “Bob” is relaxed and smoking a cigarette. A horde of ur-viles advance on the two prone Lords, and Covenant cries “they’re gonna kill Valium and Tamarantha!” and jumps up (12:18). With on-screen “action phrases” of “DON’T TOUCH ME I’M A LEPER!!” and “HELLFIRE AND DAMNATION”, Covenant rushes a Cavewight, discards the knife he’s carrying, and grabs Tamarantha’s staff. He knocks over the Cavewight (12:35), and then we see Prothall falling under the assault of the “griffin”. As the “griffin” looks at Prothall on the ground, Foamfollower rushes up behind it, grabs it, and kills it, presumably by breaking its neck (12:51).

Watching Foamfollower curse after killing it, the remaining ur-viles/Cavewights say “oh shit, they killed the griffin—run away!” and proceed to flee (13:05), pursued by Foamfollower, who brandishes his two suitcases and shouts “Stone and Sea, motherfuckers, Stone and fucking Sea!”.

This is followed by scrolling text (13:18):

> pg. 326
>
> “Thomas Covenant…
> Howling FOUL struck down
> another cavewight,
>
>
> and another
>
>
> and another.”

We see Covenant attacking another Cavewight, and as with the first one, he “attacks” by repeatedly striking the ground with Tamarantha’s staff, which eventually causes the creature to collapse.

More scrolling text (13:40):

> pg. 328
>
> “A cry of faiure broke
> through the attack.
>
> The cavewights began
> to run.”

After this, Prothall surveys the area and says “We are fortunate” (it must be noted that the action sequences have “Lord Mormon” taking more and more of Lord Prothall’s lines), and Covenant replies “Fortunate? This is all Foul’s doing! He wants to milk us for all we’re worth! Pah, fortunate” (14:02).

“Lord Mormon” then goes over to his parents, checks their pulses, and says “They’re dead! Variol and Tamarantha are dead! My parents are dead!” (14:12). He continues with “My god! A child should never have to outlive his parents!” and then starts crynig.

Covenant says “You mean we did all this for a couple of corpses?” (14:28), prompting Bannor to say “if you speak again, I’ll break your arm.” Covenant responds “Don’t touch me, I’m a leper!” (14:35).

The Fantasy Action Sequence ends at 14:38

###Expert

After the action sequence, we see Heatherly crying. Julie asks her what’s wrong, and she says that she misses me, that I’m supposed to be their Resident Expert and they haven’t seen me in, like, forever. Julie then tells her that I’m the expert for that episode (14:56).

The word “Dervish” appears alone on the screen (15:00).

I appear a moment later, at 15:01. I am wearing the expert jacket. They do not ask me anything about how many times I’ve read or understood Lord Foul’s Bane, instead Julie gets right to the question “what’s a dervish?”, referencing its appearance in the book (p324) (15:09). I say that a dervish is a Middle Eastern warrior, and that the typical movement associated with them is spinning. (In actual fact, while the spinning association is correct, dervishes are not necessarily warriors, but rather members of various Islamic orders.)

The word “inchoate” appears alone on the screen (15:33).

Again referencing its appearance in the book (p326), Julie asks what “in-cho-hat-ay” is (15:42). I correct her pronunciation and define it as formless, or unformed.

The word “deluged” appears alone on the screen (16:02).

Referencing its appearance in the text (p324), Heatherly asks what “deluged” means. I tell her that a deluge is normally a vast amount of water that falls or rushes in. Julie asks if you could have an “in-ko-hat-ay” deluge, and whether you could fight like an “in-ko-hat-ay deluge dervish” (16:54). After prompting from Heatherly, I grudgingly say “I suppose one could, it would be quite a sight to see” (17:10).

Julie then asks me how many people or things I think died in the battle (17:19). Their answer of 115 appears on the screen as I consider the question. I say I’m not really sure, but I think it would be in the tens, at which point they gleefully tell me that I’m wrong. Julie asks me how many Bloodguard died, and I say “one” (17:45). I say that I’m surprised that there were 115 deaths. I want to see the evidence, so Heatherly finds it and says that on the very bottom of page 328 there are lines referring to ten dead ur-viles, five dead warriors, and nearly a hundred Cavewights (18:27). At this point I say that some of those Cavewights were merely unconscious, and that the line is “nearly a hundred of them, comma, dead, dying, unconscious”. Julie then claims that I said it was ten, I say it was “in the tends, less than a hundred”, which neither of them believe.

Heatherly drinks NyQuil as I say “I still think it’s in the tens, well, no, that’s probably not true, it probably is over a hundred—” (19:06), and then Julie interrupts me to ask why the company didn’t kill the Cavewights that they found that weren’t mortally wounded. I say “because they’ve sworn the Oath of Peace and they won’t kill except in self-defense” (19:22).

Heatherly says that this answers their next question, which is about whether the Oath of Peace allows self-defense. I say that clearly, since they defend themselves in the passage, they’re able to defend themselves. Julie then asks me if the ur-viles take the Oath of Peace too, and I say “no” (19:42). She asks if they take the “oath of hate”, and I say I don’t think so. Heatherly and Julie then discuss what the “oath of hate” would be like, whether it’s the Oath of Peace played backwards, or whether it’s an antonym for peace that makes up their oath, and I say it would be war. Julie then asks what the opposite of oath is (20:11), and I say I’m not sure.

Juliana comments on the fact that Covenant suddenly “grew balls” and killed a bunch of ur-viles (which he didn’t—he killed Cavewights). I say that he was pushed into a situation where he unleashed the wild magic, that the wild magic comes from his white gold ring, and that his rage and Tamarantha’s staff let him activate the ring (20:59). I then say that he should be nervous about using the wild magic, because the wild magic has the power to shatter the Arch of Time. Julie asks me what the Arch of Time is, and I say “the Arch of Time is like the shell, or structure, that the Land, and possibly the earth, the cosmology is a little unclear, exists in. And Foul has been trapped in the Land by the Arch of Time” (21:35). Heatherly comes up with an oyster shell analogy that I say isn’t exactly correct.

Julie asks whether it’s Drool or Foul who’s trapped, and I say that it’s Foul, that Drool is a much smaller player, and that Foul wants to shatter the Arch of Time so that he can escape from what he sees as his prison. Julie asks why they need the Arch of Time in the first place, and I say that Time gives structure to the Land (and possibly to the Earth, also). Julie asks me how he got trapped there, and I say he was trapped there when it was created but I’m not sure of the details. Julie asks me if we could get trapped in the Arch of Time, and I reply “well, one could say that we are trapped in the Arch of Time, in this particular cosmology” (22:28). Julie says she doesn’t think she likes that, and I say “perhaps you should side with Foul, who’s trying to shatter the Arch of Time, which would incidentally destroy the Land (and possibly the Earth).

Julie then asks how you know you’re trapped in the Arch of Time, if it’s like being able to see everything but not interact with it. I say no, that for us, if we were in the Land, it would be our normal existence. For Foul, Foul is some kind of other-dimensional or supra-dimensional being. Julie asks if he has form, and I say he has form, at which point Julie says that their expert Jason said that Foul didn’t have any form, that he was just two slitty eyes (23:06). I reply that “two slitty eyes” is still a form. (Jason actually said that Foul doesn’t seem to have corporeal form.)

