AFBH 16: Pages 215-219

17:55 Mon 16 Oct 2006. Updated: 11:46 20 Oct 2006
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Episode 16. Christmas episode.

Covenant and Foamfollower reach Revelstone and meet the Bloodguard.

215-219, starting with “As long as he kept his ring secret” and ending with “Do I have to put up with this?” (p219)



The intro opens with Heatherly and Julie wearing Christmas hats, drinking eggnog, and looking at the presents in front of them. Julie opens Heatherly’s present (02:58), which is a hand-drawn $100 gift certificate to the Pottery Barn.

Heatherly opens Julie’s present (03:22) and is disconcerted to find that it’s a bag of crickets. Julie tells her that the guy at the pet store told her that they’re Christmas crickets and that they sing. They put their ears to the bag (03:37) but don’t hear anything, prompting Heathely to shake the bag. Julie gets her to try again, and we hear what I think is an Alvin & the Chipmunks song while seeing various closeup shots of the crickets.

Cameraman Jenn opens Heatherly’s present to her (04:51), which is a box of disposable Latex gloves, and then Julie’s present to her (05:23), a partially-used box of Imodium.

Cameraman Jenn then gives them presents. Heatherly’s (05:52) is a hand-drawn $100 gift certificate to Stormy Leather. Julie’s present has a card, which reads “With warmest wishes for a very Merry Christmas and the happiest New Year’s, have a bitchin’ Christmas, Love, Cameraman Jenn” (06:30). Cameraman Jenn gives Heatherly a card also, which reads “You are my favorite, Love, Cameraman Jenn” (06:43). This makes Julie sad. She cheers herself up by opening Cameraman Jenn’s present to her (06:52), a pack of Depend underwear. This makes Julie sad again. She then admonishes Jenn and reminds her that she said she wasn’t going to tell anybody, to which Cameraman Jenn replies “Don’t worry, Julie, I’m not filming, I swear” (07:07). This doesn’t cheer Julie up, and Jenn continues “In fact, we should really think about getting back to the show now, so, ready? Action” (07:15).

This kicks off the usual spiel, although the crickets are mentioned as co-hosts (07:23).

###Analysis of Pages

Heatherly starts by saying that after getting off the boat, Covenant and Foamfollower get to the gates of Revelstone, where they encounter the Bloodguard (p213), who speak the Land’s language awkwardly.

She then says that Covenant is thinking to himself that as long as he keeps his ring a secret, he could deliver his message to the Lords (p215)—and then cuts off the rest of that sentence, which makes clear that Covenant is trying to avoid being regarded as someone with power.

Heatherly reads Covenant’s initial meeting with Bannor (p216), emphasizing words like “tongue”, “stiff”, and “hard” to give the passage erotic overtones.

Heatherly treats Covenant’s misgivings at being separated from Foamfollower, and at being housed in the tower, as the petty complaints of “Thomas Covenant, like the whiny little bitch that he is” (09:33).

She recounts Bannor leading Covenant to his room and leaving him there (p217) (10:06). She stumbles over the pronunciation of “arras” (10:20), then describes the depictions of Berek that Covenant examines (p219). She closes the reading with Covenant’s thoughts on the tapestry: “Oh, bloody hell! Do I have to put up with this?” (p219) (11:00)

We then see Heatherly playfully talking to the bag of crickets, which has a santa hat on it (11:11). Julie comments that the crickets are actually pretty gross, and Heatherly protests that Julie bought them, to which Julie replies “Yeah, for you” as the phone rings (11:20).

It’s Jenn, who introduces herself as the expert from Episode Six. They wish her a Merry Christmas, and then Jenn brings up my terrible error mixing up the Ranyhyn and the Ramen. They then run the clip from Episode Fifteen in which I make that mistake. It runs from 12:18 to 12:45.

Julie then has the Christmas crickets introduce the action sequence. This is followed by a close-up of the crickets, and the noise of them scrabbling in the bag.

