Episode 33. A Word of Warning.
The Lords sing through an obstacle, and cartographical documents are unearthed.
Starts with “Covenant wandered forward as if in a trance” (p417), ends with “the bridge and the Word were still intact” (p421).
The episode begins with Heatherly talking about a Fantasy Bedtime Hour drinking game that someone posted to their forum, and says that she doesn’t like it because the stuff on it never happens:
* Julie says “fuck”.
* Heatherly can’t pronounce a word.
* Either of them takes a drink.
* Julie says “that’s hot”.
* Heatherly says “oh my god”.
* Cameraman Jenn speaks at all.
* Heatherly says “whatever”.
* They get a visit from Adult Gladiator.
* There’s any shot of cleavage.
* There’s a bedsheet malfunction.
They deride this drinking game as useless, and then Cameraman Jenn tells them they’re rolling (20:35) (1), Julie says “fuck” (2), Heatherly says “oh my god” (3) and takes a drink (4) as her bedsheet slips (revealing a pastie) (5) and Julie says “that’s hot” (6) and Adult Gladiator (7) pulls the sheet up. There’s a closeup of Heatherly’s cleavage (8) and Julie says “you had a bedsheet malfunction” to which Heatherly replies “whatever” (02:46) (9).
After a fadeout, Julie gives the usual intro spiel while Heatherly sucks on a popsicle. The popsicle breaks (03:03).
###Analysis of Pages
Heatherly does the reading wearing kitty ears on her head. She says that they left off when the party were at the entrance of the cave but they haven’t gone in yet.
She says that Covenant’s ring is really itching and feeling funny, and that he’s feeling weird “like he’s tripping balls or something” (03:40). She says that Tuvor is leading the way when Covenant sees “a loop of shimmering air banded around the center of the bridge” (p417) (03:51), and that Tuvor is about to step into it when Covenant warns Tuvor to stop.
She relates that “Mormon” recalled Tuvor but Prothall just stared blankly until he struck his staff on the stone and ejaculated “ur-viles!” (04:20), and that “Mormon” asks incredulously “a Word of Warning?” (p418) (04:26).
Heatherly tells Julie that she had no idea what was going on, and so she looked it up in the back of the book and a Word of Warning means “a powerful, destructive forbidding” (p480) (04:49). She says that Drool set some spell in the middle of the bridge.
She says that the Word of Warning became visible to everybody, and that it’s a big red circle, and Prothall sings to it but when he stops it disappears. She says that Prothall then goes back to the others to tell them that it’s an alarm that if triggered will alert Drool and destroy the entrance to the catacombs (05:21).
She says that Prothall and “Mormon” go to it, sing, and do cool things with their staffs and get it to nudge a little so that the others can sneak past it—but Prothall tells Covenant that he has to go last because he’s afraid that Covenant’s ring would set it off (05:47).
She describes how Tuvor and Terrel attach clingor lifelines to everyone and that they get through one at a time, and that Covenant, going last, gets through with a lot of cursing.
After a fadeout, they clink beer bottles and chug them back.
Julie wants to know if Prothall’s song to the “red light” was “a sexy, intimate song” (06:58). Heatherly says that she thinks so, that Prothall might have been trying to seduce the light into going away. After a few suggestions for what the song might have been like, they say that the action sequence might cover it.
Covenant is put into a trance-like state by some enchantment, and begins to see the rest of the company as fading into mist—except for the Bloodguard, who like his ring remain completely solid (p417). He sees the spell-trap on the bridge, and this is enough to regain some control of himself and gasp a warning. Prothall and Mormon are shocked to discover a Word of Warning at the middle of the bridge. (The presence of the spell is also why there were ur-viles rather that Cavewights nearby—the spell needs occasional upkeep.) This is evidently lore more powerful than they have encountered, or can themselves perform. Prothall comments to Mhoram that Drool has had Foul’s help in mastering the Staff of Law—unlike the Lords themselves, who have no help in their own studies (p418).
Prothall approaches the Word and makes it visible, small pieces at a time, to measure its height and width. He uses a song to do this, and comes back to the company confirming that it is a Word of Warning. He also says that it would warn Drool and break Warrenbridge if touched (p419).
Prothall says that he thinks the Word can be “bent” without breaking it, but he is worried that Covenant’s ring might undo the Word simply by being near it, and so tells Covenant he must come last (p420). Covenant assents, and Prothall and Mhoram go onto the bridge together, place their staffs under the Word, and sing songs of power to raise it higher. When they have it a foot high, the party passes through underneath it (p421) until only Covenant is on the wrong side. He manages to get under it, despite hearing a keening, and seeing a cold red flame spring from his ring.
