King-James-Only Discordianism

13:10 Sat 27 Jan 2007
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In the beginning was The Speaking of The Word.

As the Goddess prepared to speak The Word, she looked to her three Biblical Scholars for aid. The first Biblical Scholar, whitebearded, bespectacled, and brusque, said


The Goddess frowned, and cast him out.

The second Biblical Scholar, wizened, bent with age, and querulous, said


The Goddess was displeased, and cast him out.

The third Biblical Scholar, frail, ancient, and didactic, said


The Goddess bestowed upon her a smile.


Everyone knows the Tetragrammaton is “Jehovah”. Everyone knows what is truly in The Bible. But in recent centuries the Holy Word of the Lord has been debased, corrupted, by agents of the adversary. Preoccupation with trendiness, concern for “modern values”, and a desire to make things “easier” on adherents have created abominations such as the New International Version. Further assaults have come from intellectuals, called “biblical scholars”, as if knowledge of the true Word of God had to come from academics rather than being inside all of us.

The Truth is that the Goddess inspired William Tyndale in his translation of the older texts, and that this translation constitutes a new revelation, superseding all previous versions, including those allegedly from “ancient” sources.

How do I know this? I know it because it is The Truth, and it has come to me As Truth from the Goddess herself (Hail Eris!), in my capacity as Discordian Pope.


Thus, as Discordian Pope, as Pope of Discord, as Seer, Poet, and Philosopher, I hereby decree:

There shall be a new Discordian Chapter, and it shall be a Discordian Chapter, The King-James-(1769)-Only Erisian Canonical Movement.

The King-James-(1769)-Only Erisian Canonical Movement shall have the following precepts:
0. The Principia Discordia shall be our useful guide. Malaclypse the Younger can teach us much about interpreting Holy Scripture.
1. The King James Version (1769) is the only True Holy Word of God. No other versions, translations, texts, revisions, or scrolls are to be considered.
2. There is no Zen but Eris.
3. The Self is Truth; we choose our Selves; Truth is Choice.
5. In memory of the RAW Pope, always watch out for flying lasagna.


Let their eyes be darkened, that they see not; and make their loins continually to shake.

Hail Eris—YHVH—All Hail Discordia.

2 Responses to “King-James-Only Discordianism”

  1. Lev Says:

    All hail Eris, Goddess of Disco… rd.

  2. Jesrad Says:

    YHWH: Goddess, the maker. Pronounce Jehovah, Yavhe, Yavha, etc…
    YHSH: Christ, the son. Pronounce Jesus, Yeshua, Yashua, etc…
    YHNH: name of the Christ in the Second Coming. Will be pronounced Jenoha, Yaneha, etc…

    Commence O.M. now.

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