The main component of the pages skipped is the description of Revelstone, an impressive edifice carved directly from the mountain, and the arrival of the travellers at Lord’s Keep, with the first appearance of the Bloodguard (p213). That the Bloodguard are there to greet the party is unusual, and when questioned by Quaan on the matter they merely say “Giants and message-bearers have come together to the Keep.” (p214).

As they enter, Covenant decides that me must keep his ring secret, because to reveal it will cause the Lords to mistakenly think that he can help them in some way. He wants no expectations placed upon him, and he is about to ask Foamfollower to keep the ring secret when two men approach them (p215).

These men are Bloodguard, Bannor and Kurik (p216). Kurik escorts Foamfollower to his chambers, but Covenant is prevented from following by Bannor, who brings him through a maze of corridors to a room in the tower. Covenant is unhappy at this, and at the fact that he cannot open the door of his room (p218). He shouts for Bannor, who returns, and Covenant demands to know why he is a prisoner. Bannor replies that the Bloodguard know little of him, and will not allow him to endanger the Lords. Bannor then exits, leaving Covenant to look around the room and find the arras depicting Berek (p219). This tapestry celebrates Berek as a hero in various stances and situations, and upsets Covenant by underscoring to him the difference between himself and the legendary hero Berek.

###Key Misunderstandings

Covenant isn’t whining, but is alarmed at being separated from Foamfollower, suspecting that there’s something wrong with it—which there is, as the Bloodguard see him as a potential threat, and confine him to his room.

Women are not absent from, or hiding in, Revelstone.

###Action Sequence

The Fantasy Action Sequence begins at 13:17.

The opening scene is a shot of a castle with the following text scrolling over it:

> page 215
> “Covenant glanced up
> the main keep…
> and from his angle,
> Revelstone seemed tall
> enough to provide
> a foundation
> for the heavens.”

We then see Foamfollower and Covenant approaching a building (13:37). Foamfollower is laughing, and they are discussing the glories of Revelstone.

The next shot is of a plant with the words “Whorey Tree” next to it (14:15). This is a reference to “hoary tree”, p215. The focus pulls back to reveal two Bloodguard (14:15) standing outside the door of a building marked “City Hall”. (This was shot at City Hall in San Francisco.) One of the Bloodguard (revealed later to be Korik) is wearing the Adult Gladiator mask. The other (revealed later to be Bannor) is wearing sunglasses and what appears to be an afro wig.

When they reach the Bloodguard, Foamfollower says “I am Saltheart Foamfollower, a legume from the Seaweed Giants. And this is Thomas Covenant—″ Covenant barks out “The Unbeliever!” (14:40). Covenant says “I have a message for the Council of the Lords.”, at which Foamfollower laughs.

Covenant faux-whispers to Foamfolower, “Foamfollower! Don’t tell them about the ring!”

At this point Bannor steps forward and starts to bark at Covenant (14:54). His barking is subtitled as “I am Bannor of the Bloodguard” (14:56), and “You are in my charge.” (1:42:48). Foamfollower effusively greets Korik, to which Korik replies “We are the Bloodguard. Your chambers are ready, that you may rest. Come.” (15:20).

Foamfollower tells Covenant to go with Bannor, that they shall meet again tomorrow.

Covenant goes to follow Foamfollower, but is stopped by Bannor, who says “No!”, which is subtitled as “No!” (15:36). Bannor tells him “You’re coming with me.”, subtitled as “You’re coming with me.” (15:37).

Covenant gets upset and has a tantrum from 15:38 to 16:07:
No, I want to with Foamfollower ’cause [unintelligible] we’re friends and we’ve been together for a really long time and I want to go with and I don’t want to stay here like this, this is not, I don’t wanna go and sit here and while he gets to go off and like fun, happy places and no, I don’t think it’s a good idea that I stay here with you, no I’m not gonna do it, no no no no no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I’m going with Foamfollower, and I’m not gonna stay here. I’m gonna go with him, and I’m not gonna stay here, no!