Prothall exclaims “Ur-viles” on page 418. “Ejaculate” here is used as a synonym for “exclaim”. No ejaculation involving semen, or ejaculation of ur-viles as semen-substitute, occurs.
The Fantasy Action Sequence begins at 07:38.
It opens with “Mormon” saying “all right! We’re ready to cross” and Covenant saying “finally!” (07:52). We then see Covenant’s halfhand, from the wrist down, and his ring glows yellow and green. “Mormon” stares at it, transfixed, as Covenant waves it around playfully, until “Mormon” grabs it, putting it out, prompting Covenant to say “what?” (08:15). “Mormon” says “your ring is trippin’ me out, dude!”, and Covenant replies “come to think of it, it’s making me all funny inside too.” They then stare intently at each other and appear to blur slightly. Prothall comes over and says “hey guys, I hate to interrupt your love fest, but—we gotta go into the catacombs!” (08:48). The white “Ranynyn” says (subtitled) “FINALLY!” (08:49).
We then see the following scrolling text (08:57):
> pg. 417
> “Then Covenant saw it –
> a loop of shimmering air
> banded around the
> center of
> the bridge.
> He did not know
> what it was,
> understood nothing
> about it, except
> that is [sic] was
We then see Covenant, still looking spacey, and hear a noise like a humming turbine. We then see a red shimmering thing above what looks like a wall (09:04). Covenant says “what is it?” as Bannor walks along the wall towards it. Covenant looks on, worried. Bannor continues. Covenant shouts “Stop! Stop! Hellfire! Bannor, don’t you see it?” (09:27). Bannor looks confused, and Prothall calls him back, and then asks Covenant what he sees. Covenant replies “it’s not rocklight, and I’m not tripping balls, Prothall” (09:36). Bannor returns, and Prothall says to “Mormon” that he is blind not to have seen the connection between the ur-viles and the rocklight, that they were “tending the power”. “Mormon” says “a Word of Warning” (09:49). He then asks if it’s possible, if Drool has entirely mastered the Staff.
Covenant asks Bannor what a Word of Warning is, and Bannor says that it’s like a spell, a landmine, and that it’s going to kill them all. Covenant says “so?”, and Bannor says “we’re all gonna die! We’re all gonna die!”, to which Covenant replies “big whoop, dude. Hah.” Bannor then tells him not to worry, that Prothall and “Mormon” know what to do (10:13).
Prothall says that they might be able to get past it with a spell, but that Covenant’s ring might set it off and that Covenant has to go last, to which Covenant says “fine. It’s all just a dream, anyway” (10:28). “Mormon” says “Prothall! Are you suggesting—” and Prothall says “yes I am” (10:33). Bannor runs by and says “everybody hang onto this clingor“.
We then see the following scrolling text (10:48):
> pg. 420
> “Prothal [sic] and Mormon [sic]
> ascended cautiously
> until they wre only
> an arms [sic] length from
> the invisible Word.
> There they knelt
> together and
> started their song.”
We then see Prothall and “Mormon” doing synchronized, choreographed moves with their staffs. At 10:56, Prothall starts singing “Roxanne” (which is about prostitution and repeatedly refers to a “red light”). He and “Mormon” alternate singing it until 11:36, when Prothall says “quickly, everyone, through the ring. Except you, Thomas Covenant. You go last” (11:41). Covenant says “whatever”. Prothall and “Mormon” resume singing at 11:43. At 11:48 we see them and the Word of Warning, which looks as if it’s higher up. Bannor, the white “Ranynyn”, Prothall, and “Mormon” hurry under it as “Mormon” continues singing. “Mormon” tells Covenant to come through (12:16). Covenant says “whatever, it’s only a dream anyway” and goes under it while swearing at the red light. The white “Ranynyn” says (subtitled) “Holy shit! He actually made it!” (12:39).
The Fantasy Action Sequence ends at 12:44.
The expert is Fuzze Philippe, who appears on screen at 13:01. He is not wearing the expert jacket (which Heatherly is holding). They think he’s French (13:17) but he’s actually Québécois (13:34). He has read Lord Foul’s Bane 2 or 3 times (14:00) and has understood it one-and-a-half times (14:14).
He produces a gift, saying it’s from the “experts of France”, of two truffles (14:32).