Heatherly suggests drawing charts of what makes Lord Foul happy, and I say that nothing makes Foul happy, that it would just be an empty chart, and they tell me to just draw that on my chart.

Chart-writing starts at 23:32, on the topic of “What makes Lord Foul happy?”.

Chart-writing ends at 24:32.

Julie’s chart (24:39) shows Wal-Mart superstores with McDonald’s in them, hot lesbian porn, a popsicle on a hot day, and an arrowhead, as she thinks that Lord Foul probably collects arrowheads. Heatherly comments that she thought the arrowhead was a butt plug.

Heatherly’s chart (24:59) shows “things that other people likes”, kitty-cats, a bunny rabbit, birthday cakes, balloons, unicorns, a stick pegasus, some hugs and kisses, and a really sharp meat cleaver.

My chart is in two parts, as it folds open. The first part is what makes Lord Foul mad (25:19), and it shows Lord Foul as “a slitty-eyes formless collection of strokes” being trapped in the Arch of Time. What makes him happy (25:49) is shattering the Arch of Time, thus freeing himself.

The “post-coital” segment begins at 25:58.

Julie says that her favorite part was when they found out what “in-cho-hat-ay” means (26:22). I wince and don’t correct her.

Heatherly says that her favorite part was a combination of when Foamfollower “kicked a lot of ass” and when Covenant charged into the fray (26:47).

I say that my favorite part would also be when Covenant attacked the Cavewights (27:06).

After we say goodbye, we see Heatherly and Julie again. Heatherly is reading Lord Foul’s Bane and looking perplexed. Julie announces that “now our viewers can rent us”. Heatherly says she’s not sure she’s comfortable with that, and Julie produces a Fantasy Bedtime Hour DVD and says “no, our DVDs”, and tells viewers in San Francisco that they can be rented at Le Video on 9th Avenue between Lincoln and Irving.

The end credits feature “Lord Mormon’s” lascivious facial expressions, presumably as he’s applying the “hurtloam” to Llaura.

###Words Defined
Dervish: A member of one of a number of Islamic religious orders whose rituals include spinning and dancing. Incorrectly defined by me as a Middle Eastern warrior whose characteristic movement is spinning.
Inchoate: Not yet fully formed. I defined it as “unformed” or “formless” in this episode.
Deluge: A large flood or rush of water.

###Firsts
First action sequence with “Previously on Fantasy Bedtime Hour”, 09:03
First mention of the DVDs, 27:47

Tags: annotated-fantasy-bedtime-hour, criticism, fantasy-bedtime-hour, television, writing

AFBH 22: Pages 315-325

Tadhg — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 06:59:48 +0000

Episode 22. Ambush.

The company comes under attack.
http://fantasybedtimehour.com/episodes/EP22.php

###Pages
315-325. Starts with “the woman vacillated between lucidity and incoherence” (approximately) (p315), ends with “hot sparks that dazzled and singed the air” (p324).

###Expert
Barbara

###Intro/Beginning

Heatherly starts out by saying that the next Fantasy Action Sequence will be amazing because of what’s going on in the book. Julie asks what she’s reading, and Heatherly says it’s Lord Foul’s Bane, to which Julie says it looks surprisingly like the version that just got signed by Steven R. Donaldson—and then produces that signed version (02:18). She reads the inscription: “To the girls who cannot hope.” (This appears to be a reference to my inscription from Episode 15, in turn a reference to the title of the second chapter of Lord Foul’s Bane, “You Cannot Hope”.)

Heatherly asks where she got it signed, Julie says “Borders”, and Heatherly complains about not being invited along. Cameraman Jenn then shows her Jenn’s signed copy of The Runes of the Earth (02:36). They then look at the Steven R. Donaldson’s photo at the back of The Runes of the Earth and comment that he’s hot.

They then give the usual spiel, with Heatherly annoyed that they didn’t bring her along to the signing (they claim that she was passed out).

###Analysis of Pages

A number of times during this reading, the camera switches from one side of the bed to the other, and catches the girls off guard, necessitating their turning around once they notice.

Heatherly says that there’s so much going on in this part of the book. She recaps that they had just gone to “Flaming Woodhelven”, which was in flames and that they had dug trenches to bury the dead Woodhelven, and then they have lunch, and then two Bloodguard find a woman and a boy alive (04:10). Covenant recognizes the woman as Llaura (p316) (04:20).

Heatherly describes how Llaura can’t seem to speak coherently, and that Prothall asks her a number of yes/no questions, and that they give her some hurtloam (p319) (04:51)—and when that works, she starts screaming that it’s an ambush (p320) (05:00). Heatherly describes the reaction of the company as “freaking the fuck out”, but in fact they mount a relatively orderly defense at that point, except for Covenant, Tamarantha, and Variol. Heatherly describes their defensive preparations, but presents them as panic rather than anything else.

She says that Covenant just stood there (05:42), thinking about how much Lord Foul is just evil, and that Covenant notices that Tamarantha and Variol are not hiding.

She describes the advance of the Cavewights and ur-viles, and says “there was a griffin, too!” (06:48), to which Julie says “sweet!”, and Covenant’s cowering in the trenches. She then recounts how Prothall and Mhoram attack the enemy with their staffs (p322) (07:21), causing the ur-viles and Cavewights to fall back. She also reads “the company was outnumbered ten to one” (p323) (07:57). They get confused by the line Prothall shouting “warnings and orders about him”, thinking that it means “about himself” rather than “around him” (8:12), before continuing to describe how Foamfollower fought alone.

She continues with how Tamarantha and Variol are still alone, and how Mhoram struggled against the ur-viles and their loremaster (p324) (09:08), then ends the reading with “the rest is ‘to be continued’”.

As the “The Analysis?” title comes up on screen, Heatherly says the doesn’t feel like doing an analysis right now (09:19), and Julie calls her a dotard, and they back and forth calling each other dotards until Julie suggests that they should just watch the action sequence (09:31), and Heatherly assents.

They skip over the fact that the child, Pietten son of Soranal, has clearly been harmed in some odd way. Furthermore, what disturbs Covenant the most about their ambush and Llaura’s inability to properly warn them, is the fact that it was mostly unnecessary—Foul could have simply attacked, but he set the whole thing up to let them know how helpless they are, to push them towards despair (p320).

The company hides in the trenches to lure the attackers in, and this succeeds fairly well. The Cavewights think that only the company’s horses are their prize, and are disappointed (p322). It is significant that Covenant takes a very pessimistic view, “the whole company was helpless in the trenches” (p322). Clearly, they are far from helpless, as they attack shortly thereafter. Their odds are poor, but Prothall and Mhoram are powerful, and Foamfollower and the Bloodguard are also powerful combatants. The Bloodguard, however, are hampered by having to protect Tamarantha and Variol, who are lying in the middle of the combat. Mhoram struggles against the ur-viles, combined behind their loremaster; Prothall struggles with the griffin, which is protected from Prothall’s magic by an ur-vile riding it and fending off Prothall’s attacks; Foamfollower is overwhelmed by the sheer numbers of Cavewights (p325).

