pafib #3
.possible attitudes found in books 1) I don't know what's happening to me 2) what does it mean? 3) seized with the deepest sadness, I know not why 4) I am lost, my head whirls, I know not where I am 5) I lose myself 6) I ask you, what have I come to? 7) I no longer know where I am, what is this country? 8) had I fallen from the skies, I could not be more giddy 9) a mixture of pleasure and confusion, that is my state 10) where am I, and when will this end? 11) what shall I do? I do not know where I am
—from 'Alice', in Sixty Stories, Donald Barthelme, Penguin, New York 1993
This is the third in a series of eleven.
Seized with the deepest sadness, I know not why. The beach is beautiful, the sea an expanse of calm gem-like blue. Waves lap against the shore, whispering tales of the faraway. The sadness confuses me; I do not know where it came from or how. No event that I could discern preceded its arrival. Perhaps I had missed something.
I ponder the meaning of it. What is its meaning if other events occur? As it is the deepest sadness, it leaves me unable to adequately respond to further developments. If there were some calamity, if The Day were to come, the rumblings beneath the ocean and the collection of our souls and minds, could I feel any more sad?
Perhaps the point is not allowing our emotions to seize us, but for us to seize them. I consider this as I walk, then surprise my sadness with a sudden move, throwing it off briefly and allowing me to grip its throat. We wrestle in the sand, cheek to cheek, as the wind rises and the waves begin to crash.