He has the first edition paperback of Lord Foul’s Bane (14:55), and he points out that it has the scene that they’re discussing on the front.
Heatherly wants to know how Prothall “strikes his staff on the stone and ejaculated ur-viles” (15:38). Philippe says that Prothall realizes something and that it comes out as an ejaculation. Heatherly asks if Prothall ejaculated on the ur-viles. She and Julie then argues about whether Prothall ejaculated on the ur-viles or ejaculated ur-viles. They ask Philippe who’s right, and Philippe says “I think he just spoke” (16:22).
Julie asks if he knew that a Word of Warning was a spell when he first read the book (16:39). He says he had a sense that it was something like that, yes. Julie asks what kind of spell it is, and he says that it’s relatively simple, that if you cross it, it’s like a telegram. They agree that it’s basically an alarm system, and Julie asks if anyone can buy them in the Land. While attempting to answer this question, Philippe stumbles on Drool’s name, and then asks “are we talking about ejaculation and drooling here?” (17:27). Julie comments that they’ve established that there’s something gay going on in the book, and Philippe asks if there’s something going on between Mhoram and Prothall. They say no, and Julie says “Mormon is way out of Prothall’s league” (17:45).
Julie asks if the book is about humanoids against magical creatures (17:55), and then asks if that’s racist, and asks what right the humans have to burst into the cave of the ur-viles and Cavewights and start stealing stuff and killing those sentient creatures who clearly have their own form of government. Philippe says “they’re evil! They’re bad guys!” (18:38) and Julie says the whole thing sounds very racist. Heatherly says that the ur-viles and Cavewights are fucking up the Land, Philippe says that she’s right, and Heatherly says “I’m right” (19:06).
Heatherly wants to know why Prothall had to sing a hoary song to get the Word to appear (19:21). Philippe tries to explain what “hoary” means in this context by referring to throaty incantations from movies like The Craft. Julie wants to know what Prothall sang, and Philippe says he has no idea, but that it was probably guttural and deep. He says that it’s not like any of the sex magick that he’s ever done (20:03).
He appears without his jacket, and so is naked from the sheets up, at 20:06, and tells them that he did bring another gift. The gift is The Atlas of the Land, an atlas of the Land. They flip through it until they find a map of the scene they’re discussing (20:29).
Julie asks if the lyrics to the song are something they teach them in “Council School” (20:54). Philippe says that it’s knowledge that they learn from Kevin’s Lore.
Heatherly says that she thought that Drool was stupid, and asks if he’s getting smarter because of the Staff of Law and whether that enabled him to create the Word of Warning (21:16). Philippe says yes. Julie says that that is the best magic they’ve encountered so far in the book, and Philippe agrees that the magic is kinda lousy. Julie wants to know what the party think they’re going to do when they encounter Drool, given that his magic is so powerful, and Philippe points out that they have Covenant, and that they believe in him. Julie says “yeah, but I believe in Heatherly and it’s gotten me nowhere” (22:30).
Chart-writing begins at 22:54, on the topic “what’s in the chasm?”
Chart-writing ends at 23:47.
Julie’s chart (23:56) shows the cave entrance on the left, with a bridge connecting it to the other side, and the chasm underneath the bridge has a number of stores, including a Wal-Mart, an IKEA, and a Crate and Barrel.
Heatherly’s chart (24:10) shows the view from the perspective of someone looking down into the chasm—including a view of their shoes. In the chasm are monsters, including little bat-like creatures, and there is also trash like old boots and beer cans in the chasm.
Philippe’s chart (24:27) shows a wedge-shaped chasm, with a bridge spanning it. In the middle of the bridge are rocklights and the Word of Warning. There are Cavewights in the chasm, and he describes them as a cross between monkeys and spiders.
The “post-coital” segment starts at 25:58.
Heatherly’s favorite part was when Prothall ejaculated over the ur-viles (26:03).
Julie’s favorite part was also “that ejaculation part” (26:24).
Philippe’s favorite part was when they went under the Word of Warning (26:40).
After the end credits, there are out-takes of: Covenant and “Mormon” talking really fast; and Prothall cracking up after Bannor goes by with the clingor
After this, there is a still shot of a statue, with the words “Fantasy Bedtime Hour Productions” to the left of the statue, with a voiceover of Heatherly saying “Oh my god!” and Julie saying “I know! That’s hot!”. The statue is from Powerscourt Gardens in Enniskerry, County Wicklow, Ireland.
First appearance The Atlas of the Land, 20:11.