###Key Misunderstandings

Llaura’s affliction is part of a devious but unnecessary setup by Lord Foul.

Llaura has been ensorcelled by the ur-vile loremaster, and does not have Tourette’s Syndrome.

Prothall questions Llaura, not Mhoram.

Prothall is giving orders and warnings around him from the center of the battle.

###Action Sequence

The Fantasy Action Sequence begins at 09:28.

It opens with the following scrolling text (09:53):

> pg. 314
>
> “most of the warriers [sic]
> were done eating,
> and the sun
> was about to set,
> when their
> attention was
> snatched erect
> by a distant hail.”

We then see the company staggering around, and then two Bloodguard bringing Pietten and Llaura to the main group (10:02). Covenant looks at them (10:10), and Pietten then repeats “the horror” (subtitled) several times to him. From 10:29-10:44 Covenant has a flashback to Episode 11, Llaura beating him with the “lominator”. Llaura tries to tell them what happened, but has a lot of trouble doing so, prompting Bannor to say that she might have Tourette’s Syndrome (10:59). She collapses as she tries to talk to them, and is grabbed by “Lord Mormon”, who holds her head tightly while saying “nod your head to answer me” (11:19). The fourth question he asks deviates from the text: “did they take your medication?”.

Prothall asks her for a physical description of the ur-vile master (11:43), clearly a ridiculous request given that she can barely speak. He tries to get her to sign, or to describe with her face. “Lord Mormon” continues with better questions, including “did he prevent you from speaking certain things? (11:57). “Lord Valium” appears with Vick’s Baby Rum that he claims is hurtloam (12:14). “Lord Mormon” then proceeds to rub this on Llaura’s breasts while the rest of the company watches.

After a fadeout, Llaura is smoking a cigarette (12:51), and then recovers enough to tell them that it’s an ambush. This prompts panic, particularly from “Lord Valium”, who starts running around asking what they should do. The whole company runs around while Tamarantha and “Lord Variol” lie down on a blanket (13:37). This prompts “Lord Mormon” to tell them they can’t go to bed right then, and then two Bloodguard stand over them (13:46).

This is followed by scrolling text (13:49):

> pg. 321
>
> “Covenant rusked a glance…
>
> and saw the glade
> surrounded by
> black forms and
> hot laval eyes.”

We then see the ur-viles (13:53), and battle is joined. Prothall shouts what sound like useless commands (“attack”, “get him”). “Lord Mormon” shouts “I call upon the power of the Earth! The Stone Lions! Anyone? Anyone?” (14:23). Foamfollower charges in wielding his two red suitcases (14:29), followed by one of the white “Ranynyn”. He is beaten to the ground (14:58), but recovers and scatters the ur-viles before him with the suitcases.

There is a cut to scrolling text (15:11):

> pg. 324
>
> “Meanwhile Covenant
> found Mormon waging a
> weird contest with
> thirty or forty
> ur-viles.”

We see “Lord Mormon” fighting with what is presumably the ur-vile leader (he is wielding the “Darth Maul” two-bladed lightsaber), and then there is a cut to “To be continued…”

The Fantasy Action Sequence ends at 15:25.

###Expert

The expert is Barbara, who appears on screen at 15:41. She is wearing the expert jacket. She has read Lord Foul’s Bane three or four times (16:23) and understood it almost once (16:29).

Heatherly asks what was going on with “Lord Valium” and Tamarantha lying down on a blanket for the whole thing (16:45). Barbara says that they knew they were going to die, and that they wanted to sacrifice themselves so that resources weren’t wasted to protect them. (Which, it must be noted, failed utterly if that had been their intent, as the Bloodguard and others had to struggle mightily to protect them, at significant tactical disadvantage.) Heatherly points out that the group did waste resources to protect them, and Julie calls it “the lamest shit I’ve ever heard (17:36).

Julie then asks what the deal was with Foamfollower and “that luggage” (17:42) and his berserker-like attack. Barbara ignores the “luggage” aspect and says that Foamfollower had “some issues”, and that the Giants deep at heart are very violent creatures who keep themselves tame most of the time.

They then speculate on what “Giantish curses” sound like, but don’t come up with anything. They ask Barbara if, if she were a Giant, her battle cry would have anything to do with her cleavage.

Heatherly asks if, when Foamfollower threw Llaura and Pietten into the ditch and covered them with the iron plate, he crushed and killed them (19:07). Barbara tells her no, that he was hiding them. Julie comments that the ‘trench’ was really a grave, that it’s a scary place to hide people, and that they should have just thrown Tamarantha and “Valium” into a grave (19:29), and Heatherly says it would have been nicer if they themselves had thrown themselves into a grave. Barbara agrees with this, and then Julie suggests that they should have smothered each other with pillows (19:40).

Julie goes over how Llaura was unable to speak until they treat her with hurtloam, and asks about the nature of hurtloam, and compares it to a variety of modern pharmaceutical products, and then asks if that really cures Tourette’s (20:35). Barbara points out that it can cure leprosy, and so it should be able to cure Tourette’s. Julie is impressed and says it must be a crazy healing thing “like Neosporrin“.

Julie then asks “what’s up with that kid? He’s Soranal’s kid” (20:53). Barbara says that they did something to him, and essentially “fried his brain” (21:17). Heatherly and Julie are sympathetic to his plight, and Heatherly says that even though Thomas Covenant is a whiny little bitch, she’s pissed off and wants the quest succeed, because its enemies do things like burning down “Flaming Woodhelven” (21:42). Julie says she wants the quest to succeed too, but that she’s forgotten what the point of it is (21:50). Barbara reminds her that it’s to get the Staff of Law, and that if they get that, they get “an extra few years”.

Heatherly asks Barbara what a griffin is (22:04). Julie claims that she asked this in the previous episode, although I think Heatherly actually asked Len the definition of kresh. Barbara defines it as half-eagle, half-lion. Julie asks how that occurs in nature, whether lions and eagles have sex, and Barbara says it takes a lot of alcohol to get it done. Julie then jokes about Lord Foul’s evil laboratory, where animals are drunk and crossbreeding.

They start chart-writing at 23:23, on the topic of “What do you think the standard of beauty is for ur-viles?”.

Chart-writing ends at 24:07.

After chart-writing, Heatherly and Julie are both staring at Barbara’s cleavage. Heatherly asks Julie whose boobs she thinks are bigger, this expert or the last female expert they had. Julie says that’s a tough question, that they both had a very ample set of boobs. Then Cameraman Jenn says “Girls? Charts” (24:25) and they return their attention to the charts.

Julie’s chart (24:35) shows a somewhat demon-looking figure. She says that the ur-vile standard is a combination of a square jaw and a cleft chin, with lipstick and a monocle and top hat, and that asymmetry is key for the ur-viles, as are body hair, stink lines, flies, and tattoos (her drawing has a tattoo, in the shape of a heart, reading “HATE”).

Heatherly’s chart (25:16) shows two similar-looking heads, both somewhat demonic and cheerful in aspect, and she says that she focused on the difference between male and female ur-viles. She posits that the male ur-viles have broader noses, more nose hair, and two sharp fangs, while the female has a longer and thinner nose, much less nose hair, and three sharp fangs. Julie says that they look like theater masks.