Bannor is impassive throughout this, and he replies “Your place is the tower”, subtitled as “Your place in [sic] in the tower.” (16:08). Covenant pauses, then shouts “No! I don’t want to stay in the fucking tower!”, causing Bannor to remove his sunglasses (16:15) as Covenent continues “That’s crazy! That sounds creepy, and weird, and it’s like ooo, tower, you know like who’s on top of the—no! No, I don’t think so, I really don’t think so this time… sir!”

Bannor stares at him, and we see a succession of shots of Bannor’s eyes and Covenant’s eyes until Bannor grabs Covenant and says “Come.”, subtitled as “come.” (16:46) and pulls him away.

The next scene is indoors, and consists of Bannor taking Covenant through a building until throwing Covenant into a room (17:21). Covenant bangs on the door and demands that Bannor open it. Bannor does so, and Covenant says “What is this, some kind of prison?” (17:43). In reply, Bannor barks at Covenant, subtitled as “Call it what you choose. You must wait here until the Lords send for you.” (17:44).

Covenant paces around the room, drinks some wine, and then looks up to see various portrayals of Berek Halfhand on the wall (18:09). These are all shots from the “tale of Berek” from Episode Seven’s action sequence. There are seven of them, one central with the other six in a circle around it.

The one in the center is “Stylized Stance”, Berek standing and looking proudly left (Fantasy Bedtime Hour Episode Seven, 16:00).

Starting at the top and going clockwise, the others are:
* “His Pure Loyalty to the Queen”, the Queen and Berek (Fantasy Bedtime Hour Episode Seven, 15:48).
* “His Despair on Mount Thunder”, Berek invoking the stone lions (Fantasy Bedtime Hour Episode Seven, 18:40).
* “The Cleaving of His Hand”, Berek in pain holding up his newly-wounded hand (Fantasy Bedtime Hour Episode Seven, 16:56).
* “Berek’s Exertions in The War”, Berek swinging at the crouching King (Fantasy Bedtime Hour Episode Seven, 16:16).
* “The King’s Greedy Pursuit of Power”, Berek pursued by King and henchman (Fantasy Bedtime Hour Episode Seven, 17:29).
* “The Queen’s Repudiation of Her Husband”, Queen and King struggling as the King enters with another woman, (Fantasy Bedtime Hour Episode Seven, 15:33).

Covenant stares at these, eventually focusing on “The Cleaving of His Hand” and then looking from it to his own wounded hand (18:41). He keeps looking at the two, shocked at the similarity, and the action sequence ends.

The Fantasy Action Sequence ends at 18:55.


Just before the arrival of the expert, Julie is reading their old and tattered copy of Lord Foul’s Bane, the one missing aynthing before page 11 (19:01).

The expert is Jim, who appears on screen at 19:11. He is wearing the expert jacket. They do not ask him how many times he has read Lord Foul’s Bane.

Throughout the his appearance, Jim lauds and flatters the girls for their perscipacity and the show for its profundity.

Heatherly’s first question is whether the Council of the Lords is in Revelstone. Jim answers that that’s one perspective you could take (19:42). In the ensuing discussion, they want to know which perspective (that it’s in Revelstone, that it’s not) is “right”, while Jim tells them “Try not to think of it as right or wrong” (20:11). They try to pin him down, but he says that at one point in time, Heatherly would be right, and at another point in time, Julie would be right (20:33). Julie asks if this means the Council is nomadic, and Jim says “absolutely” (20:43).

Julie asks “is Revelstone run by Giants, or something?” (20:48). Jim tells her that most people wouldn’t even see how the Giants have been a part of Revelstone forever, most would say that the Giants built Revelstone and long time ago and then disappeared (21:03). Julie asks why they would build it and disappear, and Heatherly asks if the Aztecs were Giants, to which Jim says “Absolutely, but they weren’t Giants, but they were like Giants” (21:13).