Barbara’s chart (26:02) shows a “Miss Ur-Vile” contest. It features three lizard-like figures. They have tails and scales and are wearing swimsuits. The winners have a lot of cleavage and horns. The third figure, the loser, is described as cute and fluffy and has a bow in her hair and not a lot of cleavage.

The “post-coital” segment begins at 26:38.

Julie says that her favorite part of pagse 314-324 was when they found out where griffins come from (27:04).

Heatherly says that her favorite part was when Foamfollower went “totally aggro and let out that battle cry and started totally kicking ass (27:18).

Barbara says that her favorite part was when Foamfollower threw them in the grave and covered them with the iron (27:31)—at which point the main picture of Berek on the wall behind her falls on her head. Julie says “I take it back, that’s my favorite part” (27:37).

The end credits feature “Lord Mormon’s” lascivious facial expressions, presumably as he’s applying the “hurtloam” to Llaura.

There’s no “Fantasy Bedtime Hour Productions” clip at the end of this episode.

###Words Defined
griffin: lion-like beast with wings. This is presented in the book as a word from the Land, and the definition is from the Lord Foul’s Bane glossary, p477. It is also an English word, meaning a mythical beast that has a lion’s body and the wings and head of an eagle (Barbara defines it as half-eagle, half-lion).

###Firsts
First episode without “The Analysis” section, 09:37
FIrst action sequence to end with “To be continued…”, 15:25

Tags: annotated-fantasy-bedtime-hour, criticism, fantasy-bedtime-hour, television, writing

AFBH 21: Pages 281-314

Tadhg — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 06:52:24 +0000

Episode 21. Halloween episode.

Covenant stepping in the ill of the earth.
http://fantasybedtimehour.com/episodes/EP21.php

###Pages
281-314. Starts with “Then he heard Lord Mhoram’s agonized whisper” (approximately) (p286), ends with “the High Lord insisted” (p314).

###Expert
Len

###Intro/Beginning

The episode opens with Heatherly drinking from a vodka bottle, and both Heatherly and Julie wearing elements of costumes. Heatherly has cat ears, and Julie has bats on her head. There’s a knock at the door (02:02), and Heatherly and Julie are both excited at the prospect of trick-or-treaters. A person covered in a large white sheet appears, and Julie asks if they’re supposed to be a ghost, then offers them a bowl full of beer cans. The “ghost” takes four. The next trick-or-treater is Adult Gladiator. Heatherly offers him a piece of candy and then drops it into her cleavage (02:49). They start making out, while Julie says “Well, that was unexpected!” (02:58) before telling Heatherly they don’t have time for it because they’re reading pages 281 to 314.

After a fadeout and fadein, Julie introduces the episode with the usual spiel while Heatherly continues to make out with Adult Gladiator.

###Analysis of Pages

After another cut, Adult Gladiator is gone, and Heatherly says “Oh my god, Julie, we have like an assload of pages to cover”, to which Julie says “I know!” (03:52).

Heatherly says that they start to get really freaked out because the full moon is about to rise, and it’s been rising blood red (03:59). Then she says that Covenant keeps stepping in the ‘ill of the earth’, which he can only feel through his boots and which gets worse and worse until it makes him pass out (p297) (04:16). She says that “Mormon” holds Covenant until he has another attack, which he can feel through Covenant, and discovers that Drool Rockworm is tracking Covenant, and sending these attacks at him, through the boots because he can use the Staff of Law to do this since the boots are not of the Land. She says that the Lords confiscate all of Covenant’s clothing and give him a white robe (p300) (05:05).

She continues with the awakening of the party as Foamfollower says they are being hunted by wolves and ur-viles. She recounts Foamfollower and Mhoram’s explanation to Covenant of what the party is doing, that by confusing Drool they might convince him that they are about to attack and that Covenant has mastered the power of the white gold (p303) (05:49).

She then describes how they reach the Mithil River and meet Korik, and his detailing his journey, the encounter with kresh, ur-viles, and a griffin, and his display of the odd one-eyed hawk that they had killed (p306) (06:35).

She continues with the party’s discovery that Soaring Woodhelven is in flames, and the report of their scouts that Soaring Woodhelven has been entirely burned down. She describes how the corpses littered the ground, and how the company started to bury the bodies. She says that Prothall calls the group together and insists that they eat, despite none of them having any desire to eat due to their circumstances (p314). She finishes the reading with “so, they all had lunch” (07:23)

Heatherly says that she’s getting really conufed about who’s on the quest and how they relate with one another (07:42). Julie says she wrote an elaborate chart to address this very question. Julie’s chart (07:51) is a lot of circles connected by lines. Each circle has name in it. The central name in the chart is “High Lord Prothall (son of Dwillian)”. Julie says that related to Prothall are the “dotard parents Tamarantha and Valium”, and that “Mormon” is “Valium’s” son. She covers Saltheart Foamfollower, “Tuvok”, “Bloodguard #3 ‘Bob’” (marked as ‘expendable’), Bannor, “Ranny-nin #1, #2, #3″, and Thomas Covenant, who is marked out as a leper and as “Not Related! Stranger in the Land!” (08:34).

Heatherly asks how Lord Foul fits, and Julie flips over the chart to show another (08:42), with fewer circles, the main circle representing Lord Foul, who owns the griffin, controls Drool Rockworms, controls the ur-viles, and also controls Ravi Shankar “whom he likes”.

After the departure of the quest, Covenant spends days dealing with saddle soreness. When he has adjusted somewhat, Mhoram asks him about his world. Covenant’s description is almost entirely negative: he thinks of diseases and disorders and crimes, but then describes his world as being a place where inhabitants do not appreciate the beauty of their surroundings—that to them, beauty is nice, but something extra, something they can live without (p284). Foamfollower then asks hwo they resist despair, and Covenant replies that he doesn’t think they do, that some of them are just stubborn. After that, Mhoram doesn’t ask him for further details.

The party is dismayed by the full moon, which is entirely red. Covenant is shocked to see that his white gold ring looks infected by the redness, and while he is trying to deal with this, he is hit by the “ill” that comes through his boots. In an attempt to escape this, he plunges towards the fire, but is snatched from it by Bannor (p287). He points at the ground where he felt it, and the Lords attempt to detect it. Prothall and Birinair feel it briefly, and are outraged. After Covenant explains that he can only feel it through is boots, the Lords are also perplexed, and says that Mhoram or Prothall must remain at his side at all times (p290). The attacks continued throughout that day and the next. At the end of the next day, Covenant asks Mhoram about the Creator, and Mhoram says they know almost nothing of him. Tamarantha corrects him, and says that the Creator lives, and tells a legend of creation (p293).

The legend is that the Creator toiled to make the Earth, first making the Arch of Time for his creation to have a place in which to be, and making the wild magic the cornerstone of that Arch so that Time could witstand chaos. Then he created the Earth, trying many times to get it right, and then finally creating inhabitants, “beings to act out in their lives his reach for perfection—and he did not neglect to give them the means to strive for perfection themselves” (p294). But when he thought that he was done, he looked more carefully and saw in his creations powerful forces that could destroy the entire world he had made. The legend is unclear as to whether “Despite” was within the Creator, or whether the Despiser was another being, but the Creator struggled with it and cast it down onto the Earth. This resulted in the Despiser being trapped within the Arch of Time, so that he was free to reign on Earth, but where the Creator could not undo what he did without destroying Time (or, presumably, without the Creator also becoming trapped in Time). So the Creator can help in indirect ways only, such as aiding Berek in the creation of the Staff of Law, but cannot stop the Despiser from acting on Earth without freeing him.

After she tells this she connects it to Covenant’s appearance in the Land, and says, “if we cannot win this Unbeliever to our cause, then the Earth will end in rubble” (p295).

This legend provides background for the entire story. It appears to be quite accurate, in that Lord Foul is immensely powerful (and was able to survive the Desecration, for example), and explains to some extent why no equally powerful countervailing force is working against Foul directly. There are strong hints that Covenant has in fact met the Creator, or an agent of the Creator, in the form of the beggar who tells him “you need not fail” (p28)—for example, when discussing the Creator on page 270, Covenant thinks of the beggar.

Covenant is not attacked via his boots for the rest of the day, but the attacks return the day after, and eventually Mhoram decrees that they will go no further until they understand what is happening (p298). By suffering through an attack with Covenant, Mhoram is able to discern that Drool Rockworm is reaching out to touch Covenant via the Staff, and that he can sense Covenant’s boots because they are not of the Land (p299). They insist that Covenant give up his own clothes, and give him a white robe to wear instead. They put his old clothes into his saddlebags, which seems odd—why won’t Drool still be able to detect them, and thereby track their movements?

The next night, Covenant is woken by Foamfollower, who warns him that they must go because wolves and ur-viles are near. Foamfollower and Mhoram explain to Covenant that they will split the party, sending Korik and five others to act as decoys. They do this, and then the main party leaves, riding for four days to the Mithil River. There Korik’s party rejoins them, and informs them that they lost a woman, Irin, while trying to escape a group of ur-viles, Cavewights, and a griffin. Korik then shows them a mutant hawk that they shot down, a hawk with just one large eye. Prothall says that this is clearly the work of the Illearth Stone (p306).

The next day, they discover that Soaring Woodhelven is aflame (p309). When they reach it, they find only corpses, and Birinair is able to discern what happened, that ur-viles and Cavewights set the tree alight under cover of an iron plate. and prevented the Woodhelvennin from putting out the flames. When the Woodhelvennin attempted to escape, the superior ur-vile and Cavewight force killed them, and then the ur-vile loremaster destroyed the tree—dying in the process (p312). Foamfollower rages that this is the doing of Soulcrusher, that no Cavewight is so strategically clever. Quaan asks why they would attack Soaring Woodhelven, but is not given an answer. Prothall sets the group to work burying the dead, and Covenant makes stakes to help the diggers. Prothall calls a halt to the work in the afternoon and insists the the group has some food (p314).

###Key Misunderstandings

It is Drool Rockworm, not Lord Foul, who is attacking Covenant via his boots.

Soaring Woodhelven was burned by ur-viles and Cavewights.

###Action Sequence

The Fantasy Action Sequence begins at 09:00.

It opens with a shot of a blood-red moon, overlaid with scrolling text:

> pg. 286
>
> “The moon was full
> red, stained as if
> defilement were
> complete.”
>
>
> pg. 291
>
> “Covenant…distrusted
> the ground, dreaded
> contact with it.
>
> Blind silent soil
> had become a dark
> hand malevolently
> seeking out him…
> he set foot on the
> ground and was stung”

We then see the company walking through woods, and Covenant crying out in pain, falling to his knees, and saying “my feet!” (09:28). As he writhes on the ground, the rest of the company walks on, apparently ignoring him.

This happens again, with Covenant cursing vociferously as the company more or less ignores this until Tamarantha asks “what’s wrong with Covenant?” (09:54) and “Lord Valium” replies “drinky drinky”.

This happens a third time, to no reaction, and a fourth, at which point “Lord Mormon” says “Halt! This has gone on too long. We must discover the reason for Thomas Covenant’s affliction” (10:29).

We then see “Lord Mormon” and Covenant hand-in-hand, taking slow, deliberate, synchronized steps. At the fourth step, Covenant cries out and collapses (10:42), and “Mormon” says that it is the ill of the earth. He puts his hand to Covenant’s head, and asthe rest of the group looks on says that he senses a biped, prompting “Lord Valium” to say “chopsticks”, and they play a guessing game until one of the white Ranyhyn neighs (subtitled) “Drool Rockworm”, at which point “Lord Mormon” says “Yes!”, and then they move on to trying to guess what the “something wooden” is, until Tamarantha gets it with “the Staff of Law” (11:31). “Lord Mormon” then says “Lord Foul has been tracking us all along!” and produces a beeping tracking devices from inside Covenant’s clothes (11:41). It has “property of Lord Foul” written on the back (11:44).

“Lord Mormon” says “we’ve got to get him out of these clothes!” (11:47), at which Covenant asks “what? Why?” and “Lord Valium” rips his jacket and shirt off. This is followed by scrolling text (11:57):

> pg. 300
>
> “The trial ahd been
> too much for him.
> So he did not see
> how carefully his
> clothes were removed…
>
> …how tenderl he was
> dressed in a robe
> of white samite.”

(The beeping that had started at the discovery of the “tracking device” ends at 12:00)

This is followed by “Lord Mormon” throwing a robe at Covenant and saying “Covenant! Put these on. And for the love of Lord Dwillian, someone get this man some clean underwear!” (12:05)—a reference to Episode 18’s discussion of Covenant’s underwear.

This is followed by scrolling text (12:09):

> pg 301
>
> “Finally he went
> to bed.
>
> He was awakend [sic] some
> time later by a hand
> on his shoulder.”

We then see Foamfollower waking Covenant, warning him that ur-viles and wolves pursue them and that they must go. And laughing (12:30). This is followed by more scrolling text:

> pg. 303
>
> “It took the company
> four more days of
> hard riding…
>
> to reach the
> Mithil River.”

This is followed by shots of the company riding hard intercut with a hand taking dates off a calendar.

Covenant asks “Foamfollower! Where are the Bloodguard?” (13:05) and Foamfollower tells him that they’ve sent the Bloodguard to distract the wolves, which will confuse Lord Foul, and convince him that they’ve mastered the power of the white gold. And laughs, and says “blah blah blah”, and is interrupted by “Lord Valium” saying “Look! It’s the Mithil River!” (13:42). The black and orange Rayhyn neighs (subtitled) “Look! It’s the Blood Guard [sic]!”.

The Bloodguard rejoin the party, and “Bloodguard Bob” tells them that they killed wolves and valkyries and ur-viles, and then says that that morning they saw this bird and killed it because it was different (14:23), brandishing a plush toy chicken. Someone in the background says “Burn it!”, and the chant is taken up by the group, until “Lord Mormon” says “now, now, now, High Lord Prothall says we don’t have time to burn it, we must bury it”.

This is followed by scrolling text over a background shot of an idyllic river/wilderness scene and over background noise of flames (14:46):

> pg. 309
>
>
> “The…quest galloped
> eastward along the
> Mithil.”
>
>
> pg. 310
>
>
> “Two Bloodguard returned…
> and reported that Soaring Woodhelvin [sic]
> was in flames.
>
> charred…corpes littered
> the ground.”