Julie asks if the Lords hired or enslaved the Giants to build Revelstone. Jim says “Well, they paid them in a way. In a way, because everybody gets it in the end, right, you know what I mean?” (21:26). This prompts questions about what “it” is, including Julie asking if it’s death, the “final quietus” (21:44), to which Jim says “absolutely”.

Heatherly asks why all the Revelstone people had short, curly hair. Jim says that everyone has to have some kind of hair (22:10). Julie asks Heatherly if she has brown, short, curly hair (22:13), at which point the three of them start laughing.

Heatherly asks “Where were the women? And did everybody just look alike? And then, what if, I mean, if they all looked alike, does that mean they’re hermaphrodites?” (22:47) Julie says she didn’t see a lot of women in the action sequence, but that if they all have brown short curly hair maybe you can’t tell the women apart, and Heatherly asks that if they’re hermaphrodites, does that mean that they can breed by themselves, or do they have to have another one there to breed with. Julie then asks her if she’s saying that hermaphrodites reproduce asexually, and Heatherly says maybe, maybe “Revelstoners” do. Julie asks if hermaphrodites reproduce asexually, and Heatherly asks about whether a “Revelstoner’s” arm would grow back in a couple of weeks if you chopped it off—to which Julie adds “asexually?”, then Heatherly asks “can they live without their heads?” (12:54).

Julie then says “Jim, so what’s the deal, where are the women in Revelstone?” (23:30) and he says he thinks they’re hiding.

Julie reads “and a small fountain sparkled on either side of a hoary tree” (p215) and asks what hoary is. Jim claims it’s a misprint.

Julie asks if Revelstone is run by Giants (24:03), to which Jim says no. He says the Giants are gone, but that they will come back. Heatherly asks if they’re becoming an endangered species (24:23), and Jim says they kind of are.

Heatherly asks if Quaan is ‘Revelstoner’, and Jim says he certainly did a lot of that type of activity at Revelstone (24:40) . Julie asks “what type of activity?” Jim says “Well, you know”. Julie says “it?”, and Jim says “Well, it, well, ‘Revelstoning’.”

Heatherly asks what ‘Revelstoning’ is, and Jim asks her what she would do if she were at Revelstone (24:53), to which Julie says “I guess I’d reproduce asexually!” (24:55).

They start chart-writing at 25:10, on the topic of “What do you think the women of Revelstone look like?”

Chart-writing ends at 25:50.

Julie’s chart (25:58) shows two mermaids (because Julie likes mermaids) and an androgynous-looking “woman of Revelstone”. Julie also threw in “the women of the Ranynyn [sic]).

Heatherly’s chart (26:20) shows a figure with breasts and a penis and a mons veneris. She says she’s still a little confused on their gender.

Jim’s chart (26:52) shows a figure wearing a hat.

The “post-coital” segment begins at 27:10.

Julie asks Jim what his favorite part of pages 216 through 220 was (27:32), despite the fact that the episode covers 215-219. He says it’s not so much an individual part but what it made him think about, like where all the women are and whether they all have short, curly, brown hair.

Heatherly says her favorite part was when Covenant found the mural that explained the legend of Berek Halfhand again (27:56).

Julie says that her favorite part was when they found out that the women reproduce asexually (28:06).

###Words Defined
Arras: A tapestry. (Not defined, but Heatherly clearly doesn’t know what it is.)
Hoary: Very old. (Not, in fact, a misprint, as Jim claims.)

First ever co-host (the bag of crickets), 07:23
First appearance of Bannor and Korik, 14:15

3 Responses to “AFBH 16: Pages 215-219”

  1. Cameraman Jenn Says:

    You forgot to mention the end part where we release the crickets into freedom….and just so everyone knows, the cricket bag that Heatherly actually shook was another bag that was full of wadded up brown paper bag chunks, she didn’t shake the actual crickets.

  2. Julie Says:

    I don’t think we had the release of the crickets in this episode. And the crickets were in fact totally gross.

  3. Cameraman Jenn Says:

    Hrmm…had to go back and look and you are right, no cricket release….I totally thought we put that in the end credits…I know we filmed it. Oh well.

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