This is followed by what appear to be photos of charred corpses.

We then see “Lord Mormon” looking distraught, followed by shots of the rest of the company looking similarly upset, including the black and orange Ranynyn vomiting (15:06).

Covenant sees the “lominator 2000″ on the ground, and has a flashback to Episode 11’s action sequence, in which he is introduced to “the lominator 2000″ and beaten with it by the Woodhelvennin. The flashback lasts from 15:13 to 15:34.

“Lord Mormon” says “Everyone! Prothall has decreed that we must bury all of these dead” (15:42), which is greeted with sounds of annoyance by the rest of the group. This is followed by scrolling text (15:48):

> pg. 314
>
> “Late in the
> afternoon Prothal [sic]
> called everyone to eat.
>
> By that time, nearly
> half the bodies had
> been buried.”

We then see “Lord Mormon” saying “Time for a lunchbreak! Who wants a BLT?” (15:54), to which the rest of the party reacts with disgust, and “Lord Mormon” says “no, I insist”. The rest of the party very reluctantly tries to eat. “Lord Mormon” eats enthusiastically, mixing laughter in with the eating.

The Fantasy Action Sequence ends at 16:28.

###Expert

They have trouble pronouncing Len’s second name (Vishnevsky), and then Julie feels something in the bed, and then Len appears from underneath the covers (16:54). He is not wearing the expert jacket. But the jacket appears on him at 17:03. He has read Lord Foul’s Bane once (17:30) and read it because of the show. He says that he thinks he understood it (17:41).

Heatherly wants to know what the “ill of the earth” that Covenant kept stepping in looked like. Len says taht it would be kinda spastic, like putting your hand on the burny thing in the kitchen. Julie says that they want to know what the ill itself looked like (18:06). Len says you can’t see it, otherwise Covenant wouldn’t have stepped in it.

Heatherly asks what a kresh is (18:32). Len says he doesn’t remember and asks her to use it in a sentence. Heatherly reads the line from page 306 where Korik says that the wolves were kresh. Len says that they are a special kind of wolf that are found in the Land and points out that it’s in the glossary in the back, which Heatherly looks up (p477).

They then discuss what sound Korik makes in the phrase “he made a splitting sound” (p306). Len says it’s like a pop. They don’t raise the possibility that it’s meant in the sense of “an ear-splitting sound”.

They ask him about the one-eyed bird (20:52), and he explains that while they were away from the main group, they saw a one-eyed bird flying around and shot it, and that it was a plot device so that they could show the Lords the ills at work in the Land. Julie protests that they shouldn’t have shot it just because it only has one eye, and asks if Covenant is freaking out because he’s surrounded by animal-killing sadists. Len says he’s freaking out because he’s a leper (21:48).

Julie wants to know how “Lord Mormon” could figure out what’s afflicting Covenant just by holding his hand (22:15). Len answers that he’s a Lord and has spent a lot of time learning how to do these things. Julie asks why Prothall didn’t do it, and Len replies that he’s old and not a seer or a prophet. He then explains that Prothall is the “elected boss” of the Lords, and Julie asks why they would elect a dotard to be their boss (22:52)—prompting Len to say he’s not really a dotard and Heatherly to say “well, Julie, didn’t we elect a dotard to be our boss in this country?”

Julie returns to the question of how “Mormon” figured out that Drool was getting at Covenant through his shoes, asking if he had prior experience with similar things that he was drawing upon. Len says that it wasn’t the smoothest plot device in the book, because he never really explains how he figured it out.

They start chart-writing at 23:43, on the topic of “What do you think the carnage in Flaming Woodhelven looked like?”. (Of course, their earlier calling it “Flaming Woodhelven” and it then having been burnt to the ground by ur-viles and Cavewights is rather ironic.)

Chart-writing ends at 24:25.

Julie’s chart (24:36) shows a big tree that’s toppled over, with smoke coming from it, and burnt corpses on it and around it, including a burnt “tree baby”. Julie claims that the fire might have been started by one of the Woodhelven smoking in bed. She says it could also have been the rays coming from the one-eyed bird.

Heatherly’s chart (25:16) shows an eyeball, a hand with all the flesh burned off of it, a burned leg with half a foot, a guy who got stabbed in the leg as he was dying, and a dead guy’s head with the hair burnt off.

Len’s chart (25:55) shows the charred tree of Soaring Woodhelven, with a fissure down the middle, charred limbs on the tree, charred corpses on the tree, Covenant saying “Hellfir and bloody damnation”, and corpses around the tree, some of which have arrows in them.

The “post-coital” segment begins at 26:39.

Julie says that her favorite part was when they found out about that one-eyed bird that they killed (26:58).

Heatherly says that her favorite part was when Covenant kept stepping in the ill and getting shocked and then one time falling down and passing out because of it (27:10). Julie says she takes back her previous answer and that that’s her favorite part too.

Len says that his favorite part was “the simile of the empty beer” (27:19).

###Words Defined
kresh: Savage, giant, yellow wolves. This is a word from the Land, and the definition is from the Lord Foul’s Bane glossary, p477.

###Firsts
First expert to have read Lord Foul’s Bane because of the show, 17:35

Tags: annotated-fantasy-bedtime-hour, criticism, fantasy-bedtime-hour, television, writing

AFBH 20: Pages 271-281

Tadhg — Sat, 21 Oct 2006 06:47:09 +0000

Episode 20. “The Ranynyn.”

The first appearance of the “Ranynyn”, my brother as expert, and a guest appearance from me.
http://fantasybedtimehour.com/episodes/EP20.php

###Pages
271-281, although the website and the intro to the action sequences say 275-281. Starts with “Lord Osondrea, to you and to the Lords Variol and Tamarantha” (approximately) (p271), ends with “Thus the Quest for the Staff of Law left Lord’s Keep in the sunlight of a new day” (p281).

###Expert
Niall (erroneously credited as “Nial”) O’Higgins

###Intro/Beginning

The episode opens with Heatherly and Julie asleep in bed. Heatherly is holding beer, and Julie is holding Lord Foul’s Bane. A hand (presumably belonging to Cameraman Jenn) starts to draw a mustache on Julie with a makeup pencil. She draws the mustache, then a circle around Julie’s left eye, and then writes “Slut” on Heatherly’s forehead.

Heatherly wakes up (02:48) and says hi to Cameraman Jenn, and Julie wakes up as well. Cameraman Jenn tells them that it’s time to film Episode 20. Heatherly asks her if she meansd pages 171-181, and Jenn corrects her, saying 271-281. Then Heatherly and Julie look at each other and see the makeup.

After a cut, they’re again in bed, sans makeup, and talking about how twenty is a lot of episodes (03:11). They then give the usual spiel.

###Analysis of Pages

Heatherly says in recap that Covenant speaks to the Council of the Lords, “so they sit around and talk for a while” and then Prothall entrusts Osondrea, Tamarantha and Variol with the defenses of the Land (p271), (04:02). She names “Prothall, Lord Mormon, Saltheart Foamfollower, Thomas Covenant, some Bloodguard, and one Eoman of the Wayward [sic]” as those who go in search of Drool Rockworm and the Staff of Law. She says that the route they’re going to take is found on page 272, and then reads that passage.

She continues that Prothall gives the order to call the Ranyhyn, and the Bloodguard do so. She describes “Tuvok” asking the Ranyhyn to bear them on their journey (p277) (05:32). She says that Tamarantha and Variol arrive and insist on coming on the search for Drool, and that they argue with Prothall, who relents and lets them come along.

She reads the description of the travellers’ formation and the last line of the chapter: “Thus the Quest for the Staff of Law left Lord’s Keep in the sunlight of a new day” (p281) (06:26).

Heatherly asks why Covenant turned down Prothall’s offer that Covenant be the High Lord—something that she didn’t cover in her reading. Julie says “well, not like everybody wants to be President” (06:52). She also says that Covenant is more of a critic and back-seat driver.

They then discuss the route that the quest will take, and Julie shows a chart she made with the route on it (07:22). It has Revelstone in the upper-left, represented by a pentagram, then goes South, around Andelain in a circle, East through Morinmoss, stopping at the Plains of Ra to pick up the Ramen (labeled as “Despiser’s Olden foes”), and then North to Gravin Threndor. She describes the whole thing as a car journey, including references to driving and to a minivan, and she uses as a pointer a stick with a toy car on the end of it.

Heatherly says “congratulations, Julie, you made it to Gravin Threndor, you collect $200″ (07:47) and hands her $200 in Monopoly money. Julie then continues, says that they can if they want then continue going North, and goes to the top of the chart, at which point she turns it over (07:55), and continues on the other side to “dropping off Thomas Covenant at Pacific Bell, where he’s told to ‘Stay Away! Unclean!’” (08:04).

###Key Misunderstandings

They don’t drive on the quest.

Variol and Tamarantha are Mhoram’s parents, not Prothall’s parents.

The quest is to find the Staff of Law, not the Illearth Stone or Lord Foul.

###Action Sequence

The Fantasy Action Sequence begins at 08:20.

It begins with scrolling text, reading (08:30):

> Thomas Covenant
> has just met with the
> Council of the Lords
> and delivered
> the warning of
> Lord Foul,.

After that, we see Prothall and “Lord Mormon”. Prothall says “you know what, that was one fucked-up meeting. I don’t know what you think, but there’s just a lot going on. What’s your impressions of how we should take care of this?” (08:46) and “Mormon” replies: “well, my foresight tells me that perhaps we ought to consider this matter very carefully. What do you think?” (08:53). Prothall comes right back with “what do you think? I… I am the Lord”. They ask each other “what do you think?” until Osondrea appears and tells Prothall that she thinks it’s the stupidest idea he’s ever had, and that “Lord Mormon” should be ashamed of himself (08:57). They block her out with their hands and go back to asking each other what they think.

Following a cut, Prothall says “after much deliberation, I’ve decided we will go on this quest and find the Staff of Law” (09:18). This is followed by scrolling text, accompanied by the sound of a crowd cheering (09:27):

> pg. 275
>
> “The dwellers of
> the mountain city
> thronged every
> balcony and terrace…
>
> The sun crested
> the eastern horizon…
>
> next it revealed
> the red pennant,
> and then
> a new white flag.”

We then see Covenant and Bannor outside, Covenant asking “what’s that?” and pointing off-camera. Bannor says “that is for you, ur-Lord, the sign of white gold” (09:36).

“Lord Mormon” is talking to “Lord Valium”, and says “Lord Valium! The Council is very pleased that you have put on pants today” (09:41). This is followed by applause and cheering.

Osondrea then walks up to Covenant and Bannor and demands to know why Prothall hasn’t called the Ranyhyn and gotten the show on the road, and that she just wants to do a load of whites, clean the cave, get it all over with (09:57).

Prothall says “Osondrea, we are very pleased to have you looking after our Land. And my dotard parents. Yes, my dotard parents. Lord Valium and Tamarantha, who are incredibly spry for their age” (10:12). As he says this, Tamarantha makes a variety of signs behind his back, then says “whatever” and walks away. Prothall tells “Tuvok” to call the “Ranynin”, and “Tuvok” says “I don’t wanna keep calling the horses, I called the horses last week, I don’t want them to think I just keep calling them (10:25). Then he calls Bannor and “Bob” and tells them to call the “Ranynin”. The two Bloodguard whistle mightily and do an odd folk-like dance.

At 11:02 there’s a cut to a grassy hill, and the “Lord Valium” says “look, they’re coming!” (11:07). At this point we see the “Ranynin”, coming over the grassy hill. They are clearly people in horse costumes. There are four of them. One has coloration like a cow, two are white, and one is black and orange. The black and orange one, via neighing and subtitles, says “Dibs on Bannor!!!” (11:24), and one of the white ones replies with “You can’t call dibs, retard!”, to which the first one says “Shut up! I’m not a retard!”, and the cow one (via mooing and subtitles) says “Sure you’re not a retard…” (11:35). The “Ranynin” mostly walk two-legged, making various degrees of effort at appearing four-legged.

They approach “Tuvok”, who tells them that they have a “major quest going on” and that they have to travel far, and hints that they could use some help. One of the white “Ranynin” then says (subtitled) “Jesus H CHRIST! This guy never gets to the point!”, and the cow “Ranynin” says “I KNKOW!!!” (12:21). The white one then says (subtitled) “OK! I choose Bannor!” and hugs Bannor. The black and orange one comes up to Bannor a moment later and says (subtitled) “Bannor, I choose you” (12:33), at which point the white one says (subtitled) “Dude! I already chose him! But THAT guy doesn’t have a rider [sic]“, at which point the black and orange “Ranyhin” sees that he is referring to Foamfollower, who on top of being presented as quite large is also carrying two large suitcases (12:42).

Covenant asks Osondrea to explain where the horses come from, and when she’s explained, says “Disgusting! I hate horses!” (13:07), to which she says “fine, then you’ll just get this regular horse”, and pushes a horse toy at him.

We next see a man in a red and gold dress, wearing a wig, with this text on the screen: “The part of Tamarantha will be played by: Chris Glover” (13:13).

Tamarantha and “Lord Valium” approach Prothall, asking (repeatedly) “can we go on the quest?”. Prothall is reluctant, and “Lord Mormon” comes over to him and says “Life is designed well. Men and women grow old so that someone can stay around and teach the young. Let them come!” (13:35). Prothall, through gritted teeth, says “Fine!”. “Lord Mormon” then says “All right! Everyone into formation!” (13:46).

The theme music from the Benny Hill show plays as the various characters run around, Benny-Hill-style, from 13:48 to 14:48 trying to get their formation right. The final “formation” is two or so lines, with (left to right) Foamfollower, “Lord Mormon”, Tamarantha, “Lord Valium”, and “Tuvok” in the back line and a white “Ranyhin”, Bannor, Covenant, and Prothall in the front line.

We see the following scrolling text (14:54):

> pg 281
>
> “Thus the Quest
> for the
> Staff of Law
> left Lords [sic] Keep
> in the sunlight
> of a new day.”

The Fantasy Action Sequence ends at 14:57.

###Expert

Julie tells Heatherly that their expert for the episode is Niall O’Higgins (15:11). Heatherly asks why that name sounds familiar, and Julie says “because he’s Tadhg O’Higgins’ brother!”.

Niall appears on screen at 15:22. He is appears to be wearing the expert jacket. He has read Lord Foul’s Bane once (15:35), and understood it also one (15:41).

Julie says “so this must be really exciting for you to be Tadhg’s brother” (15:45), to which he replies “yeah, it’s extremely exciting, living in the fast lane”.

They comment that he has an unusual accent, and he tells them that he’s from Ireland. Heatherly asks him if he’s thirsty, he says he is, and Julie gives him a bottle of Guinness, saying that it’s the beer of his people (16:16). She asks if he wants her to pour him a pint, and he says yes.

From 16:22 to 16:43 is a parody of the Guinness ad “Anticipation, complete with “Guaglione” soundtrack, with Niall watching intently as Julie pours.

Heatherly asks what the quest is for—are they going to form a lynch mob to hunt down Lord Foul, or are they really looking for the Illearth Stone (17:03)? Niall says that their ultimate goal is to depose Lord Foul, and that to do that, they need the Illearth Stone—so they’re going to find the Illearth Stone, and then they’re going to get Lord Foul.

Julie asks how they’re going to find the Illearth Stone (17:25). Niall doesn’t really answer this question, and when pressed, says that Thomas Covenant is a kind of “Illearth Stone detector”.

Heatherly asks if they even know where Lord Foul is, to which Niall says “no” (18:15). He claims that Lord Foul is drawn to the members of the quest in some fashion. Heatherly then says that she thinks Lord Foul wants the Illearth Stone, and that he’s sending the quest to do his dirty work (which isn’t far off the mark).

Julie asks if it would be safe to sat that this is a pre-emptive strike against Lord Foul (19:02). He says no, and she says “but what will they do if they don’t find any weapons of mass destruction?”, to which Niall replies “I don’t know”. She asks him if the Illearth Stone is like a weapon of mass destruction, and he says it is. At which point Julie says “you know what this is like? Lord of the Rings” (19:26).

Heatherly asks why, if “Lord Valium” and Tamarantha are the parents of Lord Prothall, they look to be the same age, and whether there’s a big problem with teenage pregnancy in the land. Niall says there is, a very large problem, and that they have no forms of birth control in the Land. Not even “the rhythm method” (19:55).

Julie asks Niall which member of the quest he relates to most and why, and he says it has to be Thomas Covenant (20:12), causing both Heatherly and Julie to spit out their wine. They ask why, and Niall explains that he is not a leper, nor “some sort of major asshole”, nor a rapist, but that Thomas Covenant is like a man lost in a world he doesn’t understand, doesn’t belong to (20:47). This prompts sympathy from them, and Julie asks if that’s how he feels, and he says it is. Julie asks him if he’s ever considered turning to alcohol, and he just looks sad as he drinks his Guinness.

To cheer Niall up, Julie suggests that they get me onto the show.

I appear at 21:42. I also appear to be wearing the expert jacket, indicating that there may, in fact, be more than one. Heatherly says that having us on is “the closest thing to twins”. Julie tells me that I must be so proud to have my sad brother there, to which I say “right, yes.” I agree with her when she says that it makes sense that he’s sad, since Covenant is depressing and sad.

Julie asks “what’s it like being the brother of Tadhg O’Higgins, do you guys just talk about Lord Foul’s Bane all the time, and does Tadhg correct you?” (22:10). Heatherly follows that up with a question about whether I always correct him when we talk about “politics and stuff”. He says “yes”, and Julie asks him if he asks me the definitions of words, to which he says “yes”. Heatherly asks if I correct him when he misuses words, and he claims that he corrects me, to which I say “since when?” (22:32). He says “shut up” (slightly slurring), and I say “can you cite any examples? Anything? Anything at all?” They all laugh, and I say “I didn’t think so” (22:43). Julie suggests a competition about the definitions of words, saying “whoever asnwers first is the smarter brother”, at which I roll my eyes.

Julie’s first question is from page 269, and she quotes “do not follow the lure of this quest, it is chimera”—and she pronounces it with a “ch” sound as in “chance”, so I correct her, pronouncing it with a hard ‘k’ (23:04). I then tell her that it’s a monster from mythology.

Julie passes the book the Heatherly, and I tell Julie that she didn’t give Niall a chance to answer, and also that she hasn’t thought it through very well (23:21).

Heatherly reads from page 272, “cowardice is inexculpate, corruption unassoiled”. I correct her pronunciation of “inexculpate”, and Niall corrects her pronunciation of “unassoiled”, which she reads as “un-ass-oiled”. Niall defines it (incorrectly) as “not soiled”. Cameraman Jenn says that they should give Niall another word (24:01), and Julie takes the book back, and asks him for a definition of “corridor”. After his slightly odd definition, Julie says it’s time for chart-writing, and after a cut at 24:25 I disappear without explanation.

They start chart-writing at 24:33, on the topic of “Where do you think the Illearth Stone is and what does it look like?”.

Chart-writing ends at 25:03.

Julie’s chart (25:11) shows the Illearth Stone three thousand feet below a hill, with Bigfoot, a UFO, and a dinosaur all above it.

Heatherly’s chart (25:29) shows a number of separate panels, one showing that it’s “way far away in a cave”, with a lower-left closeup of a cat that she drew in that panel (the cat is apparently a landmark), a closeup of the cave entrance, and a the interior of the cave with stalagmites and stalagtites [sic] and a sign saying “Illearth Stone” and pointing downwards to the Stone which is below the cave floor. On the right-hand side is a closeup of the Illearth Stone, which has odd symbols on it and which when unearthed gives off radiating light and possibly gases.

Niall’s chart (26:24) shows a mountain, a maze inside the mountain, and one of the passageways from the maze leading to the Illearth Stone—which is guarded in its chamber by a “cat-spider creature”. There is also an “old man of the mountain” who will stab you with a sword if you encounter him.

The “post-coital” segment begins at 26:55.

They tell Niall they’re sorry that his life is full of despair, and Julie asks “have you considered turning to alcohol or my bosom?” (27:03) while hugging his head to her chest (which Heatherly also does).

Heatherly says that her favorite part when they called the “Ranynyn” (27:19).

Julie says that her favorite part was when “Lord Valium” decided to put on pants for the quest (27:36).

Niall says that his favorite part is when they all got on horses and rode away (27:44).

###Words Defined
Chimera: A mythological monster, made up of very differing parts. Also has overtones of unreality—something important in its usage on page 269 which I don’t make clear in the episode when I define it as “a monster from mythology”.
Unassoiled: Unabsolved. Niall incorrectly defines it as “not soiled” in the episode.
Corridor: A passage or hallway, connecting rooms (or rooms and entrances, etc.).

###Firsts
First appearance of “the Ranynin”, 11:08.
First announcement/acknowledgement of a casting switch, 13:13.
First display of two “expert jackets” at the same time, 21:42.
First use of “Fantasy Bedtime Hour Productions” clip, 28:31.

Tags: annotated-fantasy-bedtime-hour, criticism, fantasy-bedtime-hour, television, writing

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